Alotsa Stuff

I have to post something, anything, to get that darned sandwich paragraph not at the top of my blog anymore!  I keep reading it and reading it, gradually getting more and more astounded at how dirty the ENTIRE thing sounded, when I didn't mean for it to!  And okay, so I'm not the cleanest person on the block, and my brain spends it's fair share amount of time in the gutter, but it's just funny, because yeah, okay, the whole O part I meant to be dirty, because the O word cannot be construed in any other way, but the rest sounded so freak nasty, and I didn't even intend that!  So scooch down gross sandwich, and make room for a new post that is going to be full of holy thoughts and non-O's.  :) 

Photo - I showered!

I went out to lunch today with a friend, and you know what, it was really nice.  I hadn't seen her in quite awhile, and we spent a good 90 minutes catching up, and it felt really good just to let some of this crap out that has been getting me down.  And she asked how I was doing, and asked about stuff that I could tell she was genuinely interested in.  I don't think she reads my blog, so she may never know how much this afternoon meant...it was just nice to have someone listen who actually seemed to really care.  So, thanks, Friend.  :)  Sometimes all you need is Penne Rosa, a Diet Coke, and a good conversation.  It totally rejuvenated me.

I kind of got the vibe on Monday from my T that she and my dietician think I am giving up, specifically with this whole intuitive eating debacle.  Actually, let me be more specific; she said that she thinks I'm giving up on myself.  But I don't feel that way at all, and I tried to explain it to her, and I think they understand a little bit more now...
It would be different if I were quitting everything, but I'm simply asking for another way.  Another way to eat all I need to eat to maintain my weight and be healthy and have energy, without IE.  And really, I don't know if I'll go back to it, but right now I just can't do it.  I can't.  I don't have the mental stamina to do it, it's just too taxing.  I guess I'm just writing all this to clarify to you guys that I'm not giving up - I hope you don't think I am, like maybe you are misunderstanding where I am coming from.  I actually think that by standing up for what I think, and voicing it to my treatment team, that I'm actually taking care of myself.  Usually I am a doormat and just go with the flow.  I'm breaking that cycle now.
I think they more or less are on board with me now, and see it the same way I do...
but I hate being misunderstood.  It really sucks, huh?

I'm sorry that lately I don't have much to blog about...I want to blog, because writing inevitably makes me feel better, and I don't know, just more free, but when all I do is sit in my house in the gloomy weather, it's not like many interesting things happen to me that I can all regale you with.  Unless you consider me recounting every dirty thing I say to Hairy as a legitimate candidate for a blog post.  :)

So thanks anyway, for reading my rambly and not always cohesive, semi-boring posts.  Maybe one of these days something interesting will happen.  Until then, I pretty much only have my therapy and dietary appointments to talk about, jeesh.  Although tomorrow I am going to Cade's spring program at school, so I'll have some pretty wickedly cute pictures of him singing.  :)  That'll break things up a bit.

Bye, kittens.