Monday, April 16, 2012

The Nest of Gloom (dun dun DUN)

Hello Friends.  I was quiet over the weekend, so I haven't read any blogs, but I hope this Monday finds you well.

I am okay.  Not great.  But not terrible.  Maybe just really introspective.

Obviously from reading my blog last week, you have all gathered that I've been pretty down.  And yes, I'm still in that damn cycle, and I still feel a little glum.  And that sucks enough, right?  I mean feeling gloomy and down in the dumps should be bad enough, but I have to go and make things a gajillion times worse, because when I get sad, I tend to push people away.  EVERYONE away.

I hide in my own sad, little bubble, and I like BUILD A NEST there, and get all comfy, and freakin REFUSE to get out of there, or reach out for help, or basically do anything that could be deemed remotely productive.  Of course.  Because doing something like that would actually be proactive and beneficial, so WHY WOULD I DO THAT?  Sheesh.  I  mean, yeah, I'm sad, so wouldn't most people at this point reach out for help, or try to talk to someone?  Nope, not me, Miss Stubborn.  I keep it all inside.  And not in a good way.

Anyway, so I realized all of this in therapy today, because my therapist commented (somewhat frustratingly) that I was also pushing her away, which I tend to do when I'm sitting in the NEST OF GLOOM.  And sitting in therapy, being sad and mad, but not really being able to articulate why...well...that's not really productive, right?  And when I don't open my mouth and talk, I leave feeling worse, which I may be wrong here, but isn't that, like, totally NOT the point of therapy?  And it's my own fault.  I put up my walls and sit in The Nest, push everyone away, and the misery just compounds itself.

And I hate that I do this.  I hate that I do this to myself.

So this is me, writing this somewhat rambly and haphazard blog from the NEST OF GLOOM, reaching out to all of you, and refusing any longer to be alone.  Maybe one of you can hop in this nest with me, tackle me, and then throw me out of this thing.  It'd be much appreciated.  :)

And if you're not into full-body tackles, I am perfectly okay with you just settling with trying to cheer me up.  And while you're doing that, I'm going to try to bust outta this dang bubble.  I need to be cheery again.

Over and out, from The Nest.


Tylaine said...

You're awesome Brie! I think everyone gets in that Nest once in awhile. Sometimes its ok though to just take a breather and maybe wallow a bit. You have an awful lot on your plate and its easy to get overwhelmed! You'll get through it Brie. You're awesome! and who could be glum for long with the super gorgeous delicious baby!! Cyberhugs :)

Tylaine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heather Lindquist said...

Well, for one, you have some incredibly clean carpet in that first picture! Holy cow, girl, can you come clean mine?

Second, I understand to an extent, how your feeling. I get like that too. Honestly, time and Tim's sense of humor is what helps me the most. Oh, and keeping busy. All I really want to do is relax with a book or curl up and take a nap, but getting out and seeing James happy while at the park or playing with the toys in the aisle of Toys R Us seems to help as well.

The warm and sunny months are almost here......hang on!

IJustDontKnow said...

First, don't beat yourself up for feeling glum - that'll just make it worse. It's a perfectly acceptable mind-space to be in. And you know from experience that it will pass, so cut yourself some slack and be patient. Wait for that moment when you have the teeny-tiniest amount of energy to step out of the nest and POUNCE! Don't force what isn't there - it's so much easier (and more effective) when you honor your feelings and where you currently are. Fighting it sucks up even more energy. Which is not to say you should wallow in it, but rather accept what is and let it be. And in spite of that, keep on participating in your life.

But while you're still in the nest, I'm mentally climbing in there to watch ANTM and other guilty pleasures, gossip, read magazines and poke fun at crazy celebs, braid hair, and trade parental moments we wouldn't dare admit to "normal" people.

PS - the nest's straw is poking me in unspeakable places, but I wouldn't want it to be too comfortable! :)

CH said...

Brie, I totally get where you're coming from. It seems sometimes, the more I hurt, the more I push and isolate, until it's just me and my misery in this little bubble. It's a nasty cycle. I wish I had some great, magical advise to dispense.. but I don't.
I do know, though, that the cycle DOES break, and it does get better. Sometimes it feels worse for longer, but eventually, the happier times do come back. I think that's just how depression is sometimes. There's just no real "reason" for the feelings, but they're there, and they're real.
Maybe an overshare, but sometimes I feel... guilty for the bad days, where I feel like hell for (what I perceive) as no real reason... and I feel like my depression and sadness aren't validated because there's no true rhyme or reason for it.. and guilt is a big thing in a lot of EDs, from what I know through my own experience........... and basically, I just want to validate your sadness and tell you it's OKAY to feel sad right now and feel like you "should" be happy, but there's just a dark cloud. That's okay. The depression/sadness/frownies will dissipate again, and until then... just keep that beautiful head up and keep trekking :)

Take care

Femina Scribens said...

Yup, the nest of gloom is a familiar place for me, as is the brilliant strategy of pushing people away. I think that, in my brain, I want them to feel as bad as I do or something. I've worked really hard in recent years on stopping the urge to push people away. Just forcing myself not to do it and to do something productive when I am feeling down, bad, depressed, etc. It doesn't always work to cheer me up, but it often does. And, over time, it's been easier to not fall naturally into the "I feel like crap so I'm going to hide away and refuse to engage" mindset. Hang in there, hug your gorgeous kids and of course that giant furry kitty (I have one of those too, he he makes all the difference on a bad day!).

Krista said...

Read a few of these and you'll be cackling in no time!

Sorry I'm not too good at the feel good mushy stuff, but funny I can do.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I have one of those nests too. I'm thinking we should put all of our nests together so we have, like, a hut or something and then no one gets to be alone with the gloominess.

I can't say much more than I relate and, well, it's going to pass. No feeling is final. (Insert other inspirational phrase. That no one likes to hear because they're TRUE =P)

Also, I know you love humor. This website has some funnies on it. Some of them are kind of lame/unrelatable for me, but a lot of them make me laugh out loud. Definitely not triggering or anything, just a funny way to look at treatment stuff.

Katie said...

I think you're more normal than you may think. All of us have times when we just want to be alone and nothing anyone says helps, so just know that you're not alone and people are always cheering for you, and hey at least your little girl looks so freaking cute in that coral dress!

KC said...

By the looks of that cat you may be in store for that full body tackle!

emo said...

This is how I get too. It sucks.
While we were waiting to get in our house I was extremely gloomy and had a hard time shaking out of it. I think for me that was when it was the worst and being in the small space in the basement had a lot to do with it too. Arctic Circle shakes helped me and still do. Being home with the kids can do it to me too.
At least you are going on a family trip to Florida. :)Plus I love the looks of your new home...but waiting to get into it can make ya anxious huh.

Alie said...

First off, Mila is just so darn precious! I love the adorable dress and her perfect smile. Secondly, I'm sorry to hear about the Nest of Gloom. My friends/support people always tell me the "feelings pass" phrase, which is definitely true, and important to remember, but it always feels like an eternity before the sad feelings fade. When I get in my own little nest, the best I can usually do is watch my favorite comedy or do something that will completely distract me from the current moment so that maybe I'll get a few minutes' break from the pain. Thinking about you and hoping today is better!

alriggells said...

After I come out of the nest of the sickies lets grab lunch or something...I would love to see you. It has been far too long.


Liz said...

I'm all too familiar with the nest of gloom, and it's not a good place to be. But you're reaching out and asking for help, that's great. You're are incredible.
I came across a cheer up guide on pinterest, it was for a site with 13 simple steps to get you through a rough day. hopefully that will help a little. (hugs)

Amanda said...

I just want to tell you how much I value and respect your candor, authenticity, and truthfulness. I also want to tell you that you're not alone. Your nest of gloom sounds very much like my "very small box" that I get into - I get down and push people away, and then my box gets smaller. It hurts, and I seem to do it anyway. So here is me, reaching from my very small box, out to your nest of gloom.

bri said...

Love u Brie!!! I hope ur feeling better!! Can I do anything?!!!!