Hello Friends. I was quiet over the weekend, so I haven't read any blogs, but I hope this Monday finds you well.
I am okay. Not great. But not terrible. Maybe just really introspective.
Obviously from reading my blog last week, you have all gathered that I've been pretty down. And yes, I'm still in that damn cycle, and I still feel a little glum. And that sucks enough, right? I mean feeling gloomy and down in the dumps should be bad enough, but I have to go and make things a gajillion times worse, because when I get sad, I tend to push people away. EVERYONE away.
I hide in my own sad, little bubble, and I like BUILD A NEST there, and get all comfy, and freakin REFUSE to get out of there, or reach out for help, or basically do anything that could be deemed remotely productive. Of course. Because doing something like that would actually be proactive and beneficial, so WHY WOULD I DO THAT? Sheesh. I mean, yeah, I'm sad, so wouldn't most people at this point reach out for help, or try to talk to someone? Nope, not me, Miss Stubborn. I keep it all inside. And not in a good way.
Anyway, so I realized all of this in therapy today, because my therapist commented (somewhat frustratingly) that I was also pushing her away, which I tend to do when I'm sitting in the NEST OF GLOOM. And sitting in therapy, being sad and mad, but not really being able to articulate why...well...that's not really productive, right? And when I don't open my mouth and talk, I leave feeling worse, which I may be wrong here, but isn't that, like, totally NOT the point of therapy? And it's my own fault. I put up my walls and sit in The Nest, push everyone away, and the misery just compounds itself.
And I hate that I do this. I hate that I do this to myself.
So this is me, writing this somewhat rambly and haphazard blog from the NEST OF GLOOM, reaching out to all of you, and refusing any longer to be alone. Maybe one of you can hop in this nest with me, tackle me, and then throw me out of this thing. It'd be much appreciated. :)
And if you're not into full-body tackles, I am perfectly okay with you just settling with trying to cheer me up. And while you're doing that, I'm going to try to bust outta this dang bubble. I need to be cheery again.
Over and out, from The Nest.