Saturday, July 30, 2011

Mila's Birth Story

We went into the hospital at 7:15 am on July 27, 2011, to be induced. Brandon needed to go into work for a couple of hours, so I let him go, knowing he wouldn’t miss much anyway. My mom was nice enough to go with me, so I wasn’t alone, which I really appreciated.

Once I got into the birthing suite (sounds more chic than it really was!) they asked me a whole lot of questions…for seriously….almost an hour. It was boring and tedious! Once all of the questions and medical history was out of the way, they finally placed my IV and hooked me up to the Pitocin. They started running it at a rate of 4 mL/hr and we waited for the contractions to start.

And start they did! They weren’t painful or anything really yet, but I could definitely feel them coming. Mila’s heart rate was great and she was looking fine, so we settled into wait for dilation.

Around 10:30 am, my contractions started getting painful, so my nurse went to find the anesthesiologist so that I could get my epidural. Of course he wasn’t available; he was in a c-section, so they gave me some pain meds (can’t remember what it was) through my IV to tide me over until he got out of surgery. The pain meds made me a little loopy and I remember consciously thinking to myself that I needed to NOT open my mouth and talk, otherwise I’d make a fool of myself – remember my Ambien Moments, anyone?

Playing the waiting game
Finally, around 11:15 am, the anesthesiologist came. It was kind of funny and a small world, because he happened to be my old neighbor and one of my best friend’s dad – he’s great – but I was thinking, “OMG, he’s going to see my butt!” Kind of embarrassing when you know the guy, but I was reassured because I know he’s a fabulous doctor and good at what he does, so at least I didn’t have to worry about that!

Ahhhh, the epidural is in, and I’m feeling much better. I could still feel the contractions but they were no longer painful. Brandon finally made it to the hospital just after my epidural was placed, and right at his heels were three of my sisters, who came to say hi and pass some of the time with me. (Misty, Amber, and Brooke.) They were a good distraction and we were able to chat and laugh for awhile.

The nurse came in and checked my cervix a little later, and I had made some progress; I was dilated to a 6, and about 80% effaced. I was excited because I had already progressed 3 centimeters, so I was hoping that the rest of my dilation would happen quickly and that I could start pushing soon.

My sisters left, and we settled into waiting. It was boring! I was feeling pretty comfortable on my epidural, so we were mostly sitting around, waiting for every hour or so when my doctor or nurse would come check my cervix. And, for the rest of the afternoon…every time they checked me, I was STUCK AT A 6. It was terrible! The contractions I was having were strong and very regular, about 2-3 minutes apart, but my freakin’ body just wouldn’t dilate past a 6. They kept turning the Pitocin up, at this point it was going at about a rate of 20 mL/hr, but still, no progress for several hours. I was frustrated and honestly scared that they were going to have to do a c-section.

At this point, my OB came and talked to me and basically told me that Mila’s heart rate looked fine, so she was not worried about her, which was good. Some babies don’t tolerate the Pitocin well, but Mila looked fine, which made me feel better about how slow the labor process was going. So, she told me to sit tight, and that they were going to keep increasing my Pitocin, and we’d just wait and hope that I started to dilate soon. So they turned the Pit up to 24 mL/hr and at that point my contractions started to get so strong, I was in pain, despite my epidural. They were painful enough that when they came, I’d have to stop what I was doing and tense up my body, I couldn’t talk or move through them, they hurt like crazy. I told my nurse this and she called the anesthesiologist, and he gave me a booster dose of my epidural – basically it was just more potent and strong – and that really helped.

I could tell that my labor was starting to get really intense, and I knew that I just HAD to be dilating more, with how much pain I was in. At this point my Pit had been turned up to 28 mL/hr (far from the 4 mL/hr I started with in the morning!) and between having the strong contractions, and feeling a lot of pressure in my butt (seriously) I knew that Mila was low in the birth canal and that I was ready, so I called my nurse and told her we needed to get this show on the road!

So she called my doc, who checked my cervix, and finally, around 8 pm, I was indeed dilated to a 10 and ready to push. At this point there was just a sense of excitement in the room, as they were setting up and getting ready for me to start pushing. At this point I was ready and excited and pretty “comfortable” because of the booster epidural injection I’d gotten, but I was nervous that I was going to have to push a long time, because with Cade, once I was fully dilated and started pushing, I pushed for about 4-5 hours and was in TERRIBLE pain and ended up delivering without an epidural, yadda yadda, so I was nervous, as my only other experience with giving birth had been really awful and honestly traumatic.

So I started pushing, right around 8 pm that night. My mom was holding up one leg, and Brandon was holding up the other, and for every contraction, I’d push 3 times at 10 seconds each. And it only took 3 or so rounds of pushing before you could already see her head – I got so excited that I was making progress much faster than I did with Cade! At this point my OB told me that she had a full head of dark black hair, and I got so excited to see her! I wasn’t in too much pain at all because of the epidural, I only felt a lot a lot of pressure and this desire and need to just push this baby the hell out of me! And, she came! After only 30 minutes of pushing, through about 7-8 rounds of contractions, Mila Jane came into this world at exactly 8:30 pm.

Mila getting weighed
I didn’t get an episiotomy, but I did tear along my old episiotomy scar with Cade, and I had to get stitches. But she popped out of me, and immediately they put her up on my chest so that I could see her and hold her. She came out pretty much bluish/purple looking, and covered in that waxy white stuff that protects her in the womb, but she was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen before.

Skin to skin time
Brandon was able to cut the cord, and they took her from me to weigh her, and she weighed in at a perfect and healthy 7 lbs 6 oz. At this point they brought her back to me to do what they call “skin to skin,” which means they basically put the baby, still without clothes on, onto me, and they lay her on my bare chest, so we can snuggle and bond. It was great and I’m glad they did it – I loved it, and I loved being able to just share this moment with my little Mila. However, we’d only been doing it for a couple of minutes before she was STARVING and started rooting around to eat. So I promptly then and there started breast-feeding, and she latched on perfectly!

I didn’t even make it up to my hospital room until about 11 pm that night, and I was so exhausted. They gave her a bath and all that, and we finally settled in at about midnight.

So that’s the story. Sorry this was long! I just really wanted to document it so that we could remember it.

Hope you are all well. I am calm and happy right now. Mila is next to me in her swing, Cade is near me playing pretend, and I am feeling well. :)  And here are a few more pics:

Coming home from the hospital - look at those crying cheeks!

Cade and Mila

Thursday, July 28, 2011

More of Mila

Here are a few more pics for you to feast on and enjoy.  I have just fallen in love with Mila.  She is such a mellow baby and she is always chill and happy - very different from the very anxious personality of my Cade, which was apparent, even from the very beginning.  Of course I adore Cade, but I am hoping she will stay this calm, so I can experience having an "easy" baby for once!  She is a champion breast-feeder too, and is just in general such a joy to be around.  My heart is so happy right now.  :)

Today is my birthday, and I cannot picture a better day - even though I have been stuck in the hospital all day - to both not be pregnant anymore, and to get this most amazing gift of my daughter.  It's definitely been over-shadowed this year, though of course I don't mind!  I even flat-out forgot it was my birthday today until my twin brother texted me and wished me a happy day - it was funny...not even remembering my own birthday!

We are both doing well, and are coming home from the hospital tomorrow.  I will post Mila's birth story soon, so you can know all the details, but for now, you'll just get a few more pics.  :)

Cade meeting Mila for the first time.  He is very gentle around her, but nervous!

With my two favorite people in the world - my children.

Oh my heart!  The hat!

Beautiful baby in a basket.  :)

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Welcome to the World, Baby Girl

Mila Jane Breivik
Born 7/27/11
8:30 pm
7 lbs 6 oz, 19 inches long

She is perfect and we are in love.  :)
More details to come.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

38 Weeks - this is it!

Well, this is it.  I am going into the hospital tomorrow morning, and I will return to blogging sans baby in my belly.  I am getting so excited, but with that is coming a lot of anxiety - mostly surrounding whether or not she'll be okay.  I mean, there's no reason she wouldn't be, but I still worry anyway.  I can't believe that within(ish) 24 hours from now, I will be holding my sweet daughter in my arms and marveling at her beauty and goodness.  I can't believe this is almost over...this has been such a long 9 months for me, and I've complained a lot, but I am really so grateful for every second of it.  I am blessed.

I had another ultrasound today, and Baby Girl is measuring in at 6 lbs 8 oz.  I don't believe it, though - I think she's going to be at least 7 lbs, so we'll see tomorrow for the big weigh in!  I have been EXTREMELY uncomfortable and even in pain at times this past weekend with how big she is, as it is causing me a lot of sciatic nerve pain, but really what's the point of dwelling on all that now?  In less than a day, none of that is even going to matter anymore!

Stay tuned for a post tomorrow, introducing you all to my new daughter.  :)

38 weeks - final pregnancy photo

Sunday, July 24, 2011

A Last Letter

Dear Kendall,

Well, this is it.  Your baby sister is due to arrive in just 2 1/2 days.  I've been thinking about you a lot lately, with such bittersweet feelings.  It's so important to me that you know how much I love you, and that you know that your little sister is NOT replacing you.  People tell me I'm so lucky to finally be getting my baby girl, but what they don't get is that I already have one - you - and that even though you are not here at this very moment, that doesn't make you any less real or a valuable and remembered and important member of our family.

So, even though soon I will be holding your sister in my arms, and just you in my heart, I wanted you to know how fiercely I love you and that you will NEVER be forgotten.

You are good.  You are my daughter.  And I love you.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Cade as a Newborn

Amidst the flurry of nesting we're in, Brandon found this old picture of Cade, taken when he was just a couple of weeks old.  Um.  I forgot how adorable he was when he was little!  (Not that he's not adorable now, of course.)  If his baby sister is anything like him, she's going to be gorgeous!

Friday, July 22, 2011


Nesting is underway here.
We're organizing and throwing things away and cleaning and moving furniture and it's insane.  I am pointing and being bossy and Big B is my slave, getting everything done that my 9 months pregnant body just couldn't manage to do on it's own.  (I'm lucky to have him.)
My house is an absolute mess.  I hope it'll be clean(er) by the time our little one arrives.
All the dust gave me an asthma attack, so I decided to take a break and blog.  :)
WHY am I having an asthma attack when I'm on hella massive doses of steroids?  WHYYYYYY?

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend.  I'm going to be busy with swimming and nesting and doing everything that will be more difficult with a newborn like shopping and picnicking and more shopping and working on my tan.

This is my last weekend pregnant!!!

Baby Girl's crib

Thursday, July 21, 2011

6 Things

Because I only have 6 days left in my pregnancy, I thought I'd share with you the first 6 things I'm going to do once this baby is out of me:

1. DRINK THE BIGGEST DIET COKE I CAN FIND.  We're talking, like, an URN full.  I drink caffeine-free Diet Coke right now, just for baby's sake, and I know that since I'm breastfeeding I still shouldn't drink too much, but I'll allow myself just one to greedily gulp and enjoy.  I can already imagine the burn going down my throat...mmmm.....

2. Flop down on the bed on my stomach.  Oh stomach sleeping, I have missed you!

3. Look at my feet, just because I'll finally be able to.  As it is now, I can't see ANYTHING below my belly button.  (Makes peeing in a cup really problematic!  ;)

4. Paint my toe nails.  I always keep my toes fun and colorful in the summer, but this summer they have remained woefully bare, as I'm too cheap to get a pedicure right now and I can't reach them on my own.  I AM, however, making Big B paint them a bright pink the day before my induction.  I want the doctors and nurses to notice my painted toes and acknowledge that at least I'm trying!  ;)

5. Run.  Or even just walk.  I just want to be active, because right now I'm so big and miserable and sedentary and it's driving me nuts.  I understand that I won't be able to get any real exercise at first, because after you've given birth, just standing up makes you feel like the entirety of your insides is going to plummet out of your vagina, but give it a few weeks, and I can't wait to use my body again!

6. Wear my old, pre-maternity clothes!  I CANNOT WAIT to be able to pull on a cute shirt from Buckle or something again.  Half my maternity shirts don't even fit me anymore, you can see my belly poking out, and it's so pathetic.  I can't wait to button and zip up pants, rather than pull on depressing jeans with an elastic waistband.  I will never take my cute clothes for granted again, I swear.  :)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Baby Shower Fun

In classic Brie fashion, I took no pics last night at my baby shower, but I still wanted to tell you about it, because I had fun.  :)

Everyone brought yummy appetizers and desserts, which I totally filled up on.  There was spinach and artichoke dip that I mixed with salsa, and it was a total party on my tongue, and my pregnancy cravings were delighted!  I also ate way too much mint chocolate cake and eclairs too...yummy!

The night was perfect, and the weather was great as we sat on my mom's back porch.  We didn't really play any official baby shower games, which is how I like it, I'm not much one for structure like that - so we just regaled each other with tales about when we started our period and how mortified we were. (I started on my 14th birthday, I told my mom right away, and I SWEAR she gave me the classic line: "Welcome to womanhood, Brie.")  And, can you tell there were no men there?  ;)

And then the presents - the presents!  I got so much awesome stuff, and I cannot thank my nieces and sisters and sis-in-laws AND mom ENOUGH for your generosity.  I got some adorable clothes, a beautiful blanket, a crib set for the baby, and even a bouncer - I was spoiled.  Little M or A is going to be delighted I think when she sees all the clothes she gets to come into the world that are waiting for her to wear.  She is going to be a little fashionista!

You know what?  I just feel GOOD.  I was thinking last night at my shower that at just a year and a half ago, I was devastated and heart broken and I didn't think I'd ever feel okay again, after losing Kendall.  But now I'm here, and Kendall's still gone, and that sucks and it hurts, but I have this new opportunity to bring a daughter into this world to love and cherish and tickle and squeeze...and I'm just so glad I'm here, and not where I was 18 months ago.  I am a blessed chica and I am so grateful.

ONE MORE WEEK!!!  (Literally, picture this:  one week from now exactly I will be in a hospital bed, in active labor, pushing this giant alien/watermelon out of me!  Are you grossed out yet?  Or hopefully maybe just thrilled for me?  Or are you just wanting to get that image out of your head?  Should I shut up now?  ;)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

37 Weeks = Full Term!

I've made it!  My baybeh is officially fully ripened in my womb-o.  It's a comforting feeling, knowing that my chica could come at any time and that most importantly she would be alright.  It's been a crazy journey, and I can't believe my pregnancy saga is just about to come to a close.  Only one more week until I have the little one in my arms.

Brandon and I are much closer to deciding on a name, largely in thanks to all of your comments and ideas.  I'm not going to tell you what we've chosen, just because I want to see her first to make sure the name fits, and also I might change my mind AGAIN, so I think it'd be best to wait, but you will know anon, I'm sure.

I have tried to be more optimistic this week; to focus on the good about being pregnant and not dwell in my misery too much for the last part of my pregnancy.  My biggest complaint still is that it's so hard to just get around - to clean and walk and have any energy at all - but I'm not letting it get me down too much.

Tonight my sisters are throwing me a baby shower, and I'm really excited for it.  (And super grateful.)  I was just with my mom and we (finally) picked out the baby's crib set, and I'm really pleased with what we got.  I still have some random and small last minute things to pick up, but we're just about ready for our daughter to make her long-awaited debut.

I had a doc appt yesterday, and my doctor seems to think I'll do nicely with an induction.  My cervix is, like, ripening just nicely, I hear.  (Gross.)  I'm dilated to a 1, 70% effaced, but apparently her head is really low and in the birth canal, so maybe she's just as excited as I am to make it out of my uterus?

Anyway, here's a couple pics taken this week.  Girlfriend is getting BIG!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Name Considerations

We all know that for several months - for most of my pregnancy - Baby Girl was going to be named Avery Jane.  Recently, you also know, I have been reconsidering, but I have not revealed the new name that I really like.  I'm not sure why I didn't want to reveal it...I just didn't want to...but now, I think I want to share it with ya'll, tell you what I'm thinking, then get your opinion.


The new name that we are thinking of is Mila Jane.  (Pronounced like Mee-luh.)  I have a couple questions for you; I want your opinions, so leave me a comment and let me know what you think.

I'm really concerned that Avery is getting too popular.  In the year 2010, out of the top 1000 baby names, it is ranked number 22.  Mila is ranked in the 360's, so it's much less popular, which I tend to like.  I just don't want to name her Avery, then have her grow up and always have like 3 other Avery's in all her classes in school, you know?

However, my biggest reservation about Mila is that people will always mis-pronounce it.  When you see it, do you think it should be pronounced like My-luh?  I don't want people to constantly be slaughtering her name, and her ALWAYS having to correct them.  I've thought about trying to spell it differently, but Meela just looks wrong to me, and honestly, I think Mila looks really pretty.

So, dearest readers, what do you think?  Avery Jane or Mila Jane?  Please vote in the poll at the top of my blog page, and I'd really really appreciate your comments and thoughts.  The only thing I ask is that you keep your comments respectful, as no one want to hear that the names they're thinking of for their daughter are ugly.  In my vulnerable pregnant state, I think that'd send me over the edge!  ;)

So, thanks!  :)

11 Things

Because I only have 11 days left in this pregnancy, I thought I'd show some optimism and share with you my favorite 11 things about being pregnant (if I can think of that many).  They are, in no particular order:

1. Feeling her move!  I LOVE feeling my little chica squirm around inside me, especially after I drink juice or really cold water.  It comforts me to know she is alive and thriving, and I think I'm going to miss her little kicks and punches once she has been expelled from my uterus.

2. The maternity clothes shopping.  Honestly, it was fun!  Who doesn't like shopping for a new wardrobe, even if the clothes you are buying are 438573467 times bigger than your regular clothes, and are shaped vaguely like a tent?  New clothes are new clothes, and I had fun.  :)

3. Getting closer to Brandon.  I've always loved my man, but B and I have gotten really close and developed a really strong bond while I've been pregnant.  He's helped me through thick and thin, which includes all my shrieking out about weight gain and my hormonal/steroidal freak outs...he has never balked at how crazy I am right now, and I love him for it.  I really really do.

4. Buying adorable clothes and baby headbands.  I just got home from the store, having purchased Baby Girl's coming home from the hospital outfit, along with a few bows and a bracelet (it's soooooo teeny!) for her to wear.  I just melt when I see baby clothes.

5. Even though I dislike being pregnant in general, it is kind of cool to know that my body is a freaking sacred vessel while carrying my baybuh.  It's actually amazing what the human body can do...I mean, grow another human being?  That's insane!  And when I think of it that way, it really does help me appreciate my body and all it's doing a whole lot more.

6. Frequent back rubs from the husband, with no guilt when I ask.  I'm only growing another human being for him, the least he can do is knead my back a bit, right?

7. Okay, this is getting hard...I'm going to try to turn some negatives into some positives here...
So, HATE that it's hard to walk around and move and bend over, but kind of appreciate that Husband has taken over a bit more and helped with cleaning around the house.  Also, BIG BONUS: I can't take out the cat litter while pregnant because something in cat feces is bad for the baby when you,  like, inhale it?  (gross.)  So that's been nice, not having to take out stinky pooskies!

8. My relationship with God has gotten a lot stronger since I've been pregnant.  I've had to rely on Him and trust Him more...I've lived in fear every day of this pregnancy, that I'm going to lose this baby girl like I lost Kendall, and relying on God and putting my faith in Him is what has gotten me through.

9. I've really been able to spend some good quality time with Cade, knowing that soon he'll have a little sister around that will (at least for awhile) steal a good portion of the attention away from him.  He is such an amazing kid, and he makes me laugh daily.  I love to get "kissy hugs" from him, which is his version of a big hug and a sloppy kiss.  He is so affectionate and loving, he's smart as anything, and I think he's going to make an amazing big brother, and I can't wait to see him in action.

10. During this pregnancy I learned to crochet.  There's some bonus self-esteem points right there, and I had fun learning how to do it and making some blankies for our little girl.

11. I'm just so grateful I have the opportunity to be a mother again.  After I lost Kendall, we more or less right away started trying again to have a baby, and it took us 11 months to concieve - 11 long months of crying and wondering why I wasn't getting pregnant...I don't mean to whine, because I know many people have had to try longer, but it was tough.  And I was scared something was wrong with my body, and that I wouldn't be able to carry a baby ever again.  But I'll never forget that December morning when that pregnancy test turned up was the most thrilling, exciting moment I've ever had.  I was immediately filled with gratitude, and vowed I was going to take care of my body and my baby and do whatever I needed to do to bring her safely here.  And I've done that.  Through tears and pain and emotional upheaval, I've made it.  And I'm so glad.  :)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Family Picture

This is the first picture we've had taken with all 10 kids, plus Mom and Dad, in years.  Although I am less than thrilled to be 8 1/2 months pregnant in the pic, I still thought it was worth posting.

36 Weeks

Only two more weeks until my scheduled induction!  I am SO THRILLED.  I understand that having a newborn vs. being pregnant is kind of like trading an old set of problems for a whole new set, but I really believe that not being so hormonal/steroid crazy is really going to help me.  I feel like I can barely function anymore.  Doing small things, like a load of laundry, or picking up Cade's toys, wipes me out.  It's hard to bend over and walk and breathe.  Really and truly, pregnancy does not agree with me.

So I'm keeping myself busy, preparing for the baby's arrival, and doing some last minute things, like buying random stuff you don't remember you need 'til the very end - like diapers and pacifiers and Desitin.  (Don't even get me started on ranting about how expensive diapers are - same with tampsons - I could go on forever.)  We have almost everything we need, I think, aside from some last minute things we need that I'll try to collect in the next two weeks. (Breast feeding pads, anyone?)  I haven't had a newborn in so long, I'm kind of freaking out, worrying I"m forgetting something, but hopefully my mama instincts will kick in and all will be well.

We still haven't for sure decided on a name...and that's driving me crazy.  As much as I try, I just can't make a final decision yet, so I think I'm going to have see her to decide what she should be called.  Brandon is trying to stay out of it I think, and is just letting me freak out about it.  Poor guy just wants to go with Avery, but now I'm just not sure...

Here are a couple pics taken this week.  We went to Bear Lake last weekend and had a ton of fun; that's where I was in the swimsuit shot here.  Only thing that sucked about the trip was that 2 out of the 3 shirts I packed are now too small for my belly - I couldn't wear them - so I had to wear the same 2 shirts over and over, kind of made me feel pathetic.  ;)

Only 2 more weeks!  I can do it, right??

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Ladies and gentleman, we have a due date!

July 27th is the big day.  Can't wait that in just a shade less than 3 weeks, this baby will be in my arms.  :)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

35 Weeks

How Far Along: 35 weeks.

Size of baby: According to BabyCenter, she weighs about 5 ¼ lbs and is over 18 inches long. Compare her this week to a honeydew melon. She is getting big!

Total Weight Gain: My doctor announced my weight to me this past week when he walked through the door, even though I had gotten on the scale backward. I freaked out. It’s more than I thought, and I just don’t want to talk about it. So, moving on.

Maternity Clothes: It’s been all maternity, all the time, for a looooong time now. I miss the variety of my non-big-girl size clothes. Sigh.

Gender: Girl! Avery Jane! (or M_____ Jane)

Movement: She’ moving, but things are getting so cramped in there, I don’t feel her roll around as much. Poor thing is all squished up inside me.

Sleep: Sleep is a luxury I am not always lucky to have. I fall asleep easily, with the help of my ambien and anti-anxiety med, but staying asleep is the trick that I just haven’t figured out. Mama’s uncomfortable.

What I miss: being able to shave my legs, paint my toe nails, get from a sitting to a standing position easily, drinking regular Diet Coke, and being able to look down and see my feet.

Cravings: Nah.

Symptoms: Back pain, Braxton Hicks contractions, an incredible ability to pee often and thoroughly, and last night I had my first run-in with edema. I took off my shoes while watching the fireworks and my toes looked like sausages. Awesome.

Best Moment of the Week: Hearing from my doc that I’m going to have this baby in just a few short weeks.

Appointments This Week? Yes, I’m having weekly appointments now. Last week’s appointment didn’t go great (not seeing my regular OB and him announcing my weight, etc) so I’m hoping that my NST and OB apt this Thursday will go off without a hitch.

What I’m looking forward to: HAVING THIS BABY.

One Thing I've Learned This Week: Patience is a virtue that I do not have. These last few weeks or pregnancy are KILLING ME.

Pictures from this week:
At the 4th of July parade

Saturday, July 2, 2011

'Roid Ramifications

(Not to be confused with “rhoid ramifications,” though I have no doubt, from personal experience, that those are quite severe. ;)

I am a complete and utter hot freakin’ mess on these steroids. I’ve spent the past two weeks barely functioning. I cry all the time, over the most insignificant things. I am feeling extremely depressed. I have really low thoughts that I can’t seem to shake. The steroids are contributing to my already pretty severe insomnia. I am getting hot flashes up the wazoo. My hunger/fullness is being affected. I had to get tested for gestational diabetes AGAIN because apparently being on steroids jacks up your blood sugar levels. And, if you’ve ever gotten tested for this, and had to drink that nasty orange drink that cheerfully tries to pretend its soda, but only succeeds in tasting like a half-hearted attempt at over sugary soda mixed with cough syrup, then you’ll feel really bad for me because I’ve had to do it TWICE. Teeeewwwwiiicccce!

Is all of this worth it, just to breathe a little easier? Apparently so, because when I asked my doctor on Thursday if I could possibly get off the steroids, he gave me a big fat NO and shut me down pretty quickly. (Which, of course, made me cry.) Although, he did say that I’m going to have this baby in 3-4 weeks, so if I can just hang on that long, then hopefully I can get off them after that.

So that’s what I’m trying to focus on – that probably this month, this little baby is going to be in my arms. I’m not going to focus on how miserable I feel. I’m going to remember this is all worth it. And, in a few weeks’ time, after I spend a dozen or more hours in labor and am pushing and straining to get this bebe out, and my undercarriage goes through a massive, er, stretching, I’m sure I can indeed write you a post on ‘RHOID RAMIFICATIONS, and hopefully I’ll be off the steroids, so there will be no more ROID RAMIFICATIONS. (!)

Wish me luck. Mama needs all the love I can get.