Sunday, May 27, 2012

New House Adventure Week 13

They finished framing!  We have a legit-looking house!  It is BEAUTIFUL.  :)

This time around I forgot the camera's SD card, and so could only take EIGHT pictures on the camera's internal drive, so it won't be as hard to get through as last post's was, when I took thirty.  :/

They've also almost finished the plumbing, and this week they are going to install the windows and doors and finish the plumbing and electrical.  They have also installed the furnace and are working on the AC.

Enjoy the pics! 

My first view of the fully completed house...even the roof is done!

Peekaboo through the stairs.  :)

Our barely started kitchen island...

The kids thought they'd test out their tub.

Standing in the loft.

Mine and Brandon's tub!


Friday, May 25, 2012

Leavin for Mexico

Hello kittens,

I feel like my Hungry for Change posts have been a little lackluster lately.  I apologize; a lot of crap going on in el personalo lifo that is kind of distracting me.

Photo - Hi!

Same reason I'm way behind on blogs.  I'll catch up, I promise.

I am leaving for Meheeco on Monday at 5 am sharp.  We are SO excited.  But, I have to admit, I'm really worried about leaving the kidaloons.  Cade will be okay, he'll miss us, but he'll manage, because he's old enough to understand where we are and why we left and when we are coming back.  But Mila!  What if she forgets me?  What if I forget what she LOOKS LIKE?  Clearly the world might end without her around.  So...I do worry about leaving her...five days is a long time.  :(  ButbutBUT I am so jazzed to be spending five days alone with the husbunny.  We're going to read Stephen King books and swim in the Caribbean and get tan and do other, er, things to enjoy each other's company?  Yes.  It really is going to be so fun.  :)

Photo - I don't even have to coach Mila to smile anymore.  The minute she sees a camera and a flash, she goes bonkers!

A lot has been happening this last week.  Some good, some bad.  Actually not sure how much to share.  It sucks when my blog is sooooo public; like I am okay with 90% of you knowing what is happening with me, but that other 10% freaks me out and it's hard to decide if what is going on with me is okay to share.

Just had a tough session today with the T.  She kicked my ass, but in the kindest way possible.  I needed it.  I guess I really needed my eyes opened about how I'm doing in some areas of recovery.  It's a process though, so I suppose I just need to be patient with myself and keep truckin.

And drinking Boost.  :/

Photo - Except for, clearly she didn't smile on this one.  ;)  But my stinkin cat got in the picture, she would!

Anyway, I'm sure this is all cryptic enough for you, so I'll stop there.  I'll try to have my HFC post up later tonight, and the HFC posts that are due while I'm in Mexico will have to wait, probably until I get back.  I am going to try to spend very limited time on the internet while away so that I can focus all my time on my man.  Gettin my priorities straight!

Bye friends, I'll be posting a few blogs this weekend, but nothing (probably) of a very personal nature, so I'll say now that I hope you all have a great weekend/week while I am away.  I won't miss you bitches one bit while I am frolicking in the land that is Mexico!


Thursday, May 24, 2012

Day #24 - Parent Conference

Parent Conference...

If I were to advise a parent on how to help their child who was suffering from an eating disorder in precisely the same way I was, I would maybe say...

Don't be intimidated by her.  Don't let your fear of how she will react stop you from asking her how she is doing.

Get her help.  If you see her rapidly losing weight, and know she is not okay, even if she says she is, just get her help.  Call a therapist.  Call a treatment center.  Reach out, because this is probably bigger than what you can handle on your own.

It isn't your fault.  I know it hurts to watch her do this, but it isn't your fault.

No matter what, never stop showing your love for her.  Even if you are so mad at her you could scream and tear your hair out, never stop loving her or demonstrating to her that your love is unconditional.  She feels pretty vile and worthless right now, and your unconditional love could really do a lot to help her.

Photo - Mila sportin' the hat that her Aunt K.Y. gave her.  She says "fanks!"

Always believe what she says.  Don't discount her emotions or discredit her feelings.

Never give up on her.  That is perhaps the most important thing of all.  Even if she suffers for years or has many relapses, NEVER stop believing she can do it.  Because she will, undoubtedly, have many people brand her a "lifer" and not believe she will ever attain recovery.  But you are her parents, and you need to be her #1 cheerleaders in all things regarding eating disorder recovery.  Always have hope.  Never let go of that.


That was hard.  And it made me think of Mila.  I hope I never have to take my own advice.  It would be so terrifying and devastating to be a parent, watching their child slowly self-destruct and kill themselves over an eating disorder.  It makes me sad that I put my parents through so much.  But I love them and am so grateful that they handled this all the best they knew how, and that they never, ever gave up on me.  That perhaps means the most of all.

Thanks, Mom and Dad.  Love you.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Melt My Heart

You guys,

Cade informed me last night that he needed to make a video and post it on the internet "so that lots of people will watch it and we will get RICH."  I adore Cade's innocence and naivete.  Makes me wish I was still like that.

So, he made his own video - snatched the camera away when I wasn't looking and figured out how to record himself.  This video is only a minute and a half, but you should watch it, because it's so CUTE and neither Brandon nor I coached him at all.

It seriously melts my heart.  He is such a sweetheart, and he's so goofy, the video makes me laugh.  I love him so much!

(Beware that the angle of the video gives you a pretty unfortunate view of his nostrils.  Just warning you!)

Can't wait to get rich off this one... ;)

Day #23 - Choose a Quote that Means Something to You

Choose a quote that means something to you...

The first quote that came to mind is kind of like my mission and my mantra in life - I have loved it ever since I heard it, maybe a decade ago.  And, even though it isn't a super inspiring quote in the traditional sense, it still very much applies to how I have recovered, so I'm going to share it today:
I'm not going to recover by keeping still and keeping my hands folded neatly in my lap all while wearing the smallest pant size possible and not making any waves.

I'm not going to recover by conforming.

I'm not going to recover by keeping silent.


I'm going to recover by laughing, and being loud.

I'm going to recover by rocking spandex meant to look like denim at Ross.

I'm going to recover by breaking the rules, and bending what society thinks I should be and what I should look like.

I'm going to recover by writing a life story that is gritty and at times unsavory and not very lady-like.

I'm going to recover by being real.

And if that means I misbehave from time, to time, then so be it.

I am many things.  But "well-behaved" isn't one of them.  And I'm okay with it.

On Oreos

I heard the statistic yesterday that on average, 90 million Oreos are consumed each day throughout the world.

I'm doing my part.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

New House Adventure Week 12 1/2

Okay, okay, I know that I shouldn't be posting new pictures of the house yet, as I just did an update on Sunday.  ButbutBUT we went and checked the progress tonight, and they had done so much, and I took a gajillion photos, so I decided I might as well post them here and give you a little mid-week preview.  I am so stoked, it looks so good and is coming along so FAST!

This I think is the most pictures of the house I've ever posted at once, (there are 30!) so if you are bored or want to skip this post, please feel free.  I am documenting every step of this process of building this house for myself and the kids, but I don't expect everyone else to be super enthused about it - I promise, no bad feelings!

Driving up the house and seeing how much more they had already done...I got so excited, I started snapping pics before we even parked the car!  If you'll notice I blurred out the name of our street, just for privacy's sake of course; I'm so paranoid about creepers knowing our address, I'm not even letting Brandon publicly list us.  :/

My first view of the upstairs...

Daddy and Mila saying hey...

Cade playing in the master bedroom

Our jetted tub that very randomly decided to come chill at the house.

Mila checkin out her room...

Saying hey from Mila's room, checking out her view.

Standing in Cade's room, looking at the master bedroom.

Mila likes her room.  It's official.

Checkin out the view.

I took this photo from the master retreat, and am looking into our bedroom/bathroom.

The roof is a skeleton now, but hopefully next time we come, it'll be done!

Mila wanted to get down and explore so badly, but I of course couldn't let her.  This is the best I could give her!

Standing in our retreat, looking through the loft and into Cade's room.

The west side of the house - and I love our bump out!

A back view.

I love me my bay window/door!

The east side of the house.  Not very pretty because it is mostly the garage.

Another view of the front.

The view of the house, when driving north...

Hi house!  We love you! 

Sorry there were so many pics; uber proud of you, if you made it through.  :)  I mostly decided to post these pics now, because if I saved them and waited until next week, I'd probably have double the amount of pictures by then, since we'll go see the progress again in a few days, and that would have been waaaaaay too much, if I ended up posting them all at once. 

It's incredible, though, how quickly they're getting this done.  We are thinking that there's a chance we could be in there by the end of July, at the rate they're going.  And I say - YES.  Bring it on!

Only at Ross...

...can you transform from an ordinary, semi-fashionable, stay-at-home mom, into a


In spandex.

Spandex meant to look like denim shorts.

Oh, sweet child.  Have mercy on me!

Day #22 - Keep You, Kick ED

Ah, the identity post.  I knew this would come at some point.  Let's get crackin!

Keep YOU, kick ED!

I've struggled a lot with figuring out who and what I am if I am no longer Anorexia.  I've even blogged about it quite a bit, so if you're terribly interested in a terribly bored way, type in "identity" in the search box, and I'm sure you'll have plenty of light reading to last you the next decade.

Or, just stick with this one post.  It's cool.  :)

Photos - this morning Whit and I had a photo shoot with Mila!

For pretty much as long as I can remember, growing up in my family, I was always known as the "sick" one.  That started with my long hospitalization and near-death experience I had at five.  My siblings were probably scared and confused when I was gone so long, and maybe a little jealous that Mom spent all her time with me, so, they started calling me the Sick One.  Or AG.  (Stands for Attention-Getter.)  Lovely, I know.  I have SUCH a nice family!  ;)

But, that always stuck with me, forever after.  I was the sick one, the dramatic one, the one always needing attention.  And yes, what nearly killed me as a five year old did make me sick and I definitely squirreled away more of my mom and dad's attention than I normally would have, but this made me feel so bad.  So embarrassed.

And then, a little later, the depression and the anxiety hit me.  And once again, Mom was paying a lot of attention to me because I was "faking sick."  Or that I was just being a drama queen; gosh Brie, stop doing that!  I don't blame my sibs for all the things they said to me back then, because they were just kids too and needed attention as much as I did, but I do remember back then, it hurt me very much.  I was mad at myself and embarrassed and felt stupid.

Anyway, the whole sick persona has just followed me around, all my life.  I've always been percieved as too fragile.  And then when the eating disorder bloomed and really intensified, that "I'm fragile and I'm sick" aura I gave off must have been totally eeking out of my pores like really bad and really strong cologne, because no one wanted much to do with me after that.  They were afraid, I suppose.  And I don't blame them.

As I have been on this long journey to recovery, figuring out who or what I am with out NOT JUST the eating disorder, but also without the identity of being the sick one has been really hard.  And while I'm not at the finish line yet, in terms of me being perfect! and well! and supah! with all of this, I am making progress in figuring out what else there is to me, Brie.

For instance, I like to sew.  I'm not very good at it, but at least I now know that I like it.  I can play the guitar.  That's actually a lie.  I can TENTATIVELY STRUM the first few stanzas of "Brick," and oh sweet child, you better believe it is amazing!  I have found my knack and passion for writing through this blog and through my recovery process.  I have found the true joy of motherhood.  I've found that I'm silly and goofy and though I can be reserved, I can at times really let myself feel free and genuine.  Have I collected perhaps every strewn piece of my identity, and am I putting those pieces together yet, like one of those damn complex 1000 piecers they had in treatment that I could NEVER do on my own?  Nah, I don't think I have.  I think there's still lots to learn and discover about myself.  But with recovery, I have time.  I'll get there.  And that makes me glad.

In the end, in a weird and twisted way, my anorexia has taught me so much!  Who woulda thought?

Things I wish my anorexia had taught me, but didn't:

how to clean
how to WANT to clean
how to kill spiders and other gross bugs
how to vaccuum when your asthma is really ridin' ya
how to cook
how to bake
how to garden
how to decorate a house
how to write the next Great American Novel

Crap.  Maybe I need to pick up a new addiction to work the rest of this crap out.  I've learned so many things from anorexia, maybe OCD could give me some gems to work with too! 

OR.... not.  :)

I'll settle with the things I can do now, and the identity I'm piecing together, and maybe those things listed above will somehow fit in there, but if not, that's okay too.  I can always scream until my blood curdles for Brandon to kill scary spiders, and hell, who needs to BAKE?  That's what a BAKERY is for!