Saturday, May 5, 2012
Body appreciation day...
You know, I don't completely love my body - or more specifically, the way I look. It's not like I pass my reflection, look at my body, and think, "Oooh, that is FINE! Dear body, can I get your digits?"
I appreciate my body. I love it for fighting and fighting and keeping me alive. I love it for not giving up on me, or out on me, when it damn near should have. I used to step on the scale, 2, 5, 10 times a day. That's all my body was good for, to see if it had done it's job and lost more weight. When I lost weight, it had behaved well, but when I gained, or even just maintained, it was punished. Punished with self-harm, or with starvation.
I use my body now to lift up my baby girl or run races outside in the yard with Cade. I use my strong, capable hands to tuck my kids into bed every night or tickle Brandon's back. I use the strength and stamina in my body to be a mama, and to do all the things necessary that my kids need. I have energy and strength to take care of them and love them with everything I have.
As the time passes, sometimes I do forget. Sometimes I forget that the normalcy and stability I feel with this good health is precious, and it's a gift, and that it comes with recovery, not with relapse. That is why I'm glad I was able to write this post today; to remember that recovery and energy come hand in hand, and that regressing back to anorexic behaviors will not only make me ill-tempered and grumpy and spacy, but it'll make me tired and weak and sick like I used to be. And I don't want that.
I want to have fun on this vacation with my sisters, and eat and laugh with them, and tan my well-nourished and bigger body in the sun. I want to appreciate my curves, because in appreciating them, I am appreciating good health and vitality and the true essence of life - even with all its imperfections.
So today, to honor my body, I'm going to eat. I'm going to go on a hike with my sisters, and I'm going to think about my AWESOME body a lot, and say thank you, thank you, thank you. You are a survivor. You got me through the worst of days, and I promise to never do that to you again.
© blogalisciousness by brie at 10:35 AM