Friday, April 19, 2013

Get to know me?

So there's been this "assignment" circulating the group therapy I attend.  My therapist initially gave an assignment to one of the group members to write a paper that was all about her...what she liked and disliked, what her hobbies were, etc.  Just a basic "get to know me" paper.  Well, it sort of snowballed, and every week another girl or two would volunteer to write the paper and bring it the following week, until it was just me and one other girl that hadn't yet done it.  This past week the other girl volunteered, so I thought I was out of the woods, until my therapist said she thought it would be good for me to write it right now too, and asked that I'd bring it next time.

Sounds stupid, but I'm nervous about it.  I mean, I love writing, and it's not like writing something like that will be hard...but ever since I had a major scare on my blog, I've been super conscientious about what I post and what people know about me.  So, even writing something as simple as basic get to know Brie stuff feels foreign and weird...and slightly threatening.

But I'm going to do it, because I'll admit I'm also a bit excited to do it...because the other girls have mostly just written straight up, simple papers, chronicling their likes and dislikes and childhoods, etc, but I'm going to make mine funny as hell.  If I have to write this paper, then I want to write it with the intention to not only have them learn more about me, but to have them laughing their asses off too.  It lightens things up a bit, and trust me, I COULD USE THAT IN GROUP THERAPY.

So tonight I started brainstorming things I want to write...and of course I hit a wall.  So, now I'm asking all of you, dear readers, what are fun little tid-bits you'd like to know about me, or questions you'd want to ask me that would be in the spirit of getting to know me?  I'd love suggestions on what to write about, and don't worry - as soon as this paper is written, I'll even post it here too.  :)

Thanks in advance!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

My OB is Awesome

This is why my OB rocks:

 I saw her for an appointment yesterday, and pretty much cried the whole time.  This was very awkward for me, because I have this major fear and insecurity of her seeing me as crazy.  I think this stems from way back when I lost Kendall, and about a week after...she took my labs and they were crazy bad.  She called me upon seeing the results and told me I had to go to the ER, and she specifically mentioned a hospital where they had a psych ward, because I think she was thinking my ED was so bad, I needed to be hospitalized.  I got all pissy and told her I'd gladly go to an ER to get checked out, but that I wouldn't go to the specific hospital she was recommending.  Ever since then...I think I'm just embarrassed.  I don't know.

But the crying wouldn't really stop, so I didn't have much choice in the matter.

Chained to my neb all weekend...
I was telling her how awful  things had been when I was on the steroids, and how I was SO depressed and SO angry, and how it just wasn't me...I was telling her that Brandon hadn't even been able to go to work because I was so low, and that I had to stop taking them because I could not handle being in that head space.  And she totally agreed, and is going to talk to my pulmonologist and work with him to try to find a med combination that will hopefully help me enough that I won't have to go back on steroids while I'm pregnant.  She told me that her goal wasn't to get me to breathing like a marathon runner
while pregnant, only that it was good enough that my oxygen saturation was staying high enough, and that I had enough stamina to walk around and clean my house and basically be a mom and not have my day to day life be interfered with too much.  She said that the only real thing she was worried about was that if I catch a cold or a flu, she said she would probably hospitalize me, because my lungs would be shot, but since we're moving out of cold and flu season and all that icky respiratory stuff, I'm hoping that won't happen.

Mila tryin to be like mama...child, it's not as fun as it looks
So, please cross your fingers for me that I can stay off steroids.

She also said that she isn't going to weigh me anymore, and that she'd leave all that stuff up to my dietician and therapist.  Which relieves me greatly!  I always had so much anxiety getting on the scale, but now I don't have to worry about it - and I'm happy she was really aware that was difficult for me.

She wants me to come in every week for the next while, just because of lung stuff, and while it's a long drive for me, (40 minutes, plus I have to find a babysitter) at least I know that she cares and that I'm in good hands.

So, Baby Boy #2 is still doing well, and I'm really happy about that.  :)

Thursday, April 11, 2013

15 1/2 Weeks

Haven't done a pregnancy update in awhile, so thought I'd do something quick and rather disorganized, just to remember it:

Little baby boy man seems to be doing great.  I listen to his heart beat every night on the doppler, and I'm just barely starting to feel little flutters in my tummy, usually when I am sitting or lying down and not moving around much.  I feel like my belly is huge, but looking at these pictures I'm going to post...not so much.  I mean, it's definitely there, but it's not like inappropriately ginormous or anything.

Cravings are still insane.  I mostly want sweet stuff, but really, anything that is edible I'll usually go for, especially when I get desperate - i.e., every night at 9 pm.  I've definitely gained weight so far, but not as much as I would have thought or even guessed - I am definitely lower than where I was with Mila at this point.  I actually seem to gain more weight with my girls than with my boys - not sure why.

Glad that baby man is doing okay, but I'm not so much.  My lungs are awful right now.  I started a high dose of steroids early last week to help me breathe, but quit them after 4 days because I was feeling really volatile - angry and impulsive and depressed and just so not me, I couldn't take it.  It's been about 5 days since I've been off them, and I've slowly been noticing it getting harder and harder to catch my breath, and I just keep ignoring it because apparently I think that if I pretend something isn't happening, maybe it'll actually be the case.  Sigh, magical thinking...

Anyway, don't know what to do about it.  I obviously need to breathe but I cannot bear the way the steroids make me feel.  I see my OB next week and if I can make it that long, of course I'll talk to her about it.

Also really stressing about body image, etc.  Of course this just comes with the territory when pregnant, but add a big ol fat eating disorder on top of it, and it makes for one awful mess.

Luckily I scored these super cute maternity pants at H&M for $15, and the purple is so springy!  Maybe cute(r) maternity pants will actually help me be cute(r).  We shall see!

(Oh, and ignore my messy mud room in the background.  Embarrassment.)


So, a big change for me yesterday - I cut my hair like 7, maybe more, inches.  I also mostly got rid of the red - I loved it when I first got it done, but after a few weeks, it was too hard to keep that vibrant a color in my hair, and it turned kind of orange-y, and I didn't like that at all.  So I settled on going dark, close to my natural color, with a deep red that is much more subtle.  I love the color - I feel more "me" with it.

The cut itself is great, but it's been a huge adjustment!  I keep doing double-takes every time I pass a mirror, and my, my heck, I can see it!  It's so weird.  My hair hasn't been this short in like 10 years, so it'll take some getting used to.  But, overall, I think it's going to be a great change.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Kendall Day 2013

Happy 3rd, Babe.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Oh Boysies

This happened today:

I am, seriously, IN SHOCK.  I am in a happy shock, a surreal daze, yes, but SHOCK nonetheless.  I would have seriously staked my life on the fact I was having a girl.  And, like, I've mentioned on my blog before, I wanted a boy, but was so sure it was a girl!  This pregnancy has completely mimicked the symptoms of my girl pregnancies, and was nothing like when I was prego with Cade!  My sore boobies and morning sickness LIED TO ME.  And I am so happy about it!

I had been planning this elective ultrasound for weeks, and never told Brandon about it - I almost slipped up and told him a gajillion times, but I actually managed to keep the secret!  So I got the ultrasound done today, and my mom came with me, and when I was told I was having a boy, I sort of just stared at the ultrasound tech and my jaw opened real wide and I blinked, slowly, like three times, and...well...that as it.  My big reaction!  But I was just so shocked!  Once it wore off a bit, I had some time to grin and yelp. took a few minutes.  :)

So Brandon was able to come home from work to some yummy cupcakes waiting for him on the counter...and he had no idea I'd even gotten the ultrasound in the first place!  Brandon is beyond thrilled too - he was very much hoping for another little son.

So, now onto seriously considering names.  So happy I get to squeeze my little man chicken in about 5 1/2 months(ish) time!!!