You've heard a lot from me. But you've never heard anything from Brandon. Brandon doesn't have a blog, and he rarely comments, so you don't often get to see how awesome and supportive he is of me, except when I mention it in my posts, from time to time. So, in light of the prompt today, and on getting someone else's perspective on what it's like to watch someone go through an eating disorder, I asked Brandon to take a couple minutes and blog for me on what it was like for him to watch me go through this. It's pretty amazing.
Here's what he has to say:
From the time I met Brie I knew two things about her: she had a lot of difficult issues to work through, and that an amazing woman was buried under all of those issues. For me I knew those things to be facts and I also knew that one day she would dig herself out of the mess and the garbage and that she would soar.
The first several years of my marriage were very hard for me, and I suppose I knew they would be. Constant trips to the ER for a huge spectrum of reasons. Sending my wife to inpatient treatment more than once. Watching her hate herself and hurt herself. Not being near the front of the line in terms of things that were the most important to her. Needing to pull most if not all the weight solely myself and heap mounds and mounds of patience into the marriage. While these things sound terrible, and they are, I can tell you why I was able to endure them day after day, year after year. I knew these things were not part of my wife, they were part of her disease. And I knew she had within her what it would take to conquer and eradicate the thing. I could always see her real value.
She has almost done it, and she didn’t do it overnight, and she hasn’t done it in full. My marriage is much different now. She is kicking the crap out of her disease, and in my head I see her standing on top of the heap of problems that used to bury her, and figuring out how to dust off and remove herself from it completely. At any moment she will sprout wings and she will absolutely soar. What used to be buried under piles and piles of bad things, is now standing on top of the piles, breathing more free than she has since she was just a little kid. What is that like for me? The things I mentioned about have changed, yes. Very infrequent hospital visits, no inpatient treatment, no self-harm or self-hatred. I have a rejuvenated wife that has made it clear to me that I am right at the front of the line in terms of what is important to her. I have a wife that likes to laugh. I have a wife that is willing to take weight off of me and carry it. I have a wife that is wholly dedicated to giving her children pure love, as well as me. To me the difference is about as contrasting as anything could be.
Thanks honey. Thanks for loving me, and for being patient. I couldn't have done it without you.
Not even close.
Not even close.
Thank you for seeing in me what I never knew I had in me.