Thursday, May 17, 2012

Day #17 - Attitude Makeover

Attitude makeover...

When I was thinking about what kind of attitude makeover I could use, the first thing that popped into the good old cerebrum was that I need PATIENCE.

And lots of it.

I've NEVER been a patient person.  Ever.  When I want something, I want it now.  When I want to do something, I want to do it now.  Not tomorrow.  Not a week from now.  NOW.

In fact, the most recent thing that has tried my patience was over some stupid makeup.  I bought some makeup at the Lancome counter, and they asked me if I wanted to get a gift with purchase.  I thought, great!  More for my money!  Of course I want to do this.  But then, I was told that I couldn't pick up my gift with purchase OR the makeup I had just bought for over two weeks, because it wasn't until then that the gift with purchase promotion started.  So I thought, get the makeup now, awesome, but then I don't get all this free stuff.  It was agonizing to make this decision, but I finally did, and I decided to wait to get the free gift with purchase.  And it was the longest two weeks of my life.  I almost died.

I think this has affected my eating disorder recovery a little bit, because, oh you know, it's taken me a DECADE to recover.  With someone with little to no patience, this decade has been more like a century.  Because the whole I want it NOW thing has really, really had to wait.  A long time.

And, because I have no patience, I've blamed myself a lot that I couldn't just get better faster.  I've been told over and over by treatment professionals that recovery takes a stinkin long time and a lot of work and patience, but it still has really sucked.  I've gotten impatient and frustrated with myself.  Instead of letting it be, I just get upset with myself.  Start blaming.  And that's never a good headspace to be in.

I also recognize that I need to be more patient with others - in many areas, but I am talking specifically about having patience with others in relation to eating disorder recovery.  Because I am part of the ED blogging community, and because I've been in treatment a gajillion times, I have obviously met A LOT of people with ED's.  And I've met a lot of people who are not yet ready or willing to recover.

And, I'm going to admit it:  sometimes I get frustrated that people don't really try or don't really want to recover more quickly.  And yes, I understand that I am wrong to think this, and I understand that I need to have this whole patience thing, but I do get frustrated when I see people continuously wallow in their eating disorder misery, and don't do anything about it.  I think, If you're so miserable, then why don't you try to get out of it?!  I guess I just so badly want people to feel the utter joy and freedom that I feel, now that I am in recovery.

And yes, I know that there are many reasons, most pretty complex, as to why someone stays in their eating disorder even though they are damn near dead and utterly miserable.  And I get that.  But I am just admitting this on my blog, because we are talking about having an attitude makeover, and I am freely admitting some of my weaknesses.

And that is one of them.

But please don't think I am unempathic, because I'm not.  I care very deeply about all of you, and about your eating disorder recovery.  But sometimes I just have to keep my pesky impatience in check.  Because I care so much, I simply want you to have freedom and happiness, and as quickly as possible!  :)

So, patience.  I could really use an attitude makeover with this.  Anyone have some they want to share?  I could give you something in return...I could so an Irish jig for you, or a high kick, or I could warble the Star Spangled Banner for you.  Think about it.  It's cool.

7 comments:

Arielle Bair (Becker) said...

My Moogie (the wisest woman on earth) used to say:

Patience is a virtue,
Posess it if you can.
It's seldom found in woman,
But never in a man.

:-) Then she'd cackle with glee. Always stuck with me.

brie said...

that is so awesome! i think i would have liked your moogie. :)

tess said...

that parents sign is amazing ('patience is what parents have when there are witnesses'). sweet!

brie said...

i know tess, isn't that hilarious? it didn't even really go with today's blog post, as i didn't talk about my lack of patience in relation to parenting (though i could have written VOLUMES on the subject!) but i thought it too funny not to put on!

Liz said...

Ya patience is a hard one for me. I love the butterfly quote.

Penny said...

I think patience is what we think others have and something we think we lack. Others looking at you would think you are very patient. You rarely show anger or ever even raise your voice...But the person herself knows her inner thoughts and how she has to control them and then thinks she is really not very patient. Well, I think that humans just think thoughts impulsively and when they don't act on them, then they are patient.
I think we all deserve more credit. BTW the Parents quote is fab and so true! I learn so much that helps me on YOUR blog.

bri said...

Love this! We are twins I am entirely too impatient as well! Love ya mucho!