When I was thinking about what kind of attitude makeover I could use, the first thing that popped into the good old cerebrum was that I need PATIENCE.
And lots of it.
I've NEVER been a patient person. Ever. When I want something, I want it now. When I want to do something, I want to do it now. Not tomorrow. Not a week from now. NOW.
In fact, the most recent thing that has tried my patience was over some stupid makeup. I bought some makeup at the Lancome counter, and they asked me if I wanted to get a gift with purchase. I thought, great! More for my money! Of course I want to do this. But then, I was told that I couldn't pick up my gift with purchase OR the makeup I had just bought for over two weeks, because it wasn't until then that the gift with purchase promotion started. So I thought, get the makeup now, awesome, but then I don't get all this free stuff. It was agonizing to make this decision, but I finally did, and I decided to wait to get the free gift with purchase. And it was the longest two weeks of my life. I almost died.
And, because I have no patience, I've blamed myself a lot that I couldn't just get better faster. I've been told over and over by treatment professionals that recovery takes a stinkin long time and a lot of work and patience, but it still has really sucked. I've gotten impatient and frustrated with myself. Instead of letting it be, I just get upset with myself. Start blaming. And that's never a good headspace to be in.
I also recognize that I need to be more patient with others - in many areas, but I am talking specifically about having patience with others in relation to eating disorder recovery. Because I am part of the ED blogging community, and because I've been in treatment a gajillion times, I have obviously met A LOT of people with ED's. And I've met a lot of people who are not yet ready or willing to recover.
And, I'm going to admit it: sometimes I get frustrated that people don't really try or don't really want to recover more quickly. And yes, I understand that I am wrong to think this, and I understand that I need to have this whole patience thing, but I do get frustrated when I see people continuously wallow in their eating disorder misery, and don't do anything about it. I think, If you're so miserable, then why don't you try to get out of it?! I guess I just so badly want people to feel the utter joy and freedom that I feel, now that I am in recovery.
And yes, I know that there are many reasons, most pretty complex, as to why someone stays in their eating disorder even though they are damn near dead and utterly miserable. And I get that. But I am just admitting this on my blog, because we are talking about having an attitude makeover, and I am freely admitting some of my weaknesses.
And that is one of them.
But please don't think I am unempathic, because I'm not. I care very deeply about all of you, and about your eating disorder recovery. But sometimes I just have to keep my pesky impatience in check. Because I care so much, I simply want you to have freedom and happiness, and as quickly as possible! :)
So, patience. I could really use an attitude makeover with this. Anyone have some they want to share? I could give you something in return...I could so an Irish jig for you, or a high kick, or I could warble the Star Spangled Banner for you. Think about it. It's cool.