I chose two pictures for my post today - one picture that to me, encompasses my eating disorder, and a second picture, that symbolizes my recovery.
When I was entrenched in the eating disorder, I frequently would say to myself, "I am an island." And that, to me, meant that I didn't need anybody. I didn't need anybody to touch me or hug me or help me. I didn't need anybody to care. And, I DID need these things. But, somehow, needing these things hurt too much, and so I tried to convince myself that I didn't need anybody or anything. No food. No love. Nothing.
I was alone. And it was hell.
I think this photo captures how I felt. Alone. No place to go. Stuck. No one to help me off my island and to safety and comfort.
Conversely, this picture so perfectly represents recovery to me:
The ties that bind her are free. The storm is clearing, and a rainbow is coming out. I can imagine that she must feel so exhilerated and liberated. With my recovery, that is really and truly how I feel now. These ropes that used to bind me, of pain and hatred and starvation and fear...they're gone. It feels so beautiful, so free.