Man, I can't get this glumness (glumiosity? glummys?) to dissipate. I am SO not a happy camper today. I'm not exactly sure why - yes, there are small things, here or there, that have irritated me or made me sad or whatever, but there hasn't been this one big thing that has just made me want to throw this temper tantrum - and I almost wish there were, because at least then I could fix it. As it is now...I'm just sitting here in this GIANT pit of despair, wondering what on earth is wrong with me, and what on earth it's going to take to pull me out of this. I think my depression is just cyclical, and sometimes, no matter how well things are going in real life, I'm just going to be a little down. And then the wheel starts turning again, and I start feeling better, even when there are no real, discernible reasons for that happening. When stuff like this happens, I honestly just need to ride it out. And that's not always as easy as it sounds, but it's the best I've got, I suppose. Sigh. I guess I'll just keep truckin. In the meantime, I'll keep sharing my freeze-dried apples with Mila and blogging. Two things I am doing right at this very moment, that are making me a teensy happy. :) Pictured is Mila, lovin the aforementioned dried apples. :)
Saw the dietish today - first time seeing her since I sent her the email, telling her I was quitting intuitive eating. I was NOT looking forward to the appointment, but I guess it went okay. If by "okay" you think that crying for no reason and blubbering your way through 30 loooooong minutes of session time is "okay." More like "Okay, we've established I'm a loser! Can I leave now?"
At least though, for the time being, she respected my wish to go back to my mealplan. She did say that eventually, she hopes I'll try intuitive eating again, and she reiterated to me time and time again that I don't "suck" at intuitive eating, and I'm "doing better than I think I am," etc, but nothing much at this moment can convince me to keep going with IE - for right now, at least. I need the mindless structure of a mealplan, because I do not have the emotional stamina to sludge my way through IE right now, I just don't. Though why on earth I had to cry to tell her that, I have no idea. I NEVER cry in dietary, like seriously I can easily count the number of times I've cried in front of her on one hand, and at least they were always for semi-legit reasons; today was just a killer. I feel like such a baby, but I couldn't help it. All the anger and confusion and just general what-the-helledness that is my life lately came spilling out of me in the form or unwanted tears full of embarrassment and inconvenience. And they didn't stop when I was out of her office, either. Good thing I grabbed a couple tissues for the drive home. :/
And then, to make matters a little more sucky, my therapist texted me this morning, cancelling my session I was supposed to have with her because she's sick. I replied, telling her I had a $25 cancellation fee for appointments not cancelled with at least 24 hours notice. She replied, telling me she'll absolutely pay the fee. Good! Maybe now that can go halfway towards the new pair of Toms I want. ;)
But it still won't make up for the fact that I had a loooot I wanted to talk about today - I really could have used a good sesh today - just my luck it happened this way. :( Oh well, I'll survive, right? And if any of you want to volunteer to be my therapist until mine has her game face back on, lemme know!
Anyway, I hope you all have a great weekend. Not sure what I've got planned yet, probably just some cleaning and family stuff, starting a new Stephen King book; nothing too exciting. I need something mega awesome to happen to cheer me up, like maybe getting a clown-gram or a bouquet of flowers, or SOMETHING. Pssst, Husband, get on it!!!
Love ya'll. Sorry I've been so grouchy this week.