Hope everyone had a great weekend - mine was low-key - but fine. We went out to the lot on Saturday and explored the house, and then Sunday I had to teach my dreaded sunday school lesson. I was moaning and groaning and hemming and hawing about it all weekend. I whine when it's my turn to teach! If I was teaching kids, it'd be so much easier, because they don't seem so judgemental, (at least the leeeettle kids) but teaching adults, man - the epitome of SCARY. They were all really nice though, and a few even came up to me afterward and told me how good a job I'd done, so I suppose it can't have been that awful. If anyone wants to learn more about King Benjamin's sermon to his people in Mosiah, and if you'd like a "mighty change of heart," then I am your gal! ;)
Photo - Whit snapped this pic of cade, playing with his new Thor hammer.
Today has been alright. I saw the T this afternoon, and that was swellsies. We talked about a smattering of things, and it was all very nice. Heh. SMATTERING. Me likey that wordy! ...She made an interesting comment about my body though...one I'm still scratching my head on..
So she said that last week, when I was walking out of her office and through the waiting room, her next patient waiting to see her watched me go. And when this patient came into her office, she said something along the lines of, "I don't have to gain weight, but man, that girl sure does!"
And I'm like...
I BEG TO DIFFER?
Scratching my head, here.
I know I don't need to gain weight. I'm not underweight - AT ALL. I know that I am definitely not at a point where I need to lose any more weight or anything, and all of the post-baby weight has definitely come off, but I guess I just get stuck comparing my body to how it used to be, and it's xx lbs away from scary-skinny Brie, and I feel like I look so BIG all the time, so to have someone look at me and think I'm really skinny and need to gain weight is just WEIRD. Seriously, there's no other word for it - just plain 'ol WEIRDNESS. And also, I kind of want to guffaw. Or even throw my head back and scream with laughter. But maybe that's just the immature part of me. :/
On one hand it's nice to hear that other people think you are thin, and not some giant whale, but the majority of my thoughts tend to lie in the realm of being stressed out that someone thinks I'm too thin, because I really don't think I am, and I'm eating a ton of food to prove that I am recovering from the ED. And you know what? I no longer WANT to be seen as "too thin." I don't want to portray that image anymore. I'm over it.
And I really don't want to get too caught up in what other people think - so I guess I should just stay strong in the fact that I know that I'm doing well, and I know that I'm eating, and what other people are going to think about me is up to them, and it shouldn't matter to me. But...
I know I'm in a zone though where I need to be careful, as losing any weight at this point wouldn't be okay, so I really need to take what she told me seriously, and not scoff and brush it off, because if other people are viewing me as too thin, (even if it's like 1 in 100) then I'm probably at the point where I need to be cautious and make sure I'm getting in every bite of my mealplan, just to make sure I don't lose anything. And I will!
Photo - Mila being too cute while getting messy, eating yummy Oreos.
Has anyone else ever encountered something like this? Or any ideas/thoughts on how to handle something like this?
But man - just weird to have someone so completely throw a wrench in the whole way you think and view your body. I haven't had anyone tell me I'm too thin in a looooooonnnnnnnnnggggggg time, so it really kind of threw me for a loop. I guess I'm still kind of trying to process it.
In other news, I just had a nasty flavor of Hot Pocket. Don't get the pizza flavor with sausage! Eewies! However, I'm now murdering several peanut butter Oreos, and those are going down muuuucccch nicer. :) I always default to Hot Pockets for lunch (with a few sides) when I'm feeling lazy and/or cheap for lunch. But man, that was a giant bucket o' yuck. :( Eating gross food sucks, which is still a nice transition from when my stance used to be eating ANY food sucks. This is at least a step in the right direction, and I've decided that eating disorder or no, eating sausage just might be against my, like, VALUES. Or maybe just frozen sausage. I don't know.
Okay, this smattering is officially over. Bye!