Thursday, January 7, 2010

Yakking Yesterday

I hate throwing up. LOATHE it. There is something about getting your face really close to a toilet, then having to deal with the rebound splash, and the saliva that abundantly flows, and the gagging, and eye watering, chest heaving; just EVERYTHING, that makes me ill even thinking about it. Purging has never been an issue for me in my eating disorder, probably solely because I abhor nothing more than said above.

But yesterday.
Yesterday I just could not get away from puke. It was like an unwelcome house guest that parks it on your sofa and then poops in your toilet and clogs it. And hogs the remote. In other words, smothers you with its gross company. Get it?

It started in the afternoon, while I was waiting for Doc P, my ED doc. I was kinda pouting because I was totes being ignored and had been waiting like an entire era in there, probably while they dealt with someone more important than me, who I deduced to be the Puking Person next door. I could hear her retching. Loudly. And groaning. And a few curses. And scrambling nurses. All while I waited. Quite impatiently. And I thought, “What do I need to do to get some attention from them?” Puke? Faint? Have a heart attack? Do the Macarena? …And the pukage length and volume of the poor soul next to me was, like, worthy of an Olympic medal. It was really grossing me out, because the exam room they were in is one that I am often placed in, and I just thought, “Eewwwys. Um. Totes gonna refuse that room from now on!”
So yeah. Finally, finally, the doctor sees me. Says she is “concerned,” draws my labs, and scoots me on my way.  The end.

Later that day, I had an appt with The Ferr Bear, my psychiatrist. I saw him directly at 6 pm, and he is in the heart of downtown SLC, and so getting there during rush hour was not entirely the easiest or most calming thing I had to do. I kind of hate everybody else on the road but me, because I feel like they all suck at driving. Everybody but me. I’m serious. It’s, like a legit issue I have. But Brandon was going with me, so he was driving, and Mom had made dinner for us, only we sat down to eat when we needed to be leaving, and so I literally shoveled in my chicken and potatoes and green beans (just kidding I left the green beans on my plate, NO THANKS) in 4 minutes. I swear. I timed myself. And then we booked it out the door to make it on time.

It was starting to snow, and everyone was trying to get home from work, and the freeways were awful, and I was having an anxiety attack, and the food in my tummy was like, “Yeah, I wanna peace out,” and I just thought, “Holy no. Oh crap. It’s going to happen. I am going to puke up an entire bucket o’ yuck, right here.” So I scrambled around in the backseat until I found a crumpled up plastic grocery bag, held it open in front of me, and started to do the preliminary hiccups that come before the storm of stomach contents. I tried reaaaaaal hard to keep it in. I focused on the road, kept my eyes in front of me. I blasted cold air on my face. I prayed to the Car Sick Gods to keep in my cals, because I needed them. And then – and then – they stayed in! No puking for me! I still felt a tad uneasy though, so I kept the sack with me and scurried into Da Ferr Bear’s office. I still felt nauseous, and my anxiety was still totally molesting me. Throwing up was still definitely something I felt could happen, and retching up my stomach contents on my psychiatrist’s lap was definitely not an aspiration of mine. Funny, I know, odd, yes; but true.

After our sesh was over, I wandered into the bathroom and had a major #3, all while keeping the sack open in front of me, ready to puke. AGAIN. But I didn’t. And I was happy. Due to all the reasons in the first paragraph.

But then we started driving home. And I was still having anxiety. And then the car made me sick again. And I came home and was suddenly and violently involved in unintentional pukage. And I felt horrible. HORRIBLE. …But slightly grateful that my stomach waited to revolt against me in the privacy of my own home. That was nice.

I totally lost dinner. And my T is making me MAKE IT UP. With Boost.
That’ll pry make me want to yak

I blame it on Puking Person in the exam room yesterday. She started it.


Telstaar said...

Oh boy what a crappola day! :( Don't blame you on the totally not wanting to puke thing...

*hugs and compassion*


*hoping for a WAY better day today*


Kerri said...

Ewwy Brie, I so feel your pain. I have MAJOR pukage fears. Like the second I start feeling the copious amounts of saliva I lose it. Unlike you, I am totally unable to stop myself randomly crying (yeah sorry, I get the pleasure of being THAT embarrassing girl, lol) Yep- I cry because I know the pukage is inevitable and I can't do a thing to make it stop. Clearly I have control issues.*grin* Because of this I have puked ONCE since I was 11- and it was food poisoning. Honestly, I think I am just so afraid of it that my brain won't allow it to happen at this point. Everyone I know gets the stomach flu? I might feel HORRIBLE, but the pukage just doesn't happen for me. Anyway, I am quite happy for you that you at least got to make it home first. Very extremely sorry about the nastiness that is boost though...

Penny said...

Hey;, you are more related than you thought! Your papa was telling me a few days ago that he had not puked in over 30 years!!!Obviously he hates it too and probably has some control issues too, but I am glad for you that you inherited his psyche. Where would you be now if you liked it?
Remember that big spagetti sized nerve runs from your brain to your gut and so that is why if you are very anxious, it can all get transferred down to #3 or "the other". Had it happen to me when I let Misty date and she got lost in the mtns in the winter and I had never even told her Dad! And then Canyon Patrol got called and I had to tell him. Major sickage for Me! But, as they say, I learned for myself and some value in that!

brie said...

yep - i honestly don't throw up that easy, but my anxiety totally seems to be winning the puking battle(s) lately.

i think i threw up at home because my body finally knew it was a "safe" place to vomit!

lisalisa said...

glad you did not lose it on your Psych Doc. That would have been awkward.
Puking is the worst.

Maeve said...

Ugh, that sounds absolutely horrible!

I too utterly despise puking, and not just my own puking either. The sound/smell/sight of someone else throwing up is enough to put me off food for a good day or two. If I have to endure all three there is a fairly high chance that I will join them in the puking. So yes, I definitely blame the girl in the exam room next to you for starting your day of suckage.

Please tell me this all happened AFTER your guitar lessons. Please say you managed to still have that happiness yesterday.

I hope today is better for you!

Eating Alone said...

I'm a non puker too. ED tried once after I had a 1/2 a banana but I drove around a while and was ok. Well I'm not ok haven't been in a while but i didn't puke. Last puke was fritos and cherry slurrpy like 7 year's ago. Talk about a colorfull experience.

Drink the boost you need it and it will help you. And eat some saltines they help.

t. said...

*shudder* i have serious barf-phobia. i mean, i never liked vomiting, but after puking my guts out for half of my pregnancy, i gained a whole new hatred/fear of the Upchuck. your first paragraph totally gave me a flashback.

sorry you puked. and sorry you have to drink boost. :( and i hope there is no more barfing for you.

brie said...

yeah, i totally feel fine today - the anxiety is at bay enough that i don't have any, er, intestinal disturbances.

and THANKFULLY i was okay during my guitar lesson! a bit shaky and jittery, but i think i was distracted enough that all was bueno. :)

bananas said...

Good job on holding off the pukes 'til the end of the day! I hope you felt better afterward.

Shawnee said...

Okay...I think I'm just a mayjah idiot...but what on earth is #3? Is there something that I'm missing...sad face

Brie we should jam sometime on our sweet guitars. We'll make Alana come, too

Kimberly W said...

I'm behind on the lingo, but I have no idea what going #3 means. I didn't want to seem unhip so I googled it and the urban dictionary says going #3 means masturbating. I'm pretty sure that's not what you were talking about (and I definitely know your mom wouldn't be talking about that), so now I have to ask. What is it?!?!

brie said...

Kim!! Ahahahaha, NO I DID NOT mean masturbating by #3. In my family, that's what we call diarrhea!!!!

Kels Anne said...

I hate puking as well, and today is the FIRST day I am STOPPING. Officially. It was a new years resolution to not do it at all, but it's harder than I thought.. =[
I've "slowly stopped" this week, but I still did it every day... ugh.
i am done though.

sprinkledwithcinnamon said...

Oh noooooo! Pukage is no funsies at all- I agree, I have a mild phobia of it in fact! I hope you feel better...and I hope the Boost you had to make it up with was at least tasty ( tasty as Boost can be.)
And haha going #3! Good one, Brie!

Stephanie said...

Yeesh- I was nauseous all day yesterday, too. Forced myself to keep it down bc I am also one of those that HATES vomit. Lol wrote about it in my blog and everything. We must be twins *gasp*

Glad you're feeling better :)

Cammy said...

Ok I have totally never heard of a #3 body fluid, you have given me my educational moment for the day.

I'm sorry yesterday was so vomitous! I totally hate throwing up too. I can only remember doing it a handful of times (never on purpose) in recent history, but have a major aversion to whatever food I happen to puke up for YEARS afterwards.

I hope you're feeling better today! Sorry you gotta get Boosted, but remember that throwing up not ONLY steals energy from your cells but also wacks out their balance of electrolytes and all that other stuff that keeps you system revving correctly.

Glad you got through the guitar lesson, though!

Heather Lindquist said...

You have now thoroughly succeeded in making me sick.

Samantha Kay said...

I used to cry when I threw up.
Like full on... tears, loud sobbing sounds... "DADDY!" Begging for help.
I was eighteen and throwing up out the side of my friends car, handing her my phone and telling her to call my dad. I was scared gutless. :D
I was thought... If I don't stop puking... will I puke my stomach and intestines and insides out?
I stopped crying when puking... mmmm wait. Sometimes I still do.
It's awful and I do it as least often as possible.

Sheyenne said...

Oh my... we could totally MFEO... definitely feel the same way you do! I NEVER had a prob with bulimia for the exact same reason... cou'dnt stand to puke. So sorry you were sick last night! icky! I share your dislike! Hope you feel better!

Krista said...

Throw-up? Puke? Up-chuck? Toss your cookies? Lose your lunch? Vomit? Purge? Spew? Regurgitate?

Nope. Never done any of those.

Alexandra Rising said...

Oh man, I know you need the nutrition...but I cant imagine how it must feel to get so sick [after so much build up] only to be told you have to 'make it up'!
I am sorry!! I hope you are feeling better today. Poor chica!

Kara said...

There is nothing worse than already feeling pukey and then riding in the car. I get majorly motion sick, so I bet the car rides didn't help one bit.

Sorry, I haven't commented much on your blog lately, my holidays haven't been so hot.

I do want to say that I love you and your blog and you keep me going. Thanks.

wendyorozco said...

ah, what a crappy day. :( that sucks.

i throw up all the time, and i hate it! i used to make myself throw up a lot, and so i think i ruined myself for life, because now any little thing makes me unintentionally puke.

i'm glad your body let you wait until you got home. that was a little plus.

also, i too was wondering what going #3 was, and now i know. :)

mikeandbrittany said...

Hey I've never posted before but have been reading your blog for a while now. Sorry to hear you got sick. That really sucks. Anyway, I saw this joke and thought you would probably like it. So here's to hopefully bring a chuckle.
girls night out

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....

If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh f***.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

nurse122705 said...

I read about your vomit extravaganza while eating my yogurt <-- lol I think I might yack now myself!! Hope you ok now!

Because I'm a nurse in a nursing home, my job description unfortunately requires that I pour 4oz cups of various boost (sometimes Ensure- whatever) flavors and distribute them to 20 elderly people- twice in 8 hours!! The smell of all the Boost has made me yack more times then I can remember. Nobody at my job can imagine how much boost like products I was forced to gag down to save my life. All day long, Boost running down old ladies chins, making sticky faces & hands. I feel your Boost pain.

JennyMac said...

Your sense of humor is awesome.

I hate puking too. Hate it. Didnt keep me away from the vodka back in the day though did it?