My therapist thinks it’s more comfortable for me to have relationships with people via Blogging Land than in Real Life, because I can project whichever image I want to be on Blogxygen’s screen: I can be happy and chipper and the class clown, or I can have my rare (but starting to become more frequent; sheesh sheesh bo beesh) moments where I am a ragin’ hot mess. I can pick this and this and this but oh not this on any given day, don my persona, and let you all partake of it. Nom nom.I don’t have to talk or interact physically with most of you. I do, of course, have my DDF’s and BFF’s in the real world, but even then, a lot of me is restrained, and I am making an active effort to be real with them more oftensies, too. Apparently I am lonely and need to break down my GD walls. I’ve been told that in real life, I can be intimidating. And that’s sad, because I’m, like, the NICEST PERSON I KNOW. I’m not even kidding. So while people don’t want to approach me because I scare them (WTF, man?) I am on the sidelines feeling like a floozy and that there’s some inherent flaw in me that is keeping me from having friends.
She isn’t saying that blogging is bad, or that I should stop, because she knows how much Blogxygen has saved my life and helped me begin to form an identity other than Sick Brie that One Girl with Anorexia. I guess she just wants me to be aware that it’s necessary and healthy to actually talk on the phone or face to face with people, too. And I’m like, lame lame lamazoid.
But…okay. Time to work on that.
This is really hard for me.
29 comments:
Blogworld is basically the only place i actually "interact" with people...other than my husband, son, psychiatrist and the people at the grocery store...fam's on the other side of the country...in "Utah, gateway the Nevada..."
i'm certian my shrink would agree with your shrink...
Looking lovely as always, Brie.
Ha, floozy!
You ARE in fact one of the nicest freaking people on the planet and I have no idea why people would find you intimidating. I have been told that I can be seen that way too, or cold or unapproachable, but let's face it -- it's 'cause I'm a beotch.
And I feel so fortunate to have been able to meet you in person and can't wait to see you again. :)
awww, nanners, thanks for the sweet comments!!
♥ you
Yep. I blog, and I spend a lot of time on online forums (Babycenter) and I feel like I get all the social interaction I could possibly need. But don't stop blogging, I so enjoy your blog :)
Are you trying to hint that you want my phone number? Cause you're totally married.
-c
There is something about blogland that allows us to be so much more open than in "real life". I have a great group of friends in the real world, but I desperately shy away from talking to them about my eating disorder (or really any of the things I blog about). I think for me the issue is that it's one thing to write a long spiel about how I'm feeling, it's another to actually have a conversation where someone could do something shocking...like ask questions...
And for the record, I believe you when you say you're the nicest person ever. I remember when you posted the bit where you were on TV, and your voice even sounded sweet.
I love the blogworld and am so happy I discovered it and all the fabulous people such as yourself on it.
I've been told that I'm intimidating too which I've been super WTF about...maybe its cuz i'm shy if I don't know someone!
And PS I have a severe phone talking phobia which is kinda debilitating...gettin out there in the flesh is hard, but ultimately rewarding :)
yes - so true that it's "safer" to bitch 'n moan in the privacy of my own home while perfect strangers bear the brunt of my suckiness and whinging. when i love my family and friends dearly, and would literally die for them, why can i not tell them when i'm having a really hard time, etc?
wtf, indeed.
oh and calvin - i love that i'm not just married, but totally married. haha
omg! that is so me, too! even people thinking i am intimidating when i'm probably the sweetest, most accommodating person around. i mean, i have my snarky moments, but they remain confined to my head for the most part. i had a post on my blog about this same sort of thing not too long ago.
i've been working on it lately. trying to be more social. it's hard. but i like to think i'm making some progress. if only baby steps.
good luck on breaking down those walls.
tea tea! you seriously *are* the nicest person in the world! (literally THE WORLD seeing as you live, you know, in ITALY :) if you lived in the US, i swear i'd move wherever you were shacked up so we could play. :) unfortunately, i don't speak italian, so for now, no dice. ;)
ladies and gents, so nice to know i'm not alone in this...
Well, you could just diagnose Blogxygen with DID. Or...selective DID. I bet it would be the first blog to receive a diagnosis of multiple personalities!
I think you always shine through, regardless of what you feel like sharing [or keeping to yourself] in your blog.
Sometimes I think the internet is a blessing for people with different types of anxieties.
I don't know, I camp out in the internet a lot because social situations are intimidating at times. I don't thiiiiink it's a bad thing; then again, I may be biased :P
You could skype or ichat and then say, "Booya, T! I can interact with people and still sit in front of my computer screen! 2 birds, 1 stone!"
alex, i like your thinking! we should fb chat and i can tell my T i totes had an interactive conversation, lol.
and i LOVE that blogxygen could have DID. cackle cackle!
Yep I'm with you. I don't like talking to many people in real life, funny considering I do phone support for work (I love abuse), but the blog's are great. I get so much out of them. I've met so many nice people, strugling but nice. It's helping me learn to care about others.
Brie,
Just want to say...that I have never found you intimidating. Not that I actually know you. But, from what I know of you on this here blog you are so REAL and funny and kind. I love your blog. I'm sick of reading about rainbows and bunnies and flowers and everyone elses "perfect" life. Gag me. I always appreciate your honesty. I strive to be more like that when I write. And P.S., if I saw you on the street, and recognized you from this blog, I would totally go up to you and demand that we be realsies friends.
Hmm, my therapist has told me pretty much the same thing. I really don't have any friends in my real life (I have moved far from my hometown, and even there, my friends are a very small select group). It's just me and my computer, which is lame, but hey, I have major social anxiety too, so it's just easier. I definitely get the "you are unapproachable" thing,because I have had so many people say that about me, then they got to actually know me and were all surprised when I wasn't scary, lol. It, for me, is my anxiety over people not liking me, so I avoid them, and they think I am a nasty cow. Also, online it is easier to talk to people that have the same issues as you do, where you may not know that about someone in your real life. Personally, I think you are awesome, and sure, maybe you only show one side of yourself here, but who doesn't do that?
Bwie,
I float on a different boat sometimes. I don't do much of the whole blog-land-friendship thing, but at the same time I don't really have much interaction with people anyway. So I guess I am in more need of this therapy than you. Does that make you feel better?
Oh, and what is the address (physical not virtual) for this alleged Mormon Bachelor Pad? You know, just in case.
oh wait husband, i thought people didn't want to interact with you because you look like a terrorist and/or rapist? especially when you shave your head, haha...
hmmm....I see what she is saying.
Sadly, I have a ton of trouble communicating with people in Real life AND Blogland due to an enormous (and growing) amount of anxiety about....oh, everything.
I have gotten the intimidating comment before which blew my mind, too. However, I also had someone say i was timid. (wth?) I am thinking sometimes people's perceptions of us say more about THEM than us. Not sure. Anyway, seems like a good thing that you are pressing yourself about this and being open about it.
shawna
I have a hard time connecting with people in real life in general. Its so hard to lose the sick girl label. I just don't know what else to say on it.
Breezie,
I feel as thought I kinda know where you are coming from. I interact with select people and I have been told I only offer certain pages from my book to these peeps and those are the only pages they have read and will ever read. I don't blog much or anything like that though, because even that is too much for me too handle and what not. I was on the ski lift the other day and I said hi to a kid that rode up with me and the words, "Social interaction check, now I can tell my T that I succeeded at socializing" actually came out of my mouth as I got off the lift. It is tough. I don't know what I would do without text or e-mail, but I do think interaction is important but hard as hell. We should get together soon. Call or text me...
Boy can I relate. Not that I blog all that much or have that many virtual friends, but I have such a hard time being "real" with people. Not that we should be wearing our hearts on our sleeves all day long because I think if we ran around telling every person about our deepest, darkest secrets we'd probably end up in the loony bin. In fact, I think we've learned to put stuff on the shelf and hide it in order to survive. But for me I've gotten so good at distancing myself from people (especially emotionally) that even though I desperately long for good friends I rarely manage to let people get closer than arms length.
I have an idea, how 'bout we hang out sometime? I know I've said that before but I always have a hard time following through because I'm afraid you'll find out what a dork/looser/boring person I am. But I have a cute kid that will most certainly melt your heart and make you laugh. But only if you're up to it--the last thing you need right now is one more thing to stress about.
I feel you, Brie.
From your blog, I see a really, really nice person. If you started interacting more, I bet the world of the people you interacted with would get a little brighter. Just from your blog, you make my life a little brighter. It makes me try to find the humor and lighter side of all the crap in my life.
Sorry for all the serious talk! ;)
mmm.. hot pockets! great source of umm... trans fat? What kind are you munching on these days?
I am definitely in the same predicament as you. I would muchmuchmuch rather spew my painful verbiage on my blog than sit down and pour my little heart out. It seems much safer within the confines of my own home (aka tunnel of shame + doubt) - than to have to see the faces of those I love + hear their immediate heartwrenching responses - which in turn make me feel like I am continuing on a downward spiral into the rabbit whole...
love your insights, opinions, and you blog dude. how about your blog is uplifting and inspiring many other people with EDs all over the world. this little kiwi appreciates what you have to say anyway. as blogs have been helpful.
people often dont get it tho, the internet wont love you back" is a sausage wallet comment I have heard.
its not really easy to talk about the struggles in real life, people sometimes dont want to hear it either, and then owch with the stigma that follows.
but in saying that i havent left my house in far.too.long and i spoke with a friend last night, i was nervous to call her but we ended up roaring with laughter and talking about everything and nothing and it was the best medicine.
you seem like your the nicest person too.
courts, i'd LOVE to hang out with you sometime soon! you can't be nerdier than me, lol.
I guess I'm kind of on the borderline with this. I do have plenty of "real life" friends, but never talk about ED stuff with them. I had a few friends at my undergrad school that I could discuss those things with, but none here. So if I need to vent some ED stuff, my blogosphere buddies are vital. But then again, there are people I've met thru the ED blogs that are totally cool and I have much more than a disease in common with to, it's like ED was the initial point of contact but not what sustains the friendship, if that makes sense?
Still crossing my fingers that I'll be able to see you when I visit your icy homeland next winter!
Mine actually told me on several occasion's that we should set up a "text time" instead of "live time" because I can express myself so much better in fonts than in face. Screw the social thing, just be happy!
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