Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Tube Sitch: a Cautionary Tale

Therapy on Friday morning

W: You’re digressing. Your weight has been going down steadily for the past couple weeks.
Me: I’ll try really hard this weekend to make it up, and when I see you on Monday, you can weigh me then and see what kind of progress I’ve made.
W: We’ve done that too many times. Your weight might be up on Monday, but history shows that by the following Monday, it’ll be back down.
Me: La la la, twiddle thumbs, avoid eye contact …Okaaaay…?
W: Is it time to think about inpatient?
Me: NO! The lady-lady tells shady lies!
W: Then it’s time to talk about a feeding tube.
Me: NO! She lies, she lies!
W: There is no other choice, Brie. Either you get the tube, or you go inpatient.
Stare stare stares at me with those piercing green dagger eyes
Me: Are you serious?
W: Yes. I’m dead serious. Something has to happen TODAY. Unless, of course, you want to tell me I’m crazy and fire my ass. But that would make me sad. And that wouldn’t do you any good. You’d just prove to yourself AGAIN that you can’t recover by taking yourself out of the game too early.
Me: Lame. …Erm…I…guess…I dunno…I mean, I’d rather have a tube than go IP, because I refuse to do that.
Evil Brie: Fire her fire her then dance in her tears!
Angel Brie: Do it sweetie, you know you need to. Listen to your treatment team, humble yourself, you can do this…
Evil Brie: Blah blah blah yakkity schmakkity.
And finally…
Me: Sigh. Okay.
W: Okay. Good. F I N A L L Y.  Good grief some compliance at last.  Let's call Dr. P.

According to my treatment team, if I do not gain and maintain weight quickly, The Recommendation will be inpatient. I need to get my weight out of a “critical level” soon. I guess.

So, kids, be prepared for some fattening of the face in some pictures. You should also be prepared for rants and raves and oooooh my craaaaps I’m soooooo biiiiiigggggs.

Moral of the story: an insanely hardcore treatment team + a low body weight + a weakened flight system telling me to STAY PUT instead of RUN RUN RUN FROM THE SCARY LADIES and telling me to listen to my treatment team and do what they say instead of deciding I know best (weird, weird!) = a tubed Brie.
That’s one complicated equation.

Don’t be the next.

29 comments:

inthemainstream said...

I'm glad you stayed-put, and that you're on your way to a healthier, happier Brie-face. Pulling for you, girl.

-Amy

Cammy said...

Interventions are definitely no good for the nerves, but hang in there. I know that sometimes recovery feels like something being done *to* you instead of *for* you, but truly these people only have your best interests in mind, and they're trying to break through the distorted lenses that the disorder plants over your eyes.

No anxiety over pics of "face fattening", you know we don't think like that about you. I have seen pics of you at superlow and not as superlow weights, Brie, and I am totally NOT blowing smoke up your ass when I say that the healthier (aaah, H-word!) you are, the more fantabulously gorgeous you are. And more importantly, you get your life back as well, which is all anyone who loves you will care about.

Hang in there, much <3.

Kerri said...

Oh Brie, do what you have to just stay out of IP! I know I am lame, and I won't detail why, but I really need you and your blog posts right now. Yeah, I know that sounds creepy and weird, but checking your blog is just a part of my day and getting to see how things are just as crappy for you as they are for me (in different ways) but that you can still be funny about it and deal with it. I need that because I don't know how to do that. So yeah, please just don't go IP if you can help it at all. Bet you never guessed you were helping anyone else out that much hey? Anyway, I am glad you did what you needed to do.

tracy said...

i thought ALL LADY therapists were scary. Time to call in the MEN!!!!!!! :) Anyway....sorry things went so rough.

brie said...

Kerri, I appreciate what you said. Honestly, it's nice to know I'm making some sort of difference in other's lives. Stay strong, okay?

tracy said...

Okay, now that i've finished that rant...please feel better and know how much i care about you...

Hugs,
tracy (ha, ha...a former Salt Laker who escaped with her husband and son to Virginia...i have no idea where that came from...)

Brandon said...

Babe, your math skills are impecable. Why am I the one in school? You derive equations that brilliant men and women would gasp at in sheer "it's so amazing and I need new pants" kind of ways.
I will give you anything you want if you "fatten" up your face. ANYTHING!!! You are where you need to be and I loved this post. Too creative, you are, too creative.

brie said...

Husband, I'll tell you what you can give me (and must):

an entire new wardrobe from Buckle!!!

Eating Alone said...

Thanks for this post. I was a little worried about the tube. I know you've been through so much but hearing that your listening to your treatment team is very nice to know.

Personaly my therapist scares the crap out of me sometimes. She's only used the I word 2 times. It's funny that it's my choice but I feel like if she say's it I'll have to go.

brie said...

yeah, david, as much as i hate to admit it, the tube is probably a good thing. obviously it's good cuz it'll help me gain weight quickly, but it's also good in that getting the tube was a humbling process for me and it is really good that i'm listening to my treatment team and following their recommendations. i have a great track record of running away from a treatment team when they say "inpatient" or "feeding tube" so i think it's really good i'm sticking with them and finally trying to see this thing to the end.

Suzi Q said...

Very proud of you! :)

t. said...

as much as getting the tube probably sucked, it's doing you good. and i'm glad that you consented and are letting yourself be treated.

you've got like a meeellion people totally digging on you, so you've got to stick around, like, a long time. you hear? do what you need to do to get better, woman. <3

Heather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heather said...

I'm a fellow CFC offender (erm... reoffender, I guess), and I started reading your blogaliciousness a little while ago. I just wanted to say that I think you're like, buckets of cool... and I'm totes rooting for you and Larry.

brie said...

Heather: Scary Larry? Totally cackling over here!!! ;)

Dena said...

Brie,

I think your own comment said it best..."see this thing to the end."
I have all confidence in you that you will kick this ED to the curb!!
I'm rooting for you!
Dena

kristin said...

Keep on keeping on, Brie!

lisalisa said...

you made the right choice for sure. Treatment "in the least restrictive setting possible" is my motto. If the tube will keep you out of IP and more importantly help you get healthy then i would see this as a positive.

Alexandra Rising said...

<3

I wish I knew what to say, but I dont. Just...even if your face 'fattened up' it would still be a very thin, beautiful face. It would not be fat. Nope! No sirree. Argue all you want but I will shake my head vigorously and disagree.
'Tis a pretty face, on a pretty girl who is in desperate need of nutrition, not only because she has a huge family and many friends who love her, but also because she has many bloggee friends who care about her, too!
I'm "Team Brie" [not "team evil-mean-abusive eating disorder"]. I dont like to lose so please let Team Brie win, kay?

[PS The tube is Team Brie, too.]

Heather said...

I totally went back and changed the scary Larry part because heck, I'm a complete stranger and I thought it might be somewhat offensive... but it seems you caught me and now I feel like a nimrod. I will keep being inappropriate, however, if it makes you cackle.

Gena said...

I personally am SO glad you're not IP. That didn't help my daughter AT ALL. I think you've made a great choice in listening to your team and not firing them, although I also know they can be harsh.

I'm behind you all the way.

sprinkledwithcinnamon said...

Rant n rave all you want my dear, because it is your divine right. As much as it sucks les balls...sometimes we need a dosage of tough love to help us fight the ED boy- I remember I shunned my parents for a week when they forced me to spend my summer in PHP otherwise I would "Not be allowed to go on my study abroad to India," something I had been looking forward to for over a year! I stopped shunning them because...well because...I secretly enjoyed PHP and realised that I really was a lil effed up in the head and that no i was not naturally the size of the kids i babysit. And for that...NOW i am grateful, at the time it kind of fucking sucked to have to have that seemingly useless glass of milk with dinner or butter my buns (that's what she said...obnoxious, sorry).
You can do it! You got all of us cheerleading you to make it to the line across from the critical zone. And my dear, you'll never be chubs don't let any little evil Bries let you think that!
lotsa loveeee

bananas said...

Your face has no ability to be chubbified. It can only look healthier which would make you more beautiful. Too thin face = :( Just look at my pics if you need a reminder of that.

SeCrEtCoWgIrL said...

You can do it! Keep fighting! Bananas is right... you can only look more beautiful! Never give up.

allegri said...

Brie, I am so glad you have a kick-a treatment team! Because as already stated they are keeping you alive and what they are "doing" is for you not to you. I envy you. I am in the process of building a treatment team as my family is gearing up (trust me it feels as though they are waiting for me to fail...) the big guns and threatening IP...

Em said...

Brie- math sucks, doesn't it?
Here's another equation that might make your rather elegant one seem less sucky:

Tubed Brie plus time and treatment=
Adorable Cade proudly introduces his hot mama to all his buddies @ high school graduation.

Fake it till you make it and hang in there,
em

brie said...

i like that idea, and hadn't entirely thought of it that way: my treatment team isn't doing anything to me; they are doing this for me, and i need to do it for me, too. :) yay life!

brie said...

Em - i LIKE that equation! totes an aspiration of mine to become a MILF, haha. and -- i'll look hotter with xx lbs on me, right? ;)

Em said...

Brie,

I was totally going to say something about Cade's friends thinking you're a healthy looking MILF but then was afraid of revealing how my mind is always in the gutter. Glad yours is there, too. Here's to MILF-dom