Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Keeping Ya'll Informed

Okay, I’ve decided, my friends, that you are a Godsend. Let’s get real and say that my life has kinda been the pits lately, but writing my blog – especially lately, and then reading all your comments, have not only entertained me endlessly, but actually given me a reason to smile – and get this – laugh, even. I truly truly adore each and every one of you. We should have a Blog Buddy convention and do a ‘lil meet ‘n greet. How cool/creepy would that be? [happy emoticon]

I also realized to myself that I haven’t given anyone an actual treatment update (i.e. how my beast of burden aka eating disorder) recovery is going. I’ve done this knowingly, of course, because while recovering from anorexia is a big okay huge part of my life currently, it’s not the only thing I am or do, and I wanted to explore other sides of me and get to know them and have ya’ll meet them, too. (OMG I sound like I have DID haha!) At any rate, here’s a little about what’s been going on lately:

My dietician, E, went on maternity leave, so I got to have the mortifying experience of having W, my T, weigh me 2x/week. For almost all of November and December, I was very nearly put in the hospital on more than one occasion due to my low body weight. I have now gained x lbs, and yes I know what that x really is, because yesterday in frustration W actually told me the real number (an omg shriek “No she di-n’t!” in ED recovery land) and said that I have to gain by next week or my butt will once again be threatened with either going to the hospital or some lame IP facility in Ogden, because apparently maintaining and not gaining for 2 weeks in a row means I’m “digressing.” Um, no. Lame. This of course I am not okay with, and thus; I have stuffed a banana and a Hot Pocket in my face just now (not at the same time, mind you. Eew!)

So mostly we’ve been doing damage control since Kendall’s death. I kiiiiiiinda stopped eating when I found out she was gone. I am definitely picking things back up though, but as my husband says, “It takes a lot longer to fix a car than it takes to break it. Rawhr I'm manly and use masculine metaphors to get across to my wife." Ho hum dee dum. It’s amazing what 4 weeks of restricting has (once again) done to my body. It’s sad and tired. I’m trying to make amends (both physically and emotionally) with the little bugger.

But things are looking up, right? I start guitar on Wednesday, I have several people who would probably email me a cleavage shot, (guffaw!) I’ve got a great treatment team who, admittedly, a lot of the time feel like the proverbial thorn in my ass but really care A LOT and only want me on the road to recovery a little more, errrrr, stably. (Wait. Is there a proverb about a thorn in one’s ass? Hrrrm. Must. Google.) And even though my daughter is no longer living, I do have an incredible son and husband who are, and for that I am blessed.

So now I just need to start that recovery band, and life will be complete! Court’s in for drums, I’ll do guitar, so we need like a bass and a keyboard and a singer? I’ve already decided we’ll call ourselves the Almighty Bitch (in reference to how much Ana sucks) and we will be amazing and healthy and millions of recoverees and wannabes will come to our concerts and swoon.

I’ve got Francesca and my black fingernails waiting…

30 comments:

sprinkledwithcinnamon said...

Well you can surely count that I'll be in attendance at the first Almighty Bitch concert! I love how despite a lot of the shizz you're going through you manage to keep a sense of humour and hope and ambition, that's really admirable.
And i totes know how frustrating it is having docs all up on your ass for maintaining two weeks in a row- or at all. I remember when I was IP a few years back, the doctor accused me of engaging in symptoms because I lost weight from the day before (and in this ED Unit there was 24 hr supervision so OBVIOUSLY I couldn't have purged/restricted/exercised since there was always a nurse right there!)...the only reason I lost weight was because I was constipated the day before and then wasn't anymore by the next weigh in. (sorry for the gross details) but in any case I got penalized for that!

Cammy said...

Oh can I be keyboard, can I be keyboard? I'll even do it one-handed, damn this splint.

Thanks for the update, Brie. You know we loved hearing about your adventures and witty stories etc, but we all care about you and are concerned as well. Props to you for hanging in there, dealing with so much plus the holidays, and staying committed to fighting this thing. You are going to take this year by storm. Hang in there and drop a line if you ever need an ear!

There may be a big gap in the Frozen Pastry Sandwich Thing market for a banana product, now that I think about it... ;) Remember that you need the energy for that beautiful mind as well as your bodacious bod.

brie said...

cammy, you can totes be all over the keyboard! and...thanks for the support. i ♥ you.

Maeve said...

May I please play bass? I've always wanted to play in a girl band!!

I'm glad to hear that you have a treatment team that cares so much about you (not to mention all the other people who support you in real life). I know that they can drive you nuts, but they do just want to help.

After I lost someone very close to me (and the most important person in my life) I slipped back into e.d. mode. It wasn't intentional, it just happened (and in fairness many people lose weight during grief, it's just that for most people that weight is not crucial to immediate survival). After that relapse it took me awhile to pull out because of the combined issues of grief and e.d.

BUT, I did it (with the help of my awesome shrink). Not only did I get back to recovery mode, I am now healthier (man I hate that word, but it is applicable) than before my relapse.

So I guess the point of this story is....

YOU CAN DO IT!

P.S. If you let me join the band I'd like to write a song entitled "you can do it," it seems just cliché enough to be awesome.

Krista said...

I call singer!!!

brie said...

maeve, of course you can be in the band! and krista too!

how are we going to work this band out while we all live in different states/countries, haha? hrrrm. we have a conundrum on our hands...

Krista said...

I have more to comment, but was really worried that I would lose my place in line for the band. Now I'm not a good singer by any means and if you decided to kick me out of the band at least give me a second chance as a back-up dancer cause I was totally like a cheerleader in Jr. High and I'm sure that would qualify me.

So what is this place in Ogden? I have never heard of a place down this way. If you want I will go spy on it for you and let you know what it's like ;-)

I'm glad you gave us the update on recovery cause we all love and care about you and want the best for you.

Oh and I would be totally down for a creepy meet-n-greet.

brie said...

Krista - who cares if your voice sucks, right? It's not like I can *really* play the guitar, unless we play and sing "Brick" over and over, tee hee hee.

The place in Ogden is Avalon Hills. If I do have to go IP, which I DON'T, I refuse to go to CFC, so to Ogden it'd be.

Oh yes! We need back up dancers and someone can play the picollo and triangle, too. :)

Whit said...

Krista stole my spot as singer. Maybe we can take turns doing the solo's and the other can do backup. With how good I am, I know you wouldn't want me to be left out.

brie said...

Whit - you can draw crappy design cover-art for the band. Remember IP how I used to make fun of you in art therapy? Ahhhh, the good 'ol days...;)

Krista said...

Do you think E (the T from CFC) would agree to be our make-up artist and wardrobe designer?

brie said...

Krista! You just made me retch! ;)

...She'd pry make us wear socks with Tivas...

Courtney said...

I'm all over those drums. Maybe L, the music therapist from CFC, would let us cover those beautiful choir songs we composed. And then we better invest in some wicked web cams so we can connect with everyone for our jam sessions.

Courtney said...

Oh my goodness, I just read Krista's comment and I think I wet myself! Yes, E must be our wardrobe designer. Can you imagine us all in those crinkly, hippie skirts? Perfection! :)

brie said...

court, i don't know how many inspirational songs i can handle - they kinda make me wanna retch! i'm totes going to compose an Almighty Bitch song, and i'll post it on my blog - suggestions are welcome! :)

Brandon said...

I guess I will try for band manager, unless this is a She-man manhater band that doesn't allow boys. Nevermind, I couldn't handle you all for 1 day!

brie said...

Husband, you would make an *excellent* band manager, though you miiiiight be right in that it'd be hard to tame us all. I think, in the end, you might want to throttle us. We might need a therapist as our band manager, lol.

tracy said...

i t h i n k it's "Thorn in the side" and "Pain in the a@@". HA! Such a wealth of knowledge!

Thanks so much for the update. i know you will do well, so many people love and adore you and i know you want to be strong for that Wild Girl Band. Arrgh! i definately can't sing and the only thing i can do is play 4 songs on the mountian dulcimer...somehow that just doesn't seem to fit in with the image! Besides, i think i am old enough to be you mom! That's it! Can i be Band Mom????

Be nice to you!

Hugs,
tracy

Maybe i can get my cute psychiatrist to be Band Therapist!

brie said...

tracy, we ABSOLUTELY need a "band mom" to tame our butts! and you're right about the whole "thorn in my side" thing. when you corrected me i laughed out loud - i'm so ridiculous!!

and what the hell is a "mountain dulcimer?"

standing in the rain said...

therapist as manager and dietician as our cook when we "hit the road" with our tour in 2020. hilarious.

oh, and i want to play the harmonica. or maybe the cello. ;)

standing in the rain said...

oh and i totally want you to get on some lyrics for our headlining song, "the almighty bitch." because, let's face it, you're like the best, most hilarious, honest, and entertaining writer there is.

brie said...

kaleena, haha - that cello comment was a low blow! ;)

dietician as crew cook. tee hee hee!

ghost girl said...

well if you need a person with a tambourine I am in. I mean, i don't actually HAVE one but i kinda always wanted to.
Good luck with fighting ED. You are strongest!

Shawna

Samantha Kay said...

Just stay positive, babe. Believe in yourself, love yourself, INSPIRE YOURSELF.

Victoria said...

i love your blog I have founs my stuff reading the whole thing from almost start to finish. I love how real and open you are! I know you can do it keep up the great work you are amazing

allegri said...

I just had a major cackle fest reading all of these comments! by gosh you are all soooo hilarious! hehe. LH and I will be your groupies!

Brooke said...

Yo girl. Love you. Thanks for sharing your honesty and eating your banana and hot pocket. Every little thing helps. And I'm glad you are grateful for the little things such as your little man and your hubby. Remember those things every day.....ok??

Heather Lindquist said...

Can I be the color coordinator? Like, ummmm, design the set? It could look like fire.....I'm good at those colors! Oops...gotta go....Lily Bean is eating my hair.

Samantha Kay said...

I can totally be one of the dancers.
I can jump up and down and all around
- & I'm pretty much just a pro on the pole fyi.
Yep, I'll be your hotttt dancer-with curves of course.

Sheryl said...

COW BELL... WE NEED MORE COW BELL!!
...and you better believe this girl will be bringin that bad boy in! YYYEEEEEE

Keep on keepin on girl. ;)
Sheryl