Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Why 2 Anorexics Should Not Make Mashed Potatoes

1. Because these particular two [recovering] anorexics (Whit and I) HATE to cook – contrary to many out there who are obsessed with it.
2. Our OCD got in the way and we whipped and whipped and whipped and whipped and whipped and whipped and whipped and whipped (hold on did I get eight "whipped's" in there? I NEED eight. ;) those damn mashed potatoes until we couldn’t find a single lump.
3. Only when everybody ate them, they were really lumpy. Our Lump Radar sucks. I pretended my sister had made them.
4. When skimping on the amount of butter one should put in said potatoes, I clumsily dropped some of the butter wrapper in the potatoes. And it was never to be found again. (And trust me we parted those potatoes like the Red Sea to comb through them.) Whoever got that little gem got a leeeeeettle extra fiber that day.

Next Thanksgiving I’m going to ask for a simpler assignment than to bring 20 POUNDS OF MASHED TATERS. Holy oh my moly with some guacamole. Like maybe can I pretty please bring that canned cranberry stuff, or maybe water? Yeah, I’ll bring the water. How can you screw up water unless you like bring it from the toilet or something?

I did, however; make three punkin’ pies. I was a little nervous about food poisoning though due to a little, like, issue of a curdled factor in the condensed milk, but no one so far has reported any pukage so I think I’m in the clear. I’m such a pioneer.


Cammy said...

I have never understood the concept of condensed milk, , I just picture these factories squeezing the milk, which seems like a very messy process. I strongly distrust dairy that can be stored at room temperature. But pies at room temperature are a different story, sounds like you were a success, despite your new secret ingredient for mashed potatoes!

I am also one of those non-cooking obsessed EDers, glad we're in good company. If it requires me to do more than add water and heat then I am way out of my depth.

Telstaar said...

Hehe :) This amused me greatly :)

Courtney said...

Love you guys! And I couldn't agree more-I HATE cooking! I get embarrassed when people ask me to bring food because of my sub-par cooking skills. Props to you guys for making all those mashed taters and pies!

brie said...

Courtney SHUTUP! When I was out of commission you made me the freaking most amazing chicken noodle soup. I don't buy the whole "you suck at cooking" thing. No ma'am, I do not! ;)

allegri said...

hahaha... this had me cracking up! so much like thanksgiving at my house.

t. said...

this is funny stuff here!

lisalisa said...

Part of my mother in laws spatula just, like, broke off in the greenbean casserole that I made. I found it in the leftovers I was eating the next day.