Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Why I Like Living in Utah and/or “Mormonville”

[And just to be clear, I am LDS.]

1. Getting your boobs and your nails done is waaaaay cheaper, than, say, in California. And probably even Kentucky.
2. Drinking Diet Coke feels like a delicious sin.
3. There are so many kids at the play-place at McDonald’s, that you can easily blame someone else’s child when your kid pees down the twisty slide. *coughMistycough*
4. There is a good chance you have tried every casserole invented on God’s green earth. I would estimate you have liked approximately 45.768% of them. If I’m being optimistic.
5. You’re not considered unkind if you don’t give money to the homeless, since you have to give an entire 10% of your income to the Lord, anyway. I figure He’s got the homeless people’s backs. Although, it is pry safe to assume that the poorest homeless people live in Utah. Is that an oxymoron?
6. One may, out of desperation, come up with many alternatives for curse words. Let’s use “shit” as an example. Some of the words I use as a substitute include, but are not limited to
-shat
-S-face
-Shoo-fah (thanks Tawny)
-suck-a-doodle-doo
-S-Bomb
…and, of course, when I am playing Mario, I say the real thing because I cannot control my language when I kill him. I feel too awful.
7. Having an eating disorder is not technically breaking The Word, like, say, being an alcoholic. (In the LDS Church)
8. The day “Breaking Dawn” was released, I happened to be at McDonald’s letting the kiddo play around while I munched on some fries. I looked around me and EVERY WOMAN was sitting in a booth with her nose in that book wearing Team Edward or Team Jacob shirts. I had a good roar seeing grown women and mothers getting’ all hot and sweaty for Eddie’s rock hard marble bod. Us Utahn’s love us a good fantasy, don’t we?
9. The chance of becoming an alchy in Utah are drastically lowered because the alcohol content in beer and other liquors is roughly equivalent to what you’d find in baby formula.
10. In Utah, getting asked to the Prom is FUN. No one just comes out and says to you, “Hey, you wanna go to prom with me…?” (look down, scuffle feet.) No, you get asked in a silly tricky way, usually with a riddle or something you have to solve left on your doorstep, trying to figure out who asked you. I sure had a lot of FUN when someone asked me to the Winter Formal or whatever by putting a LIVE MOUSE in my BED. THE BED I SLEEP IN. That was really FUN. REALLY REALLY FUN. FUN IS DEFINITELY HOW I'D DESCRIBE IT.

Why do you love living in Utah or in your state?

20 comments:

Laura said...

I LOVE living in CA because I can always be outside barefoot, I am a car ride away for the beach, the mountains, the snow, the dessert (or is it desert? I am talking about the dry hot place, not the yummy thing you eat at then end of your meal).

I love that just being in Hollywood makes you feel like you are famous, even though you are not, but if you put on big glasses, and carry a giant purse and a Starbucks, you LOOK famous

Starbucks on every corner

Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on every corner

Everybody is in the industry so you get to score tickets to the Academy Awards, and live tapings...

fashion, film, and TV are very important here

people will pay $150 for a cake. good for me.

brie said...

Laura, can I come live with you? I've already got my boobs, and I guess I can give up the acrylics...sigh...

Courtney said...

- The car in front of you has so many stick figure children on it's rear window that the driver can't even see through it's rear view mirror

Hmmmm, I should be able to think of many more but I'm kinda brain dead today!

brie said...

Haha Court that's a good one. :)

kristin said...

I love living in Washington. Seattle is probably one of the best cities on Earth. I love the green, the trees, the mountains, the rain (my favourite kind of rain is mist), the Market, the Seahawks (though it is quite embarrassing to be a fan at the moment), and everything. The state is diverse with everything you could possibly want to do or be. I love it. I don't know if I would really ever want to live anywhere else though it would probably be acceptable to live elsewhere as long as it was in the Pacific Northwest.

lisalisa said...

I read that in salt Lake city you should lock your car door, not because of crime, but because someone might fill it full of zuchini!

Keely said...

Wearing a cowboy hat is normal... (Not me, but a lot of people wear them! I secretly wish I could...)

:D

Keely said...

Moun'ain, Foun'ain, cur'ain. No one pronounces "T"'s. You're weird if you prounounce the town "Hurricaine" the correct way (hur-i-cane) and not her-kin.

In sum, being a hic is okay.

tawny said...

Oh i love this...you have me cracking up!! You hit it on the nail living here in good Ole' Utah!


And p.s my word is SHI (sounds like SHE) FA. so SHI-FA! love it. it works out for me...and the kids have no idea!

ghost girl said...

Zydeco music, folk art, New Orleans architecture, New Orleans Everything (including renewal!), looong summers, big front porches, and Community coffee anytime of day, sun tea, national forests! Oh, and we have drive through windows on liquor stores (okay definitely file that under unique, NOT good). swamps, Cedar trees, Cypress knees and a rich cultural history.

This question made me really think of things to be thankful for. I am VERY often upset about my state. Louisiana is ranked very low in health, education, etc. However, a big part of the culture down here is to do the best you can with what you have. Bloom where you are planted right?
This was fun. Thanks
Your list made me laugh!
Take care,
shawna

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

I like the snow and the skiing.

I like how cheap, inexpensive dates are considered ok.

I like the grid street system, so it is hard to get lost.

I like living so close to the mountains.

I like that someone made up the word 'Tooele' and named a town and county it.

I like making fun of the previous.

I also like making fun of Tooele by calling it the Desert of Absolute Boredom.

Go Utah!

And some of us native Utahns do pronounce our T's. :-P

Sam, The Nanti-SARRMM said...

I like the snow and the skiing.

I like how cheap, inexpensive dates are considered ok.

I like the grid street system, so it is hard to get lost.

I like living so close to the mountains.

I like that someone made up the word 'Tooele' and named a town and county it.

I like making fun of the previous.

I also like making fun of Tooele by calling it the Desert of Absolute Boredom.

Go Utah!

And some of us native Utahns do pronounce our T's. :-P

lisalisa said...

One thing I love about living in Iowa is you don't really have to be fashion concious if you are not feeling up to it. I mean, I regularly see adult women wearing Tweety Bird t-shirts! It doesn't take much effort to feel chic around here :)

Brandon said...

Brie- that was really really funny. Loved it.
Weird things to love in Germany:
-The mullet is alive and well here
-Porn magazines are at child-height level in gas stations. And it's not attractive porn, just loads of bad naked.
-Beer has a very high alcohol content
-The "S" word (also my favorite and yes use the real thing always) is "Scheisse." Try it- it's fun
-You can buy a beer at any children's indoor playground or park anytime after 10 am. Oddly, much less drunken-ness here than you'd think
-Twilight books are available in German, French, Spanish and English. Haven't gone there yet
-If your kid can't hold his pee till he gets to the McDonald's slide, he/she can just go by a bush or tree, or in plain view.
-Bratwurst is considered one of the 4 food groups

Emily (signed in as Bear)

Krista said...

That is great and so true. I think I only live here cause my family does. I would probably follow them anywhere.

now.is.now said...

What a fun-to-read, creative post!

Keep taking care of yourself, Brie. I know you can do it.

王子 said...

Everything comes if a man will only wait........................................

t. said...

well, now i am convinced. i'm moving to utah! ;)

Angeline said...

Utah-I love the sunsets over Antelope Island. The full moon popping up over the Wasatch Mountains. Crazy "Monkey Rain" where it is raining while the sun is brightly shining. I love that people actually rest on Sunday's and we never have to worry about having our kids recitals or game's on a Sunday. I love how all my boss's are super family oriented and let me leave work for any family related event. Chivalry is not a lost art among most men. There is always festive holiday events for every holiday. Seeing a Caucasian speak Chinese or a Hispanic speak Italian is just normal. Adoption is HUGE and so many children's lives are brightened by peoples generosity.

Root beer = roompbeer
Layton = Lay'on
Pant-sing someone = Depants

We have a decreased number of caffeine drinkers which leaves more for me :)

Devon said...

Mmm - I like Kristen's response! I'm looking forward to getting back to my home.

Let's be honest though...don't tell but Utah has grown on me a bit over the past 3+ years.

I love:

the grid system

kneaders french toast

the airport being 20 minutes away

the small big city

hiking in the mountains

making fun of Utah and all of it's silliness while realizing that I kinda live here too...

Here's to two homes. :)