Friday, January 9, 2009

Anxiety Me No LIkey

Hey Kids, today’s no fun. I’m sitting here on my break at work and am wondering why I’m swimming laps around the anxiety pool. Work was so crazy earlier, and I was freaking out and muttering to myself and trying to figure it all out…and I didn’t – or maybe I did? – But now that the too much drama for your mama has passed, I still can’t calm down. I totally need to take A Pill, but if I do I’ll probably fall asleep at my desk and drool all over my keyboard and maybe even get the letter V stuck to my face or something. And since I don’t want my coworkers to know I’m A FREAK I’ll just suffer in silence. Well, almost silence. I can’t quite stop the muttering. And sometimes I’m even doing it in a British accent which simultaneously makes me feel a leeettle better but also classier. Muttering in Spanish creates the same phenomenon. I highly recommend.

So what do I do? I think I’ve got a stress ball and a dart board hanging around here somewhere, I mean they’re totally inter-office staples. Just one of the perks of working for a corporation. They know the chances of going insane are pretty high so instead of giving you a raise they buy you fun little toys with the companies name plastered all over it. But shutup I love my new white board they gave me!

I don’t even know anything anymore. This post is all over the place and so is my head. I want some kettle chips from the vending machine but I only have .33 cents in change. I’d go panhandle the rest of what I need, but I’m freaking out too much to do the math. Maybe I should whore myself for it. The World hates me.

So, I obviously need to calm down, you folks are witnessing a breakdown here. Waitsies I totally know what to do:


Ah. I feel better. My little boy can always do that for me.
And so can my creepy husband.

So, the From Behind Bars post is coming to you shortly. Monday, I think.

Hope you’re having a less stressful day than I am. And if not, I’ve got an extra stress ball hanging around here…and also a creepy voodoo clown doll.
Which is totally another story.
See? I can’t stop my head. My crazy thoughts.
Weenie.
SecretStealerPants.
Construction orange.
Cat Porn.

Quick! I need a black bag!

12 comments:

satisfiction said...

Brie, I totally do that muttering thing too. Sometimes I recite all the colours in Italian, and when I used to work at [large chain hardware store] I would walk up and down the aisles swearing. Classy, I know. By the way, if you're at all OCD or whatever would spawn this desire, ripping a piece of paper into tiny, uniform squares is nice too.

-Lindsay

brie said...

my armpits are tingling and i'm profusely sweating. i need to leave work!

Kara said...

I'm sorry that you are a hot mess, but you are uber funny when you are! Try deep breathing and all the regular stuff and if that doesn't work (and it probably won't) try to take a dump - always works for me (although if you are too stressed this method will backfire).

Heth said...

If you could mentally transport anxiety, It'd take the hit for ya...as I'm now loaded with anti-kill pills. I know that feeling...that terrible I'm going to pass out if I don't just scream at the top of my lungs right here and now, damn it! But yes, seeing your man-child is a nice thing to do, to calm the mind. Even when you're random, you're funny. I'm just ecstatic that it's the weekend! Yippee!!!!

jana bananas said...

Yeah, anxiety blows poodles. (Doesn't have the same effect as "goats" does it?)

Sometimes it just slips in there, randomly. Boo on that.

You, like, have the cutest kid ever. I can't believe he asked about me the other day! That actually made me smile. I didn't think he'd ever remember me. Such a cutie.

Well if all goes as planned, I will see him in a couple of months!

jana bananas said...

And your husband is very nice and not creepy at all. :)

Brooke said...

I love the terms SecretSisterPants. Does that have to do with the movie or with our sissies. I also like Weenie. That makes me laugh. I love you, your creepy husband, and your baby love. Hopefully you'll have a less ridden anxiety day tommorow!

zubeldia said...

oh baby, what a horrid, horrid feeling. Do you remember when your T had you do that sort of walking meditation? I wonder if you could harness that when you're feeling the anxiety rise.. I know that it can be helpful sometimes, though I also know, equally well, that the thought of walking meditation is SO FAR from your mind that it's a sort of a joke to bring it up.. But, but, but... at times it can be something that preempts the angst from worsening.

Im thinking about you lots, my sweet Brie. And I miss you.

Krista said...

Anxiety totally blows! I hope you are feeling better today. Thanks for all your comments. Love ya!

Keely said...

I could totally go for the clown voodoo doll. ha ha! Does it come with pins?

Kyla said...

are you feeling better now?

NoSurfGirl said...

let's see... usually I engage in a little comfort eating but I'm not sure that's a suggestion that would be wise or accepted here? Strawberry yogurt all the way... anyway...

Creepy husbands are good for that.

My kids don't usually make me feel calmer.

Well, unless they're being cute. I guess when they're cute they have a sort of opiate-like effect... I guess those mommy hormones can go both ways. :)

Anxiety me no likely either. Usually for me it's at night... I have to force myself to ignore those racing thoughts and go back to sleep but if you wake up enough it's already too late. Buffy's good in those situations. Ahhhhh... Angel....