Thursday, January 8, 2009

Kidneys + Going Backsies = LAME

Only a few hours left to vote on the poll, folks! And to my supreme pleasure, it looks like the majority want to know about that one time I farted in Honesty Group. I can’t wait to share this gem with you, it’s for realsies a goodie!

Onto other news:

Who else thinks it’s totally lame that Richard Batista wants the kidney he gave to his wife back? Like, how does that work? They take it out of her and put it back in him? So, she dies and he’s got an extra? Sounds like a greedy little bastard. He said that he wanted it back because they’re getting a divorce because she cheated on him, and that has caused him “deep pain,” which absolutely I believe. But wouldn’t he be in even more “deep pain” if they opened him up and stuffed the kidney back in? Or what is he going to do? Donate it to charity? Or maybe sell it on the Black Market? What a freak. And really, he doesn’t technically want it back. He instead just wants $1.5 million for it. That’s all. No biggie.

I mean, you can’t just be an Indian giver with stuff like that. I heard an example on AM radio today. Like, what if you went back to Red Cross where you donated your blood and asked for your unit of donated blood back? And what if you said you didn’t want just any unit, but you’re exact unit? Like, please put back the platelets and the plasma and infuse it back into me p to the ronto! I mean this is all just insane. Who, when in a divorce settlement, asks for their kidney back? It’s like, “I’d like the dog, my grandmother’s locket, and oh wait my kidney back. You can keep everything else.” I honestly can’t wrap my mind around it and I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry. So instead, I did neither. I, like, roared. Roaring for humans is not what lions and tigers do, but laughing REALLY HARD. There’s a diff.

Anyway, I hope the wife gets to keep her kidney even if she did cheat on him. Ludicrous. What is our world coming to?!

Onto other news, I morphed into a man for about 2 seconds this morning. See, I’m having some phlegm issues. Reaaaaaaaaal bad. My allergies make everything so complicated. I can’t just get a regular cold, my asthma makes it go to my lungs then my chest and I cough and have post nasal drip and I blow my nose 17 plus a billion times a day and it’s all red and hurts and there’s phlegm rattling around down there. So this morning I was hacking up what felt like my ribs, when I coughed up some phlegm. We all do this, right folks? Only most swallow it. I decided to spit it out in a bucket in the bedroom. The bucket happened to be there, and I didn’t want it in my mouth any longer, and walking another 1.5 seconds to the sink was unthinkable. Brandon looked at me, like, what are you doing, YOU MAN? Totally bewildered him. I think I just spit my first logie. But I pronounce it like loogie, because it sounds less like a private part and more lady-like. Anyway, it was weird. I’m not sure if I want to try it again. Is this acceptable?

Oh, and our master closet is almost finished, I’ll post pics soon. It’s so big; I’ve got so many shelves and cubbies, I can put all my clothes in them but also my special secrets and treasures. It’s amazing!!

Oh, and another thing. Does anybody know much about I got an email from the editor yesterday saying she had reviewed my blog, and it was an honor I had recieved a score of 7.2 'n stuff, (hence the link on my sidebar) so I was all puffed up with pride, but then I went to the webiste and there are like 200 blogs ranked higher than mine, haha. Whateva. How did they even find my blog?

Hope you all have a great day! Don’t be an Indian giver today either, because it’s National Indian Givers Are Lame Day.
Oh, and if anybody needs a kidney, I’ll totally sacrifice. Just don’t mess with me, otherwise I’ll give you my left one, and you don’t want my left one because it’s the one that always has the UTI infections ‘n stuff. And then maybe I’ll even hack my phlegm on you…?
I’m just saying.

[EDIT: I just now realized that the term "indian giver" is racist. I honestly and truly did not mean it in that way. I remember as a kid saying that...but not knowing what it meant. Truthfully I still don't know the story behind where that term came from, I only know that it means "taking things back." I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone and meant no harm.]


april said...

FYI I added you to my favorite list almost entirely on the fact that you hawked a logie. I've always wanted to do that.

Melanie said...

I totally saw that story about the kidney this morning. Holy Crap!!! What the heck? He gave her a kidney to try and salvage the marriage, it didn't work out - MOVE ON. There's no 'backsies' on internal organs.

The fool is just selfish if you ask me.

Kyla said...

that kidney guy doesn't have a serious case, does he? you can't kill someone just because you're getting a divorce.

Kara said...

Wow, I just read that article on Baptista - absolute madness. Yeah, it sucks big time that his wife cheated on him, but demanding 1.5 million for his kidney??? A little ridiculous.

I understand what you mean when you use the term "Indian giver." I used to use it all the time until my dad said to me one day "You know, Kara, you are insulting an entire race of people when you say that." If you didn't know, the term is being derogatory towards Native Americans. You just might want to be careful since your blog is so public. It's not your job to make sure you don't offend people because it's YOUR blog and you should be able to write whatever you want and I truly believe that, I just think you should be careful on this one. XOXOXOXO

Krista said...

That is so messed up and kind of funny in a sense! Oh and your special secrets and treasures sound provacative (sp?) and I can't wait to see pics of them ;-)

Kara said...

I didn't mean my last comment to be bitchy at all. Sorry if it came out that way. You rock!

brie said...

kara, you're right. i honestly hadn't even thought that. truthfully, i don't even know where the term came from...what it necessarily means, i only know that it means you take things back. i didn't mean any offense to anyone!

Jackie said...

I would totally give you my kidney, lesbo lover. xoxoxo

Heth said...

Bizarre. I don't even think they can "re-transplant" a kidney yet AGAIN. There's probably some werid law that will be put in effect b/c of this BS.

Anyway, I too didn't know about the term being an offensive one. See...I'm always learning! I used to use it all the time as a kid too, and probably as an adult to. Now I know better! Thanks for educating the educator! : )

kristin said...

I can't believe that dude would want his kidney back! What an ass! I wonder if he will get his kidney back. I hope not!

Take care!

love, kristin

Kara said...

I know, I never thought about it either until my dad said something.

Kara said...

I found a short explanation of how the term came to be here:

Check it out if you want.

Brooke said...

Rasict Smastis. What is this world coming to! Honestly, it's not such a big deal. I always say "indian giver." I'm sorry, but that drives me crazy that it would even be brought up as racist! I hope not to offend anyone's comments, but stilll....what's the big deal?

Abby said...

Regarding the kidney issue--that is weird.

Regarding the phlegm issue--should I know better than to read your blog when I'm having Effexor withdrawals? Probably. Everything just seems more disgusting than usual right now. But it's okay 'cause it made me laugh!

Regarding language and racism--I've decided to put in my opinion; chew me out or delete my comment or whatever when you discover that this is long and off-topic. Um... I generally don't feel okay with using words for racial or ethnic minority groups to indicate something negative rather than to actually describe race or ethnicity. (I feel the same about words that denote certain other groups, too.) I guess I'm concerned that by using a word that primarily denotes a given racial or ethnic group to instead describe something really unflattering, we risk perpetuating a negative (sometimes implicit) association with that group.

I sometimes forget that anything exists outside the world of liberal hummus-eaters, and I was very much weirded out when I saw the term "Indian giver" in this post. But after I read the edit and the comments, my overall thought here is this: Brie, I really appreciate not just that you added the edit but specifically that you added the edit rather than just deleting or rewriting the post. Reading this post and the comments has given me something to think about in terms of the implications of the context in which people discuss all this... so, thank you.