Thursday, January 1, 2009

A Poopy Problem

I've blogged on here somewhere that going to stores where cheap items are sold makes me need to go poo to the poo. Weeeeell, I went to Walmart with my mom, and I totally had to go, but I didn't want to go in a creepy cheap bathroom with I bet pee and germys everywhere, so I thought, no prob, I'll hold it till I get home. So I made it home to the beautiful new pad, and DON'T HAVE A TOILET. Yeah, guess we're buying a new one? So I was talking with the Big B-ster, in a panic, and went through my options:

1: Go in one of the many dry-wall buckets in the house.
Pro: it's full of water and is dumped outside.
Con: the water could splash up and get my bum bum.

2. I considered using one of C's diapers. Wait. Stop!! I wouldn't like, VELCRO it on or anything, just hold it under me. I found this intriguing. Huggies proclaim to never leak. This could be like a scientific experiment or something. When I mentioned this to B, he said PLEASE STOP. IF YOU DO THIS, I WON'T SPOON WITH YOU TONIGHT.
Pro: I'd be the only adult to ever poop in a diaper for fun.
Con: I'd be the only adult to ever poop in a diaper for fun. Plus, I like spooning.

3. Go outside. I have a regular spot out by the shed when we didn't have plumbing before, but that was strictly for tinkling only.
Pro: I could put some snow or mud over it and nobody would ever know.
Con: A neighbor could see me. OR WORSE: I could get hypothermia on my privates.

4. Hold it.
Pro: the least messy option of them all.
Con: it's not nearly as cool.

Help?

14 comments:

brie said...

OMG. I'm so pathetic. I just realized that this is the first post of the ENTIRE NEW YEAR. Suck. Why do I have to be so gross? Way to start off my blog with the new year, Brie. Ya Lame-o.

jana bananas said...

Pffft, I love grossness! Bring it!

Tanya said...

LOL....B leave it to you to put a smile on my face when I don't want to be smiling. :)

I have no clue how to handle that sitch...its sounds painful and dreadful.

And who cares about gross??? Much prefer that to some other options :P

Heth said...

: )

This made me laugh so hard Brie. I think you should just go squat outside near the shed where you used to pee once it gets dark and poo there, then cover it up with snow....kinda like a cat.....ha, ha. Or, better yet, why dn't you just risk going to the nearest gas station and going...I know they're not the cleanest, but, hey, if ya gotta go, ya gotta go. : ) Good luck to your New Year!!!!

Krista said...

I'm gunna guess your not the first adult to poo in a diaper for fun. There are a lot of weirdos out there that probably get off that kind of stuff. You could go in the kitties litter box if you need to go that bad. It might cover up the smell.

Kara said...

That is a major dilemma! So many wonderful options though...

Krystle said...

LMAO, this is too funny! Brie, I am glad this is your first post of the new year. It made me laugh, which is as worthy a response as any. Happy New Year, sweetie. :)

brie said...

Krista, you had me roaring! I TOTALLY should have thought to go in my kitties litter box; that's priceless. :) Thanks for making me laugh.

Oh, and for the record, I do have a toilet now. Wheeee!

jana bananas said...

Congrats on getting a toilet! This is a momentous occasion! I am celebrating your toiletness with my toilets now. Toilet party!

Jackie said...

I just threw up in my mouth, sorry.

Tanya said...

OK the litterbox was a keen idea. And YAY for toilets...they are a necessity that I am so glad to have. I would hate to have lived in the time where we had to use outhouses and such. ICK...

tysthet said...

...and you are spending time typing this blog when you have to go so badly that you are seriously considering some of these options?! You must have some strong bum muscles! I hope everything, um, comes out okay...

:)

tawny said...

Oh man I am sooo glad I don't have your problem...good luck sista! BTW, I want to see your NEW house! Yay for Brie! :) Finally

Keely said...

HA HA! Oh man, Brie. You made me laugh so hard. I would go with the huggies diaper. Even if someone sees you taking out the bulging diaper to the trash, you can say that little cade had WAAAAY too much hummus. Plus it would always be a good story.

No thanks on water splashes on your bum.