Tuesday, January 20, 2009

One Pound Wonder

Holy oh my moly with some guacamole I’m SO EXCITED! I had an appt with the D today, and for reals I was SO NERVOUS because if I lost weight or even just maintained, my nose would’ve been all over the tube again. So I prayed to the dear Lord above for some HEAVY blessings.

and--

and--

I GAINED WEIGHT!! Shriek laugh joy doajig pelivthrust or whatever!!! When the D announced it was only a pound (as in, ONE) I did an unhappy/unbelievable shriek and yelled WHAT?? I THOUGHT I HAD REACHED MY GOAL WEIGHT! (Dude, I swear. My pants feel all tight and foreign and uncomfy.)

She tried really hard not to laugh and told me that she thought that at the rate I was going I wouldn’t reach my goal weight for three or four months. As in, ridiculously long. Butubutbutbut I did gain on my own. First time ever, since, like, I was in puberty and gained 35 pounds the summer before my freshman year. (But I don’t want to talk about it. It still stings.)

She was reaaaaaaal proud of me though, and said that she and my T were okay with me staying un-nose raped as long as I started drinking 3 cans of Boost (as in, 750 cals extra) a day along with my giant meal plan. But I’m so all over trying it guys. My poor little sinuses cannot take anymore hostile, foreign objects invading their already swollen space.

I also asked her why I had to have a feeding tube. I know I’ve briefly talked about this before in a recent post; but I told her that I was sure she saw tons of other patients with eating disorders who needed to gain weight, and I told her that I’m sure none of them had a feeding tube, so why me? She then replied and said, “Because most patients who weigh as little as you have to go to inpatient treatment. I know you want to do this on your own, which is why you need the tube.” And then I said something really deep and profound like “But I’ve already gained a gazillion pounds and I know I need to gain weight but I.DON’T.NEED.THE.TUBE.ANYMORE. my weight is stable enough that it shouldn't even need to be an option anymore. Plus it’s just really lame and makes me ugly, okay?” And she said (and I swear on my life and expensive boobies that this is a direct quote: ) “Brie, your BMI is really low. I see cancer patients who are DYING that have your BMI. That’s why you need a tube.”

So I shut up real quick and said a ‘lil prayer of thanks that at least I wasn’t dying of cancer. That’s super sad.

Also, if it took me 2 weeks to gain a pound, and I was eating maple bars and oreos like a million times a billion times a day, raise your hand if you think this weight gain thing is going to be hard for me. My body no likey.

So anyway, moral of the happy story is that weight gain is cool and so am I and you guys can all dry your tears of happiness for me. I’m sure you’re all puffed up with pride about it too, and that’s cool cuz even though pride is like a sin or something (Wasn’t that one of the seven deadly sins? Who saw the movie S7VEN?) But I think it’s all right since this is a noble pride to have. Because I’m pretty much amazing. And awesome. And, well, A POUND HEAVIER.

(OMG am I fat? ;)

17 comments:

jana bananas said...

So I wonder -- if you were inpatient if you'd have a tube. Do they even do that at CFC? I know they do it at Remuda.

So I think you know what you need to do. PLEASE follow this crazy meal plan and drink the extra Boosts because a tube would totally blow, as you've learned. You do not ever want to go back to that.

Lastly, about BMI... eh, I'm iffy on BMIs. I think they are good guidelines but I think your nutritionist depends on them too heavily, maybe?

Oh, I forgot to mention: CONGRATU-FREAKING-LATIONS!!!!!

Now go drink a Boost!

Krista said...

Cheers to a pound! Give me a call if you go out with Jackie tonight. I would love to join you guys.

Gaining Back My Life said...

I normally don't comment here, but I feel your glory (and pain) of a pound.

It is truly a celebration.

Keep it. As a memoir.

Kara said...

CONGRATULATIONS, Brie! Yay for one pound! I'm glad that your D is letting you do this outpatient and not manhandling you into IP (although she does manhandle the tube... icky). May you continue to be tube-free!

And I do feel that pride... noble, noble, pride. :)

Kara said...

JB- Oh yes, they DO do the tube at CFC. Very much so. :)

brie said...

Hey GBML - thanks for taking the time to comment. Your support and empathy means a lot. ;)

ania said...

Dear Brie,

I'm celebrating with you!

Keep doing what you need to get your body healthy. Can you imagine what amazingness you'll have to share that we can approve of when your mind is fully nourished? I don't know if we'll be able to stand it.

With encouragement....

zubeldia said...

yay, honey, I'm so proud of you. I imagine that this elicits some really paradoxical and ambivalent feelings as well as the really proud and great feelings.. You're not fat, sweety. You have the BMI of a dying person. It makes me so sad to think that, but so happy to know that things are changing. Your body will get used to it. I imagine your body is doing so much healing that there are limited calories for actual gain. So, remember that you're in a process of healing... all those poor internal organs which have been starved for many, many years.

Whilst I am not a big fan of BMI, I AM a fan of it when someone is underweight.... It's true that being over the BMI scale is a bad indicator of health (for it doesnt take into account muscle mass), but being under the BMI scale is such a bad indicator of health, my friend, so be reassured that this isn't excess weight, or weight you don't need.. it's weight necessary for health. And look at you gaining on your own!!! Well done, poppet, well done.

love you,Z

Heth said...

I think your nose is grateful and proud as well!! He needs a party.

Well,I already told you this today, but I'm so proud of you for taking control and doing what you have to do for not only your family, but YOU. Keep it up. And CELEBRATE!!

And I'm so gonna hunt down those Jo Jo candy cane cookies!!

- Heth

kristin said...

Congratulations Brie! That's AWESOME! You're AWESOME! Keep up your hard work and I know it will all pay off!

Yeah! I am so so happy for you!

Take care!

love, kristin

Jackie said...

I am SO freaking proud of you. I know how hard it has been to maintain your weight let alone GAIN weight. One pound, one ounce, whatever. It is great and you should be so proud of what you have done. Please keep up on the Boost - it will help SO much and will give you the nutrients that those oh so yummy maples bars can't :) I love you so much - you are the best. xoxo

takeupyourbedandwalk said...

I usually lurk over here, but I had to de-lurk to say . . .

HOORAY!!! That's fantastic! Congratulations!

And I like the suggestion to "keep it. As a memoir." Lovely. :)

*virtual hugs* (which I hope is not TOO weird, since I've never met you - ha!)

Marste

tawny said...

Yay girl, that is one step towards your goal(s)! Keep it up even though sometimes the road is tough..I am behind you all of the way! Loves! (oh and thanks for being so dang cute to Ashes, she adores you! )

Paige said...

Congratulations on your pound, Brie! You are doing GREAT!

Sarah said...

Brie=bomb diggity...

WAY TO GO!!! I hope everyone's yahoos convince you to keep going even if ED says otherwise! We are all so proud of you and what you have accomplished!

Brooke said...

Go Breez! I'm actually really proud of you. That is a big accomplishment for you. Seriously.

NoSurfGirl said...

Maple bars are one of my favorites, too :)