Thursday, June 18, 2009

Sometimes my Blog Weirds me Out

I remember back in October of 2007 when I started this blog, I only did it because Alana and Whit told me it was “da cool thing to do.” I’ve of course always had a totally pash for writing, but was going through an emotional fight with myself over writing…blah blah boring blah not going into that right now.

So I began hesitantly.

And then Blogxygen blossomed…and…snowballed. And I find myself writing almost daily, things that in a normal setting, if I were in front of you talking, would never ever say.

With strangers, it’s easy peasy. You don’t know me, you can read how much I suck or struggle or whatever and it doesn’t really faze me. I’ve found amazing strength and courage and insight from so many amazing blogger turned real friends. There is an amazingly strong support group of truly fabulous men and women who love me and care about me in this internet world, even though they don’t even know me.

And then there’s so many of you who know me (at least, sorta). Who see me daily or weekly or every once in awhile. You who maybe know me through a friend, or a friend of a friend’s aunt’s dog or whatever, or maybe through a sister, (Hi Kim! Haha) or because you are in my ward, or whatever. And you see how much I struggle, you witness my small victories…you know (of) me.

But I don’t know many of you.

And then there are many who know me, and I you, but I don't know you read my blog. I find out from one way or another almost daily of people who read it, who I know, but don't tell me, and I'm like eeeek that information might have been useful YESTERDAY before I wrote that incredibly personal/embarrassing/revealing post, you know? I mean, I don't even want to imagine what many think of me. [cringe]

And while I am so grateful for Blogxygen, for how it’s helped me in my recovery, and helped me find my own quirky immature writing style, and I hope hope hope helped many of you in some small way, it’s like having a one-sided relationship. So many of you are all there…but you’re not.

And please don’t get me wrong. Don’t stop reading; don’t stop laughing at my ridiculous posts or small victories.

I guess I feel nakey. Vulnerable. Like a reject. Possibly judged?

So today, it’s just really really weird. My blog, I mean.
But tomorrow? I’m sure I’ll be back to regaling you with tales of my unadulterated love for my kitties, or my squeaky farts or whatever.

So stay tuned. If you dare.

15 comments:

Kimberly W said...

Hi Brie!! I loved the shout out it made me happy. I love reading your blog and I think it's great you are willing to share so much of yourself with everyone. One of the reasons I don't blog is I'm not brave enough to put myself out there. I hope you never stop!!

Dena said...

About half way through reading this I starting thinking, Oh no, this sounds like a break-up post. Please don't break up with us Brie! You don't know me and I don't know you personally, but I love your blog. I check it daily and feel so inspired by your insights. I am sorry you are feeling nakey, but please know that you help so many of us out here! We love you!!

brie said...

hi kim, thanks for the comment. :) give gabriella a kiss for me!

dena, thanks for the comment too. i can assure you this is not a break-up post....just a "i'm feeling weird" post. :)

lisalisa said...

I for one am very greatful for your blog! i knew nothing about the blog world until I happened upon yours through your FB page and was hooked instantly. I have found blogging to be quite theraputic and have met new friends and none of this would have happened if it were not for you and your awesomeness! So, thanks!

Pattie Cordova said...

LOL... I totally thought it was a break-up post too! so glad it's not.

HAFC said...

Thanks for sharing so much of yourself.....even with people you don't know so well. It's so much easier to write it sometimes than actually say it to their face. That can be just sooooo embarassing (I've done that recently!!). What I like the most about your blog right now, is that I'm getting to know a new aspect of the girl I used to call my "best friend" years and years ago. I left knowing you one way, and through the years and your recovery process, I have really enjoyed getting to know an entirely new and grown up Brie. You're awesome, amazing, insightful, and so much more. You encourage others and even myself simply by sharing your life story as it is now. I also love your writing style, by the way.....it cracks me up. I'm so thankful that I knew you so long ago, on a much deeper level, b/c some of that is still in you (the many, many, good parts of you), and it enhances my learning of who you've struggled to become.

I'm sorry you feel weird today. I do a lot also.

Anyway, although we live way far away from each other and we're not "besties" anymore, that's okay.....I will always consider you an inspiring and compassionate friend, someone I'm so grateful to know, and who knows me (well, the old me, I guess). I hope you can someday also get to know the "new me" too. : )

Take care Brie....H

tawny said...

Breezy-

Okay I know we were just at Wet Seal buying trashy earrings BUT I love you! and I love your BLOG! YOur blog makes me laugh out loud and then cry tears every day! Sooo so glad you have no intentions of stopping.

AND I try to tell people who don't blog how much a blog means to me NOW and how amazing it is to make blogosphere friends..

Great post and great words....You have a talent for sure! (besides being beautiful, sweet and lovely of course....)

xo

p.s now me no likey my silver hooplas! cheapy. oh well

Keely said...

I love your blog. I too thought this was a break-up post! I stopped reading and scanned to the end and was relieved that the last sentence wasen't "farewell to all, thanks for reading" or something like that. :) I read your blog everyday (and am sad when you have a busy weekend and don't write until the following monday!) I have blog readers that never comment so I assume they never read my blog until I see them and feel weird when they know all about me and I didn't know they knew so much. You can write as much or as little as you want and I won't mind a bit. The somewhat anonymous and detached nature of blogging can be so freeing. Sometimes it's just weird for me to remember that people read it. But at the same time I LOVE comments. It's like a little journal that gives you feedback. I am so excited when I get a comment! Almost too excited. :)

Anyway, I love your blog.

Gena said...

Brie,

I found you through my daughter, who is currently recovering from anorexia. I'm so glad you write. I'm so glad that you have been there for her, when maybe I haven't been simply because it is so hard for me to understand and deal with.

Don't get me wrong... we talk, we communicate... but you UNDERSTAND. Big, huge difference. You are a sister in recovery. I am her mom.

Thanks to you, she informed me that she wanted to see an ED specialist. Thanks to you, she knew there was hope. Thanks to you, she is on the road to recovery. Thanks to you, my daughter is no longer starving herself to death.

So, from the very bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. I will no longer just lurk, but comment every time that I can.

P.S. She is 15 and luckily, her disease was caught pretty early. It is still so, so hard for her. I admire you for bearing your soul like you do. Please keep it up - there are those who need it desperately.

kristin said...

Brie, you are so amazing and strong. I have learned so much from you from both your blog and your comments on my blog. You are a part of my life and my support system even though our relationship is only through our blogs. I sincerely and seriously hope that I can take a road trip down to SLC one day to meet you. I will one day.

Thanks so much for all you are and all that you do.

Take care.

much love, kristin

Penny said...

I read the book that you lent to me and one of the facets of the book is that people in it name themselves to commemorate an aspect of their personality. Then they have a party to celebrate when they want to move on or work on another talent and take a name from that endeavor. So they don't have regular birthday parties but a party when they feel they have learned a major life lesson.
Perhaps that is what you are feeling today.
Loved all the responses from the dear readers that you have influenced and your love for all of us shines through as I hope that our love comes and warms your heart.

Brooke said...

I'm glad you post everyday because I love your "quirky immature writing style." Seriously. Truly unique.

Love ya sis. I am glad and lucky that we get to be more than just blogosphere friends.

now.is.now said...

I've recently entered the blogging world, and I love your blog. Even when you write about hard issues, you have such a spirit that comes through - such an upbeat writing style. You inspire me to add some fun back into my own life - to remember who I was before I was someone who thought day in and day out about ED stuff. So Thank you! Please keep blogging!

hutchbec said...

Totally makes sense. I feel the same on facebook sometimes. All those old elementary school friends... like when I realize how many people see my posts, it is anxiety provoking.

I have an idea - like you asked us for questions that you could answer, maybe you could ask us 5 questions or something - what key things you want to know about those of us reading your blog but who may ore may not pop out of lurking at times. Then we can respond in the comments so you'd have a sense of who is out there reading this, and in a way, get to know one another in the process as well... create a little Brie inspired community. At least by username... :)

sona said...

Hello!

Im wrting to you in response to your last blog!Firstly I wud like to say I luv luv luv it! and it has helped me SO much in Recovery - being a fellow recoverer from ED - not quite there yet tho on my way I hope!

I read your blog - all the time!I'd lv to start my own blog some day but haven't really gotten round to that yet!( and cant for the life of me think of what to call it!)

I luv reading all your stories, let me tell you I think you are very brave!very, very brave!

So I guess to help you feel not so "nakey" I'll share a bit about me, my stories I dont think are quite so exciting, as I'm not quite as brave as you ... but hey here goes!

Ive been in Recovery for just over a year now...and according to the fam ive improved quite a bit so - yay! - lets hope things keep heading that way!

So anyway Brie, just to let you know your blog is FANTASTIC I really do love it!And I wish you all the best in your Recovery! and CONGRATULATIONS on getting your tube out!thats really great!

lots of love

Take care

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