Life’s about the journey, not the destination.

The trouble with clichés is that they’re usually annoyingly true.
(Ahhh HATE that.)
I’ve been thinking very much about what many consider “destinations.” Graduating from high school, college, getting married, having babies, losing 10 lbs, gaining 10 lbs, getting rich, getting that svelt car…so often I have thought, if I can just get married, or do this or get that, then I’ll be happy, I’ll be cured, I’ll be there, and everything will be perfect. But marriage, socially acceptable and expected accolades, and all of the above things I mentioned…these are not destinations, but rather, in my opinion, landmarks. A place where you can stop and rest, and be proud of what you’ve done to meet your goal. A place where you can put your feet up, and bask in the sun, maybe get a smokin’ tan, but then get up, and keep going, keep forging ahead.

This particular cliché I am currently learning is true in recovery, and also forgiveness, as well. Forgiving myself for past offenses (real or imagined) isn’t a one time happenstance. I’m finding that every once in awhile, I need to sit, and breathe, and remind myself that I am good and have good intentions and that I deserve food and happiness and taking up space in this world. I’ve never been able to say to myself (or even to others who have hurt me in the past) yep you’re forgiven, the end. No. Sometimes that hurt or that anger or that shame or that fill in the blank swells inside me, and before it can overcome me, overwhelm me to go back to my compulsions of not eating, I have to think, and have sympathy, and remember that I am good, that people, in general, are good. If I don’t believe this, if I can’t, then I cannot survive in this world. It would be too cruel.

Similarly, recovery is not a destination, either. I am finding that I am in many ways recovered one week, or one month, but the next, take a few steps back. Recovery is a constant process of changing and learning and growing and moving back and forth on a spectrum. It’s about allowing yourself to be imperfect, make mistakes, learn from them, and move on. Recovery, love, forgiveness…all of these things require constant maintenance and nurturance to thrive. It’s a never-ending journey. But it doesn’t have to be painful.

And because that darn cliché (that is SO sickeningly Chicken Soup for the Soul) is totally true ‘dat, remember that patience and self-love is involved. Your journey is gonna be one hell of a long, desperately unhappy voyage if you don’t allow yourself some lovin’, patience, and like I mentioned above, forgiveness. So give yourself a rest today, will ya? Enjoy yourself.

I’m totally having a kum-ba-ya moment. Love it.