Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I Seem to be Losing Momentum

I was in a really good mood yesterday. I’d had a great weekend swimming and lounging outside in the hot(ter the better) weather, and I’d felt relatively okay, and had some energy, and that carried over to Monday, but my nice evening – and good mood - at my parental unit’s with not only fun BUT ALSO meatloaf bombed spectacularly by 11 pm or so, as I was going to bed, and I began to feel pretty miserable.

I slept fitfully, and my eyes are all poofy and aesthetically depressing, and my neck hurts, and I feel like I have a hangover, no doubt from the painkillers I took late last night to help my hole not hurt so much, but it does, it still does, my PEG hurts and I’m so frustrated I want to pull it out, and Big B got a traffic ticket today, and did I mention my eyes are aesthetically depressing?

I seem to be losing momentum.

However, I do have a couple things to look forward to this week:

1. So You Think You Can Dance. I’m not ashamed to admit I love this reality show. There are a few things I can do.
However, there are many more things that I only TRY desperately to do, without much success. Dancing is one of them. I live vicariously through all these short, limber people who don’t have limbs as long as hockey sticks.
2. Lagoon on Saturday. Yeah baby! I haven’t been to Utah’s Very Own Amusement Park for six years. Last time I went, Twin B and I went on our 19th birthday, before he went to Brazil for a couple o’ years. I don’t remember much of the day, but I do remember thinking I was going to die on The Rocket and squeezing his hand tight and saying “IloveyouIloveyouBrettyIjust – deep, sobbing breath – wantyoutoknowthatbefore – breath, gulp – we,we—DIE!” To which he would reply, “Shutup! You’re not going to die! You didn’t die on the last ride, you’re not going to die on this one, let go – you’re clawing my arm” – and all the while I’m blubbering, “Ihopeyoutakemetoheavenwithyooooooouu!! ILOVEYOU!!”
Anyway it was kind of an emotional time for me.
But yeah, it’s my work’s Lagoon day, so Big B and I are going with Brett and Ang, and I swear Brett, I won’t sit next to you and claw your arms and proclaim my last moment’s love for you, I will entirely reserve that all for my own husband and his patience.

Okay, time to go back to being grumpy.

Too bad I don’t have any meatloaf.


lisalisa said...

I miss work parties at Lagoon! When my hubbie worked at Modern Display they always had a good one. I miss Utah! I hope things start looking up for you Brie! You deserve it!

zubeldia said...

hey baby, I'm reading.. and then I intend to come back and comment, and, alas, I am a terrible blogger.

It's amazing to me that you're enduring so much and yet still you find some opening to feel okay, happy even. The physical stuff alone is enough to make anyone stir crazy. Keep trucking, my friend. You have so much strength.


Kara said...

I'm sorry you feel like you are losing momentum. I know you already know this, but recovery has ups and downs and even if you are "down" it doesn't mean you aren't on the right track. Everyone tells me all the time that recovery isn't one straight line going up, but for me it's hard to internalize that when I have downs that they are actually normal. I always freak out. I don't know if this made sense at all... oh well.

Kara said...

PS - I lived in Utah for six years and I still have NEVER been to Lagoon!

Penny said...

I always wonder where you are going with your blogs and then all of a sudden, its over and i smile. And i feel better. I hope that you do too! You may not be a super great dancer but you sure can WRITE!

kristin said...


Keep thinking about this weekend! You're going to have so much fun! Don't forget to take pictures and post all about it! :)

Hang in there, Brie!

love you lots always, kristin

Devon said...

So You Think You Can Dance makes the world a much better place - especially since we're on to Vegas now. I went to the show at the E-Center last year - wanna come with me this year?

It would be glorious...plus I haven't seen you in eons and all that jazz.

Telstaar said...


Go lagoon and dancing! I will do both with you any day!!! I cannot scream! It sucks because everyone else is sitting there on cool rides and rollercoasters screaming their lungs out (I do not recommend this for you given current lack of oxygen to yr lungs) and getting int he mood and I'm sitting there like a crazy loon laughing my head off! I still have a ball but its just so... weird!

I love dancing. I suck at it, but I love it! It's so nice to KNOW that I suck at it so that I don't get disappointed but be able to laugh at myself and just have fun!!! Do start one day :).


I'm sorry you're having a glum day/time, you have enough reason to, but... well I love you anyway. Did that make it better? No? Oh okay, still loving you though!!!

Thanks for being you, glumness and all, seriously, I'd much prefer you in honesty then you being someone that you're not :)

Love Telly xo

Brett said...

I think i still have the scars on my arm from that Rocket ride six years ago!

Brooke said...

Wow, you got Betty to post! How fun for you...I haven't been for like 4 years when we went for John's work party (when they actualy had money)blah blah...sad..

I also love "So you think you can dance dance dance dance"....we should go on as same sex ballroom dancers. I bet people would get a kick out of that!!

I bet "sex" would drool, ahhhh....