Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Little Debbie Gives me a Little Anxiety

Little Debbie is a little fiend. Little Debbie and her snack products can suck it.

Why all this anger Brie, why?
I’ll tell you why!

On Friday night, Big B and I went to Redbox and then the grocery store afterward for a movie and some treats. I was happily humming while I plucked my chocolate licorice and saltines from the shelves, but Big B was much slower in his decision. Wheat Thins or Ritz? Or Vegetable Thins? The poor man just didn’t know.

And then he saw the Little Debbie display. He impulsively reached for some cake-like object that rather disturbingly looked like a Twinkie, until I firmly took it from him and put it back on the shelf.

“You are NOT getting fake twinkies,” I declared.

“Well then what do you want,” he asks me? “You can pick.”

I scanned the items dubiously. Finally, I sighed. “I don’t care. Get whatever you want, I pry won’t eat them anyway.”

So he reaches down on the bottom shelf where I swear the products were all like gross and dusty, and grabbed these:

STAR CRUNCHES.

“NOOOOOoooooo!” I honestly screeched this throughout the whole store. “You can’t buy Star Crunches,” I said fiercely. “Anything but Star Crunches.”

Big B’s annoyed by now, but also kind of amused; I can tell he isn’t really angry, but tolerating me as he would a yipping teacup dog.

“And what’s wrong with Star Crunches?”

“THEY TASTE LIKE CHILDHOOD ANXIETY,” I wailed.

FLASHBACK TO 2ND GRADE:

Me, a sack lunch, and a Star Crunch. I farted at the lunch table.
People laughed.
I took a bite into that Star Crunch and tried to laugh wile I desperately wanted to cry.
Star Crunches, to me, taste like farts and sadness.
And I was never the same.

What tastes, smells, or looks like CHILDHOOD ANXIETY to you?

Also, I really loathe this smell. Adolescent anxiety much?

16 comments:

brie said...

Ooh and also bubblegum ice cream. that one actually involved sharting at a grocery store...

inthemainstream said...

Saltines. I was eating them in early puberty when my sisters decided to make fun of my erupting skin, and I ran dry-mouthed and crying out of the kitchen (because it's just that easy to cry at that point in your life). I'm sure there are others, but that comes to mind first.

Also, I tried to follow you on Twitter and Twitter keeps calling me a liar, so if you get eighteen hundred requests from me in a row, that's what's up.

Angeline said...

Marshmallow Cream and pixie stix...8 years old, two other friends, we thought it was cool to mix the two to make colored marshmallow cream....were all sick as dogs for two days. To this day I can't eat those and even the smell of smarties makes me think of that day and now I can't eat those either.

brie said...

twitter hates me today too. pfff. it's their problem, not ours.

love your stories, ladies. keep 'em up!

Cara said...

OMG, that just mad me snot out sushi through my nose. Too funny, I hate star crunch too.

lisalisa said...

my mom always bought these nasty Little Debbie things called "bannana twins", I think because they had the word "bannana" in them she thought they were more healthy options than twinkies. Sooo gross!

Keely said...

I know I'm the odd one out, but star crunch are my FAV! I had to sit in church as a bored, sad little kid in an itchy dress and tights and my reward was a treat at coffee hour afterwards and I always chose them. To me they mean "Phew, church is finally over." I know that sounds bad, but I REALLY wasn't a fan of church.

My mom always made WEIRD sandwiches. Aka ham and strawberry jelly. Or ham and cream cheese. It was disgusting. I always threw it away. I HATE ham. Ham is associated with a hungry tummy when all your mom packed for you was a sandwich and 6 mini carrot sticks...

Keely said...

P.S- I was soooo jealous of the kids that got "fun" stuff like fruit roll up or lunchables or heaven forbid a cookie! Curse those sandwiches!

licketysplit said...

Oh my gosh... I read this post this morning and couldn't help but crack up... despite the utter humiliation I know you must have felt, the way you wrote about it was HILarious... So since I read it, the little wheels have been turning in my brain (I even dreamed (dreamt?) about a particularly unpleasant situation in my past while napping). I have had numerous embarrassing experiences throughout my life and have quite skillfully managed to 'forget' most of them. I will share one, thought it doesn't have to do with food or anything, I just think it's funny.
2nd grade, we were rearranging our desks. I was wearing a skirt. I thought I would be cool and push my desk really fast to where it was supposed to go. It got caught on something on the floor and I flipped over it successfully showing everyone in the room my unders. Everyone was laughing uproariously. My teacher couldn't even help himself, amidst asking if I was okay. It was sososososo hard not to cry, due to both pain and humiliation, but I didn't and even managed a half-hearted chuckle. Ever since I have been scared to wear a skirt and only do it when I have to.

ghost girl (saa) said...

I totes freak when I smell 'beautiful' - that perfume. My mom wore it when I was in Jr High and it reminds me of those long drives to school. Naturally, the scent was strongest in the morning and mixed with my growing anxiety (The Jr High Dread) which increased with every mile.By the time I got to school I was just nauseous with nervous anxiety.
Aaaand so that smell just opens the flood gate for a bunch of bad memories. Like being called thunder thighs! Yikes! if i smell that perfume i pretty much wail!
Love this post! :)

Krista said...

I H-A-T-E the smell of plumeria scented lotion from bath and body works. Someone gave it to my mom while she was in the hospital and I in the trenches of ED.

Also I will not drink milk from a small carton like you get a school. When I was in the second grade I somehow got an expired milk that had dropped down below the fresh milks and without looking in it I opened it up and started gulping. I can still taste the rotteness now.

Standing in the Rain said...

oh my god krista! same milk experience. only i had the always attentive oldest child thing going on and actually asked the "lunch lady" if i should drink it. she said not to worry about it, it would be fine. alas, two hours later i was in the nurses station puking my balls out. so. not. fun.

and brie. you and big B crack me the hell up. seriously. you guys seem like you still have so much FUN together. which is rare these days. sadly. anywho, thanks for the reminder that lovely (ha, i just wrote loverly) relationships do exist!

Brooke said...

Bubblegum ice cream, Superman ice cream, and Mrs. Brady, and sno shack all remind me of DANS grocery store. Good memories though!

Kara said...

I've never had Star Crunches before... but if I ever do, it is going to remind me of this post. :)

Sarah said...

Oreos. Smartfood chedder popcorn. Chinese food. Milky way. Any food as a kid, I was overweight until adulthood. Food in general gives me anxiety, but less than it used to.

Sheryl said...

Canned spinach!!!!!!!!!! Disgust-O! I hated this stuff when I was little and was FORCED by my dear uncle to eat some. I was about 7 and he made us burritos and spinach for din-din. I sat at the table and was pukin in my mouth a lil and told dear ole unc that I felt sick and couldn't eat it. He said, "you are going to sit here all night until you eat it." I sat for a few minutes without touching anything... for fear that any movement of the food would release more saturated-spinach-smelling-cells and they'd make their way up to my nostrils. Finally, I try to eat some (being the little people pleaser I tried to be) and puked all over the rest of the plate. So, then my unc thinks it's a grand idea to take my plate over the the sink, wash off the barfed on burrito, and handed the remains over to me. Again, I was told to sit there and finish my plate. Yeah, so I sat and sat and sat. Unc said he'd take all of us to 7-11 to get ice-cream for dessert and I sat in the car... not allowed to go in cause I didn't finish dinner. WTF... what is up with that, man??!! Yeah, so canned spinach brings up the awesome memory of the barfed on burrito story. Yeah. Now it's totally funny to tell... but still confusing as hell. Who does that?

I hear ya about some foods just bringing up weird memories and feelings. Interesting stuff!