Monday, February 2, 2009

I’d Like a Timeout, Please

Do you ever just want to take a break? Say, TIMEOUT, PEOPLE, walk to the sidelines, grab some agua, and just chill for a minute?

Life is sofast. At work this contract needs to get created or these people need help and at home C needsneedsNEEDS and recovery is an ongoing, never-ending lifesuck, andandand…

I’d like a timeout, please. From everything. I’d like a day filled with no obligations or pressure. I’d like a day where I don’t worry and wonder if every morsel of food I put in my mouth is going to be enough.

So I kinda called one.
A timeout, I mean.

From recovery. Wait, scratch that. That’s not what I mean. Maybe I mean I took a timeout from all the hard work of it so I can just pause and catch my breath again. I cancelled therapy today, and I cancelled dietary tomorrow and therapy on Thursday, too.

Not because I want to be sneaky and lose weight. Just because I want, for a short period of time, to not think or analyze or freak out. Not to hear I’m in denial ONE MORE TIME, or that it’s not enough, it’s never enough, or if you don’t eat enough you’ll be tubed or we won’t see you anymore because you’re a liability and I know you say you’re working so hard but why aren’t you gaining more faster whywhywhy?

I’m tired. Please, give me some time. Some de-freak time.

And then, I’ll start the game again. It’s just a timeout. I’m not forfeiting, I swearsies. I just need a little break. I'm tired.

So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to grab a comfy chair, and a relaxing book, and not worry, and not think. And I hope that’s okay.

23 comments:

satisfiction said...

Awesome! Good for you, everyone deserves a break. I want a break, but for that to happen, I'd need to get my life started up again, so in a way, I'm jealous of you for needing a break.

-Lindsay

P.S. I live in Toronto (Ontario, Canada), not Madrid, though that would be really cool except for the part that I don't speak Spanish at all.

Heth said...

What books are your reading???? I'm, as you know, home-bound, and am running out of boooks. Any good ones you know of?

And yes, we all need our breaks. Recovery is damn hard, hard as in runnin glike trazillion marathons, and yes, we all need a breather! Take one, or two....but please don't forget to get back up and face the journey. But I do want to emphasize that I think it's okay to take a break every now and then. It's rough out there. Relax and just have a "Brie-day." Pamper yourself.

And lastly, don't feel as if you must ask us permission to take a break.......I think the vast majority of us would agree that everyone needs a break once in a while, just as long as their break isn't, well, like a year long kinda thing! : )

Standing in the Rain said...

enjoy the break! we all deserve one every once in awhile. even ed-recovery needs a break occasionally, i think. though certainly some would disagree, i think the mind needs a break sometimes!

rest up chica bonita!

Penny said...

Love your honesty and I think that I understand. The reason vacations are so popular are that everyone loves to feel that they have no responsibility to anyone or anything so I hope that you can enjoy your break....... I love you

Laura said...

that's fine with me, sister..just don't be sittin' in MY chair!!!

(we must be feeling the same...I did not look at the computer, blog, anything, all day today..shut the freakin thing off...not enough time in my day for everything, and I needed a TIME OUT....)

kristin said...

Sometimes I need a break like that, too. Just make sure you follow through on your end and keep doing what you have been doing.

Take care, Brie. And thanks for listening.

love lots, kristin

alana.rachelle said...

oh honey, lets take a break together sometime! i'll post on my blog soon so check it out. it'll be vague but i'm feeling ya. i'll fill you in later. love you.

Penny said...

Actually time is the enemy. Think of it this way. If time were unlimited, even ED recovery could be "whenever" as long as you worked on it a little because whats an extra 10 years or so? Or, who would care if anything got done at a certain time because there is always more time. Its an intriguing thought. Brandon would not have to finish at the "U" because what is a few more years? Time is what shapes our entire existance I think. So, everyone needs you to do something on their time schedule and it is rough sometimes and calling a break will work for a "time".

tawny said...

Yes a timeout! love it. In life we need those "moments" to take a break and just chill!!! LOVED that post, it's sooo true!

Heth said...

Oh my gosh...I almost forgot to mention this! So, in my classroom, when I kid is acting out or just wandering around and not choosing any work to do, or running or setting fires, ya know, the typcial "nauty" stuff. Well, last year I had finally had it b/c no consequences that I was reinforcing were working, so I went back to the old "Time-out-Chair"......and that is, like, so non-montessori, but my class was on the verge of a sequal to Lord of the Flies and I was desperate. So, when I'd send someone to that chair, I told them that when that had their shit together, they could join us again (obviously, I didn't say shit). Over the course of the year, the kids started calling this "Time-out-Chair" the "Break-Away-Chair". They thought of this all on their own. When I asked how they came up with that idea, they told me that everyone needs a break now and then, and sometimes it helps to sit down and just think. They brought a whole knew meaning to the old-fashioned "Time-out" that I was accustomed to, but I LOVED their insight into it. So, now I send kids to the Break Away Chair instead of Time Out. It totally makes since, to take a "break" ....."away"....from whatever is causing them stress or anxiety. Sometimes, even a child will sit there on his own....to simply "think" or he knows he needs to get his act together by being away from everyone.

Sorry this is so long, but I thought it was kinda relevant. Even kids need that Break away from life for a time. And when they feel ready, they jump back into life with a fresh slate. So, I hope you enjoyed your "Break-Away-Chair" and are ready-ing yourself for the next round of life that must continue onward.

With loads of love,
Heth

Kara said...

I woke up this morning and thought the SAME thing. I felt every defeated and apathetic and I knew that meant I needed a break. I support your break 100%. I can't actually take a break so I'm going to take a metaphorical break - a break from my crazy mind and just BE. You've inspired me, thank you.

By the way, I just bought The Shack because you said that it was a really good book and I'm excited to start reading it.

brie said...

Thanks for your support, you guys.

Mom - the idea of timetables was interesting. You're right - if we didn't have time, we wouldn't have anything.

Heather - thanks for the story. It was pretty cool, and it's amazing how insightful 5 year old little terrors can be. :)

I hope everyone else can take a break if they need to, too. I had a therapist (not my current one) tell me that if you took a conscious break - a short one - with a timetable in mind that you stuck to, it was *absolutely* okay to do so. Everyone needs to breathe and just be for awhile.

And because I'm letting myself have this break, I had the best sleep last night I've had in a long time, and I woke up in a better mood more refreshed than I have in a looooong time.

And that's fabuloso. :)

brie said...

OOh, I forgot:

Kara, I'm glad you're going to take a break from the crazy thoughts to just chill, too. It's good you gave yourself permission.

And Lana - I *need* to be filled in. I'm going to text you today so we can come up with a time to get together.

xoxo

Krista said...

Ditto!

Krystle said...

I actually think that's a wise idea. Keep up the good work. Part of recovery is knowing when to just be. Have fun, and chillax! :)

Kyla said...

I'm glad you're taking a deserved break, but please be careful about canceling the recovery appts. :) EDs stop for no one, so I feel like I'm never allowed to take a break from recovery - so please don't let your AN sneak back in, but do enjoy your break!

Pattie Cordova said...

You deserve it... and I'm glad you called a timeout before life got too crazy and overwhelming. Enjoy your time off!

brie said...

No fear, my good people! I'm just taking a breather, nothing more. Yea verily. :)

Courtney said...

I think it's so smart to take a break, sometimes I feel like the more I focus on ED stuff, the worse I feel. Sure, being introspective and analytical is good at times, but sometimes it keeps you so focused on the inner turmoil that it makes it hard to "live".

I think there's a big difference between taking a break from "recovery" and taking a break from "treatment", and I think you're doing the latter. It's kind of like running a marathon, or even one of those crazy 100 mile ultra-marathons. Those runners stop a LOT, sometimes they even have a tent set up along the course so they can catch a few zzzzz's. But they never turn around and run the other way--that's not taking a break, it's just creating more work for later. Sorry if that makes no sense, I thought it was kind of a cool analogy because my breaks often turn into lapses that end up wasting a lot of precious energy. But you're much smarter than me so I'm sure you'll be fine!

brie said...

Court, thanks for the comment. I loved the analogy, and you're absolutely right between the difference of taking a break from recovery and treatment.

You're the best. Give little John kisses for me...

zubeldia said...

I really understand the need for break. Sometimes holding steady and having a much needed breath is just what you need. I hope that you're feeling a little better for it, honey.
Love Z

Brooke said...

Hey girl. I think your poor brain needs a rest. It has been therapized for so long. Go girl!

Arielle Lee Bair said...

At the end of the day, you only answer to yourself. So do what feels really right for you. You know it's temporary, so as long as you keep that mindset, it's okay to have a timeout.

Enjoy the book. Enjoy the freedom. Enjoy yourself.