Thursday, February 12, 2009

He Was in my Nightmares Last Night


Meet Dr. C, the mascot of M______ Healthcare, Inc. As an employer of this company, that makes him my mascot. By default. I’m sure Dr. C is a nice cat, a cool cat. But he’s also a creepy cat. He’s always either a) freaked me out or b) really, really freaked me out. And…I’ve never seen him here, at the company in Utah, frolicking with us. Yesterday as I turned the corner, innocently walking back to my desk, I saw him. And I turned to run – literally, RUN – because situations like this always make me feel weird and uncomfy inside, and W, who had a camera (HE HAD A CAMERA!) saw me and told me to STOP and come take a picture with Dr. C.

So there I am. As he awkwardly wrapped his arm around my back, groping for a comfortable place to rest his large, overbearing paw, I had to refrain myself from saying, terrified, “Is this a rape, murder, or robbery? Or perhaps a mauling?”

And look at his whiskers! They’re all bent and untidy. And that stethoscope isn’t even real! And S, my coworker, looks legitimately freaked out, too. At least I was good at hiding it, though I couldn’t muster the courage to touch The Thing, but S wrapped her arm around him and squeezed him tight. Gross.

Large stuffed things do not mesh with the Briester. Taking that picture was approximately 0% fun.

14 comments:

Kara said...

Since when do healthcare companies have mascots??? Weird.

Keely said...

weird. Too weird. Why is it a cat?

Pattie Cordova said...

way weird... didn't he know he was getting his picture taken today? the least he could have done is combed/licked his wiskers

rachel ramsay said...

i think you need to do some deep reflection about why giant stuffed/plush animals make you feel so uncomfortable... this may be the bigger issue.... this could be the key to your happiness.

Penny said...

You were very good at hiding it! I love how your arms hang straight down. Way to go and I think that you look very cute. How much an hour does a cat get? It reminds me of those statues of liberty standing around on the streets trying to get you to go in and pay your taxes. I always think that maybe the homeless finally get a job cause they don't need nice clothes or even a car, just a costume so maybe you can look at your big cat through charitable eyes and possibly he is real happy cause this is his best job ever!(and he got to put his arm around you; and where is Big B when you really need him?

brie said...

OMG. I do have issues with plush toys. My poll...this post...wtf? Racher, I do need to look into this!

And Pattie, your comment made me laugh. He indeed should have groomed his whiskers better! haha.

Standing in the Rain said...

seriously. funny.

and creepy.

did anyone see the episode of oh shit, i can't think of the name of the show. it's on with weeds. anyways, i'll come back later after i look up the name. but what i'm getting at is that episode with the bunny fucker?

takeupyourbedandwalk said...

Super-weird. Made all the weirder because the way his eyes are half-closed makes him look stoned.

A stoned health-care mascot. NICE.

Marste

HAFC said...

I've honestly never known a company to have a giant weird dressed up mascot! That's bizarre and truly creepy. I wonder how many unssuspecting people he gets to feel up? ugh. I wouldn't have put my arms around him either. In any case, in my opinion, he doesn't even look like a cat. Maybe a morphed cat, but I'm not sure.

Kyla said...

ewy icky yucky gross!

Standing in the Rain said...

ok it's entourage.

and i really have no idea why this reminds me of that. super strange.

satisfiction said...

It doesn't look like a cat at all. It looks like a dog bred with a ferret.

...at least it's not a clown.

-Lindsay

kathy with a k said...

That's no cat.

Sarah said...

This is SO funny. I wish you would write a blog entry like this every day so I could laugh this hard every day! But I know this kind of @$# doesn't happen every day...man, too funny. Thanks for sharing!