Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I Want to Throw Gummy Bears at Someone’s Face

I got an allergy shot today. And it wasn’t the good-shot lady; it was the I-suck-at-giving-shots lady. I always get her now; it’s totally like a giant B.J. or something. The good-shot lady puts the shot, in, like, the fat(ter) part of my arm so it doesn’t hurt. The I-suck-at-giving-shots lady always puts it like in my bone or something, and it hurts like a bleepin’ mother. Plus, the I-suck-at-giving-shots lady is supposed to screen me and give me a lung functioning test before the shot to make sure my asthma isn’t too bad for a shot, but she never does, and I could go in with horrible asthma, die from her hitting-my-bone-sucktacular shots, and my blood would be all over her hands and bubblegum pink scrubs. So my arm hurts, my asthma’s bad, I’ve got hives, my arm is bruising and itches, and it all really pisses me off.

And you know how yesterday I was saying like “Ooh, I’m sore, and it’s the good kind of sore, and I’m so happy about it, rah rah rah!”

I’m stupid.

I’m now so sore I can hardly move. Brandon won’t rub me, because, in his own words, “You’re too bony and it freaks me out.” So I’m left un-massaged, all tightened up, and very, very unhappy about it all. This morning when I got out of bed to pee, I literally waddled to the bathroom like a retarded penguin. I.HURT.SO.MUCH.

And in general, I think I’m just hormonal and pissy today. I don’t know why. I just want to like throw gummy bears at someone’s face; that always makes me feel happier, no kidding. (Just ask Mr. Big B)

Anyone wanna volunteer for target practice?

12 comments:

Sarah said...

will you promise to aim for my open mouth?

I'm sorry your arm hurts. mine does too, this vampire bitch nurse stole all my blood today.

Standing in the Rain said...

my mouth is open here in WA if you can shoot that far with your gimpy arm!

Penny said...

You reminded me of how I used to feel when we went backpacking for like forever and the next morning to get up and the penguin waddling thing is exactly how it was. Thanks for the happy memories(actually) and in a few you will be happy for these memories too because you are going to be like a jedi master or something. And its not often that any of us get to be good at something at our ripe ole age. Think of yourself as a very cute and funny role model, gummies included.

Pattie Cordova said...

bubblegum pink scrubs - yay!
but that nurse doesn't deserve to wear them.

I'd offer - but gummy bears are not vegan (they have gelatin - as in horse hoof gelatin - yucko!)

anyway... sorry for the craptacular visit.

Stacy said...

hey if you need to throw gummies there is a HUGE bag at Sam's Club. hey you could build up some serious muscles with all that throwing... and maybe mean bad shot nurse will hit your new super bad muscles instead of bone. take a gummie to throw at her too :o)

Lisa said...

It's always the SECOND day after a sporting event/hard workout/intense yardwork experience that you're the sorest. The worst was volleyball camp and moving within the same week - I did NOT want to be lugging boxes up stairs!

Warm baths/showers can work wonders. Or stick a towel in the microwave (not too long) and slap it on a sore spot.

Lisa said...

It's always the SECOND day after a sporting event/hard workout/intense yardwork experience that you're the sorest. The worst was volleyball camp and moving within the same week - I did NOT want to be lugging boxes up stairs!

Warm baths/showers can work wonders. Or stick a towel in the microwave (not too long) and slap it on a sore spot.

tawny said...

I know: throw them at the I-suck-at-giving-shots ladies big booty face! See how it feels...

Honestly this post kind of gave me the creeps...I have chills to my bone cuz I can feel the lady-who-sucks-at-givn-shots putting it in my arm...ooouuuuccch. gross. don't go back to her..ask for the nice-nurse-lady...! ewwww. ouch. done.

Arielle Lee Bair said...

Next time you go to get your shot, bring a bag of gummy bears. At least that way you'll have ammunition. ;)

HAFC said...

You're illustration is so cute. So random. When I was in the hospital after the brain thing, the nurse (man) was trying desperately to find a vein to put meds in me and he couldn't and was poking around. I was so pissed off that I yelled at him and asked if he was a new nurse cuz it certainly showed. He lowers his head and eyes and said "no, sorry." Then I felt like a bad ass complaining. Needles just suck in general. Scared to death of them! Glad I'm not a heroin addict or something, I'd suck at it.

And someone above had a good idea, bring gummy bears next time as ammunition.....I'd love to see her face! : )

Telstaar said...

Oh my! I so understand! For some reason, people seem to keep aiming for my shoulder joint! Flaming heck! It hurts a LOT and I'm very used to needles. I just want to say, "Give it to me, I'll do it myself, I'm good at it!" eek! My sympathy.

Oooh the day after the day after is always the worst. Keep moving...I think its cool you got to do fun non-exercise exercise!!!

Brooke said...

You know girl, more than anyone that I get those moments of wanting to throw things at people. In fact, sometimes I do actually do. An example of something like that was the other night at work, where I could be fired mind you, I felt the urge to kick one of the girls' legs. She was under her bed on her back looking up getting something and I kind of kicked (barely) her leg and it somehow knocked up against the bed frame and she was so shocked I would do that! I don't know what I did it...I had no choice...it just came. She said if she got a bruise she would sue me (laughingly).But I really was worried about it...so I told her I would be super nice to her the rest of the night and give her a positive reward! Whhhewww, covered myself on that impulsive moment.

My point....sometimes it's ok to THROW THE FREAKIN' GUMMY BEAR. It's funny and it makes you laugh! We all need that sometimes :)