Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Eating Like an Insatiable Hellion

OMG I finally have some good news. Well, it’s not entirely great or anything, but at least this post isn’t going to be BORING or about how much I SUCK (or, at least, I’ll try to tone some of that down a bit, haha) so you’re in for some Blogxygen yumminess.

(Oh, but first, a quick aside: I was thinking about the title of my blog, BLOGXYGEN, and it made me laugh, because it’s all about breathing, right? I find it cruelly ironic that I actually CAN’T breathe. Just ask my allergist – you know, the one my son fondled? Yeah, that one.)

So. Back to the Blogxygen yumminess:

I saw M last night, first time in almost two weeks. I was really nervous, (just ask the toilet there that received all my colonic anxiety) because I honestly thought that I might be going in for the last time; that she was going to fire me and say I hate you and you suck and you never gain weight and I’m bored and frustrated with you so peace out you better bounce now you’re soiling my sofa that my “good” patients sit on.

She didn’t say that.

Instead, she said that I was understanding the whole treatment contract wrong. She said that the deal breaker for ending therapy and dietary wasn’t based on if I got a tube or not, it was pending on weight gain. She said that if I could actually, really and truly gain some weight, that’s all that mattered. She said that with how bad my allergies are, she understands (and maybe hopefully kinda sorta agrees) that the tube probably isn’t the best option for my sinus orifices’ right now. She said she just wanted me to commit, NO MATTER WHAT, to eating like a little insatiable hellion and drink Boost like it was Diet Coke (as if THAT amazingness could ever happen!) and that I have a loooong way to go weight gain-wise, but if I could even gain 5 lbs, they’d stop thinking I might die at any time or whatever.

So when I got home from the sesh, high as a kite, happy with our compromise, I emailed H, the D, and said sorry I no called no showed today, but I didn’t want you to fire me and also all the fake rubber food in your office scares me (especially the peas – they look like blended up boogies) but I’m re-committed to doing what you say and I’ll drink as much Boost as you want because I really truly want to gain weight, I really do, I don’t want to be lame and non-compliant and I think you’re rad let’s hug wait I’m just kidding about the hug part but everything else I said was true, especially the pea part. Sincerely, Brie.

So I’m not fired, I’m re-committed to gaining weight. Yay for Breezy!

(Well, that is if I don’t die first from my asthma.) Keep your fingers crossed on that one.


Standing in the Rain said...

Yay! Awesome Brie! I'm really happy they are being more reasonable.

Yay for Boost yumminess!

Standing in the Rain said...

Yay! Awesome Brie! I'm really happy they are being more reasonable.

Yay for Boost yumminess!

Kara said...

I'm glad that your T clarified that they want you to gain weight, not be manhandled by the tube. You can do it! Yay for re-committing!

Kyla said...

Brie, this post made me so happy! I'm SO PROUD of you! You rock! Last night I dreamed Nils gave me a doughnut (that's strange). Maybe he should have given it to you? Anyway, I think all your readers should send you care packages full of chocolate and you should stuff your face like a maniac, except not so much that you get sick because that would, you know, suck. Now I'm getting carried away. What I want to say is I'm SO HAPPY about this compromise. And I totally believe in you!

Telstaar said...

Oooh yay! I'm already very attached to you (even though I don't really know you), so no dying from crazy allergies please!!! :D

Thats soooo cool re the treatment contact, whoo hoo! So glad :)

Keep on keeping on - you're doing a very good job of this I think!

*crazy girl leaving now* *phew says everyone* xo

Shannon said...

Woot woot! Super happy for ya, girlfriend! Honestly, I dont know why we never hang out. If we both have to eat and eat and eat and eat (me because of my hormonalness, you for your skinny bod) might as well have eating buddies, right? Unless youre scared of my 80's hair. Then I will understand :)

Stacy said...

sounds great. It is so good to have you be happy, i mean sans the necessary level of oxygen, but I digress. Yay for food and Brie eating it and NOT having the tube.

kristin said...

Go Brie! :)

love, kristin

licketysplit said...

lol...thanks for giving me a laugh, as always :) I'm glad things got clarified w/ the team. I'm personally dreading an appointment I have on friday because I have yet to meet a commitment I made during my last appointment. Why is it that so often I feel like I'm on the OPPOSING team rather than the same one???

Penny said...

I smiled all the way through. Your post makes me happy for me and especialy for you. Take no prisoners ok (whatever that really means)!

Sarah said...


except for the peas. yikes


Krystle said...

Yay Brie!!!!

Brooke said...

You no die from asthma. You no die from rubber peas. You no die on boosts. You love boosts, you really really love boosts. you love them. they love you. :)

HAFC said...

Fake food? That's the most bizarre thing I can think of that would be in a D's office...aside from my psych man having a wall full of thousands of Pez. Crazy.