Eating Like an Insatiable Hellion

OMG I finally have some good news. Well, it’s not entirely great or anything, but at least this post isn’t going to be BORING or about how much I SUCK (or, at least, I’ll try to tone some of that down a bit, haha) so you’re in for some Blogxygen yumminess.

(Oh, but first, a quick aside: I was thinking about the title of my blog, BLOGXYGEN, and it made me laugh, because it’s all about breathing, right? I find it cruelly ironic that I actually CAN’T breathe. Just ask my allergist – you know, the one my son fondled? Yeah, that one.)

So. Back to the Blogxygen yumminess:

I saw M last night, first time in almost two weeks. I was really nervous, (just ask the toilet there that received all my colonic anxiety) because I honestly thought that I might be going in for the last time; that she was going to fire me and say I hate you and you suck and you never gain weight and I’m bored and frustrated with you so peace out you better bounce now you’re soiling my sofa that my “good” patients sit on.

She didn’t say that.

Instead, she said that I was understanding the whole treatment contract wrong. She said that the deal breaker for ending therapy and dietary wasn’t based on if I got a tube or not, it was pending on weight gain. She said that if I could actually, really and truly gain some weight, that’s all that mattered. She said that with how bad my allergies are, she understands (and maybe hopefully kinda sorta agrees) that the tube probably isn’t the best option for my sinus orifices’ right now. She said she just wanted me to commit, NO MATTER WHAT, to eating like a little insatiable hellion and drink Boost like it was Diet Coke (as if THAT amazingness could ever happen!) and that I have a loooong way to go weight gain-wise, but if I could even gain 5 lbs, they’d stop thinking I might die at any time or whatever.

So when I got home from the sesh, high as a kite, happy with our compromise, I emailed H, the D, and said sorry I no called no showed today, but I didn’t want you to fire me and also all the fake rubber food in your office scares me (especially the peas – they look like blended up boogies) but I’m re-committed to doing what you say and I’ll drink as much Boost as you want because I really truly want to gain weight, I really do, I don’t want to be lame and non-compliant and I think you’re rad let’s hug wait I’m just kidding about the hug part but everything else I said was true, especially the pea part. Sincerely, Brie.

So I’m not fired, I’m re-committed to gaining weight. Yay for Breezy!

(Well, that is if I don’t die first from my asthma.) Keep your fingers crossed on that one.