Monday, January 14, 2008

A Visit From An Old Enemy

Cade is having surgery tomorrow. It’s minor – he’s getting tubes put in his ears that should help decrease the length/severity/amount of ear infections he’s prone to. Really, the procedure is like fifteen, twenty minutes tops. But still.
It’s surgery.
And now I’m freaking myself out.
My old anxiety is rearing its ugly head.
What if he doesn’t wake up from the anesthesia?
What if something else goes wrong – like what if they make everything worse and his ears fall off and he develops an allergy to latex, ketchup, and 100% cotton?
And then my thoughts quickly turn to (as they always do in times like this):
My body.
Yech.
I’m fat, I don’t deserve food, Cade’s surgery will go more smoothly if I lose a few pounds before then.
This is what I do.
Instead of worrying about the real things – the things with substance, the things that matter, I worry about something trivial and of unimportance:
The physical appearance of this ‘ol vessel of mine.
It’s so lame.
It’s getting old.
Body love and self-acceptance is something that is slow in coming, even after my physical eating disorder behaviors begin to diminish. I eat now, which is great.
But what’s not so great? The cameo appearance of my old enemy. My arch-nemesis. The thorn in my side: my anxiety turned let’s-beat-up-on-Brie-session.
But it’ll pass.
It always does.
In the meantime, I think I’ll go get a snack.

6 comments:

Shannon said...

oh widdle baby! I'm sure he will be fine. Kids get those surgeries all the time. Ill say a little prayer for him and you!

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Laurie and Corey Kunz said...

I had that same surgery TWICE on myself as a kid. Im so sorry he has to get it but if it makes you feel any better one of my friends just got it done on her little boy and he is a MUCH MUCH happier boy now. She said he has started jabbering and singing again because his ears dont hurt.

alana said...

good luck with everything today! i hope it goes perfectly! don't worry!!! let me know how he does! love you!

Emily said...

Best of luck, Brie, I'm sure everything will go fine! Give Cade an extra hug for me, okay? :)

Ash said...

Haha!!! Poor Cade! Well don't worry the surgery will go just fine, good job for eating even if you didn't feel like it! How do I link people to my page?? Its easier that way I just don't know how to do it!

Bowles Family said...

Thinking of you! I'm sure the surgery will go well and hopefully he will be much better for it. Baby ears . . .blah.