Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Back to the Funnies

Well Folks, I just got off the phone with Rachel, who is notoriously known (at least to me) for giving spectacular advice. She told me that she had just read my last few blog entries, and that I just needed to “forget about all of it” for a little while and blog about something funny. After all, I’m better at that anyway. So, in a desperate attempt to find any humor at all in my life right now, I’ve compiled a few nominees for something that could be humorous – at least mildly:

One: Cade loves when we sing to him. His particular favorite at the moment is when Mama or Dada hold his hands and walk around in a circle with him singing “Ring Around the Rosies.” The last line, “…ashes, ashes, we all…fall…DOWN!” is his favorite, so now he’s taken to walking around and trying to sing it, but unfortunately the “ashes, ashes” part comes out as “ass, ass.” So great. My child has learned his first curse word, which wouldn’t be so bad, except it also happens to be his favorite word, so he says it everywhere, especially in all the places that would seem the most inappropriate, like in church or in front of my in-laws. He’s also learned to say “poop,” which is actually really funny, because he says it in this really deep man voice, and it comes out like “poooooop!” I blame that one on the fact he has diarrhea more than once a day, so he often hears Mama or Daddy asking, “Do you have a poop?” And also thanks to his highly (im)mature uncle, who is delighted when he says semi-dirty words. (Thank you, Bryson!)

Two: Today, I am making quite the fashion (un)statement. I’m wearing shorts with tights under them.
What?! It’s funny. See picture.

PS - that's not me, just an image I found on Google, but it gives quite the accurate idea of what I look like today:

Three: My cat, Bobbi, is still a 26 pound fatty who is a furry a-hole, and that’s always good for a chuckle. She also snores, which adds to the whole a-hole thing, at least in my husband’s opinion, who hates that she both snores and sleeps on the bed.

Four: I've come up with a new joke, all by my onesies. Okay, so you know how if you decide to style your bangs, like, really high and freakish, the odds of someone coming up to you and saying, "Hey ______! The 80's called, and they want their hairstyle back!" are like, really good? Well, I was with some of my besties the other night, and when Alana lingered a little too long at the candy aisle, debating with her eating disorder over whether or not she should get something sweet and delicious, I suddenly got beautifully inspired to yell, "Hey Alana! Ed called, and he wants his disorder back!" BWAHAHAHA!!! I'm so smart. So original. So amazing.

Five: Paris Hilton has really gross knees. It looks like the skin on her right knee is workin’ real hard to keep that knee-cap in. As my grandma never used to say: cover up any curious body parts if they’ll cause screams of horror or hearty laughs at your expense! And that’s some damn good advice. Anyway, you can read about it here, if you like, and look at some more creepy photos.

Okay, I’m feeling a little better. The migraine’s still lingering, but at least I have the image of Perez Hilton’s knees to keep me happy today. I hope these photos provide you with the same comfort, peace, and joy.


mom said...

So, I busted out laughing. Poor Paris! All of your funnies helped make my day. Nothing here is so funny either so take some real heart in that we need you like a sees chocolate or a cozy fire to help us through our days. Never quit writing!! Your serious stuff is ok with me because you are asking the right questions and they have to be asked before the right answers will be forthcoming! So all is good!! Love you much,

KC Elaine said...

oh Brie, you make me laugh. I love your sense of humor. A cussing baby and a Alana's candy dilemma. I hope writing this made you feel better.

alana said...

i wish we could post video responses because i would film myself laughing so hard that tears are falling after reading your list of funnies. i'm glad i was able to inspire a very creative zinger, although i wish Ed was more klepto than charitable when it comes to the frequency of eds plaguing people's lives! i think i've done my time, if you know of anyone that would like finish my tour of duty, let me know! haha love you briezy!

heather said...

I loved reading this! There are a couple kids in my kindergarten class who do the whole ring-around-the rosie song too, and they both say "asses, asses, we all fall down!" It must be a kid thing. The whole "sh" sound just isn't there yet, but it IS SO FUNNY!

Also, I have a great book for Cade man. I think he, and you, will get a kick out of it. I got it for Asher for Christmas and he thought it was great to. I'll try to get you it and mail it sometime within the next week or so!

T.S.T. said...

That Paris knee frightens me, Brie! I understand how off-kilter camera angles can disort an image, but that just is not right. Not at all.

Nope. Still not right.

brie said...

Tamera, you completely had me on the floor, roaring at work!

And you know what?
It's STILL not right!

katherine said...

sooo, i don't know if those really helped make your day better, but they certainly helped mine! thanks for the laughs! hang in there and know that i'm here for you. you're amazing. love, katherine

Bryson said...

You cut to the core of me :) And I loved it, but in the end I do believe you have me to thank for him saying 'poop' it's hilar. I don't regret the influence I had on him one bit :)