Saturday, January 19, 2008

As Rachel Would Say, “Not much of a confidence booster, eh?"

Last night was weird.

It was Date Night, and Brandon and I went on a double with Little Brother-In-Law and Cute Erin to Magleby’s. So, we get in and submit our name, and they told us it would be a forty minute wait (it ended up being over an hour). And then, as I’m standing there, feeling hungry and happy, I look over my right shoulder, and crap. It unfortunately appeared that a certain Dr Frost, a co-founder but now retired therapist of Center For Change, was there waiting to eat with his wife. Now, I know Doc Frost quite well. We used to go out and speak about the awareness and prevention of eating disorders all the time. We even drove to Idaho together and spoke at some colleges there. It was hardcore. But, well, I’m not physically looking my best, if you all catch my drift. I eat, but it’s been a rough battle trying to gain weight. And I just knew he would look at me and think that after seven years, I still wasn’t recovered, and he’d shake his head and mutter something like, “Poor girl. Will she ever do this?” So I went to find a bench to hide my body on with my purse and coat on top of me, and when the hostess brought around hot rolls to everyone waiting for tables, I scarfed mine down as enthusiastically as possible so he could feel my EATING ROCKS vibes I was obsessively sending his way. I tried not to make eye contact with him, but he did catch Brandon’s eye and nod hello. I felt bad for being such an avoidant, but really. I wanted to have fun that night. And then I got a little angry at myself for being self-conscious about what others thought of me, even when I know how well I'm doing, and I was even more angry that I let that insecurity get in the way of me saying hi to a really decent guy who has helped me a lot. Incidentally, this is not a picture of Doc Frost, it’s of Einstein. But seriously, they look the exact same. Bed head gray hair, freaky looking mustache…Bryson thought he looked like a captain of some sort, so he is officially dubbed Captain Frost. Doesn’t he sound like he should be a character in Clue or something?

Well, the night got a wee bit worse when I broke my chair.
Yeah, sitting on it.
Happily eating my roll.
Chair breaks.
Sadness takes over.
Then humiliation.
For a former anorexic, breaking the chair you are sitting in is not the best confidence booster, you know? But I ate my roast beef anyway. And my mashed potatoes. And my chocolate cake. And my vanilla ice cream and raspberry sauce. But really? Did I have to break my chair? I think last night my eating disorder was just out to get me, or at the very least, have a good laugh at my expense. But I wasn't laughing. I was too busy being traumatized from my chair-breakage.

I thought I'd just post this random pic of Brandon and I. We were waiting for our seat last night and got bored. I'm bugged he made an ugly face in this pic, cuz I actually look cute. So we took another one, but it was worse, because he looked like he had Down Syndrome, so I'm stuck with this one to remember my weird night by:

9 comments:

Tanya said...

Hugs. I have some idea of what it feel like to run into someone you haven't seen and be worried about what they think of your recovery....be it a hard one or one that is going well, either way really its hard to see someone. Though I think it is worse when you don't look your best but you have really been working hard to stay in recovery mode. And chair breakage is such a tragedy in our eyes...but lets just say someone really large sat on it and made it really really weak...kinda like when a rope frays and it only takes a feather to complete the job. Hugs...all in all I hope you have a better day tomorrow...

Abby said...

Brie, you're a genius writer... something about how you say things just makes me laugh and laugh. As for the chair issue... well, I broke a chair a few days ago... I was just sitting down in what I thought was a perfectly good chair at the table in the spare room to paint... and the chair... broke. I was not impressed. What is it with chairs these days?

alana said...

i am STILL laughing about the chair! for real, i probably laughed out loud for a solid 10 minutes after receiving your text about the incident. my family was sincerely asking me "what is wrong with you???" although in retrospect its a fair question thats asked quite often so i can't be sure it was entirely due to my uncontrollable bout of laughter... but THANK YOU for making my night and i'm sorry i bailed tonight. i sure love you though! i'll call you tomorrow.

KC Elaine said...

oh, hard night! both funny and sad, but I'm glad you ate anyway. because, really, we both know it couldn't have been your fault that the chair broke. And Dr. Frost...so very Albert Einstein! I never knew you went around speaking. how cool to do ED outreach!

KC Elaine said...

ps love the nose ring!

Kate said...

Oh gosh brie what an odd/humorous/traumatizing night. Way awkward with the whole dr. frost thing....but then the chair breakage just put the icing on the cake! Man alive!
PS
What the hell was the chair made out of cuz there is no way in hell you could break a normal one!

Laurie and Corey Kunz said...

You will laugh about this later I promise.

Mom said...

I was at a wedding once and I noticed people bringing other people to stare at me around the corner. I was sitting in a chair that luckily did not break, 9 months prego with 1st twins. I was mortified that people would come and point and stare at my hugeness. Sorry it happened to you but in reverse. Be careful with next pregnancy, with our family history maybe you'll get to experience both extremes!

heather said...

Oh my gosh....that picutre looks exactly like Dr. Frost! The first time I was at the center, even before the time when we were there together, I was actually assigned to have Dr. Frost be my T, but I took one look at him (my first day), and raised hell about it. Thus, they gave me Lori (an intern) and Dr. Julie to supervise us. Ha, ha. He's gentle as a lamb, but freaked me out considerably at the time! Sorry about the chair thing. Sucks. But I'm sure you know that wasn't YOU that broke it. I most likely already had a wobbly leg or something and even the slightest touch or move would have jolted it out of place!