Thursday, January 17, 2008

Now THIS Fast Food I Hate

“Hi, welcome to Mc-I’m-a-bitch. What can I get for you?”

“Yes, I’d like a ruin-my-day-burger. Oh, with cheese and no mayo on it, please.”

“Right away! Would you like any sides? Maybe some crispy I’m-ignorant-and-just-want-to yell-at-you-fries?”

“Yes, that’d be great! I’d really like to wash it down with some ice cold whore, too.”

“Great! I’ll have your total at the window, where I’ll promptly rip off your head, as well!”


Yeah, nice.
I’m so done. I hate bending over backward to help some morally bankrupt moron who is interested only in making sure everyone knows what a completely spoiled rotten little fugly she really is. Okay, sorry. It's just that I'm a nice person. I'm a non-confrontational person. Predators can smell that weakness out.
Then they attack.
They go for the kill, and just like that: the jugular, and BAM. I'm on the ground, struggling for life with terror in my eyes.
So while I took the verbal assault over the phone, I gleefully imagined her coming down with some horrifyingly humiliating disease –something like butt cancer - that nearly kills her. She survives of course, but not without much pain and suffering that ultimately guides her to an AHA! moment where she realizes the error of her bitchy ways and transforms into the well-mannered and respectful human being she unfortunately is not. Yeah, I’m pretty sure something like butt cancer would do that to a person. In the meantime, stay away from me!

5 comments:

alana said...

oh brie, i just adore you! this totally made my day! haha let's play this weekend, please? call me.
ciao!

Laurie and Corey Kunz said...

I'm confused...I don't get it...

Anyway we should hang out because its just been way tooo long.
What would we do? Like you said we could go to breakfast. That might be fun, I think Conner would LOVE to meet Cade. He adores little kids. email me lauriekunz@gmail.com

Kate said...

I agree with alana. I should just come to your blog for some therapy. It's so great! Butt cancer? I've honestly never heard that term....lol.
I love you!
kate

sav said...

butt cancer huh? mmm...ok.

you pretty much just made my day also. love ya.

Shannon said...

Mmmm...I had a burger today...it was delicious...pretty sure that isnt the point of your post...but...mmm...