Friday, March 19, 2010

The Unasked Question

Today in therapy, I was talking about the grief I feel surrounding Kendall’s death, as this is a terribly difficult time for me, with her due date fast  approaching. I didn’t know the pain would be so intense and so real and so deep.

The T said to me, “Brie, I know you are in so much pain in grieving for your daughter. You talk about that a lot – and that’s good! – but I want you to talk about Kendall's life  – tell me about Kendall as your daughter, and not just about losing her. Tell me anything about her. Tell me why you love her. Tell me what you miss about her. Tell me a story you remember about her.”

I looked at her, surprised. So I took a deep breath. I opened my mouth. And I talked and talked and talked for the entire session.

No one’s ever asked me that before.

20 comments:

Tanya said...

Oh B...I am so glad you got the chance to actually talk about her life. That had to feel so good.

eden said...

that's wonderful.

i'm so glad she could do that for you.

Maeve said...

I am so glad that your therapist asked you that question.

I think one of the mistakes people often make (especially those who have been fortunate enough to avoid this suffering) is to talk about miscarriages and stillbirths as the loss of potential life. People forget that life begins before birth.

I do not mean this comment as any form of anti-abortion comment (a distinction I make since I do not want to offend anyone), but to highlight the fact that your loss is so real because her life was so real.

I really hope that today's session helped with the process of getting to a point where you can cherish the good parts in her life without being overshadowed by grief.

*HUGE HUGS*

Penny said...

Oh, I so wish that I had thought to ask you those questions. I am so sorry that i haven't. I am sorry that I have not been able to help you very much with your grieving. Please do not give up on me. I try to be a good learner and I am so sorry for the large hole that she has left in your life and I am going to miss her too so much. Really. I will never forget her.

Stacy said...

I though about you... On my sister's 29th birthday, March 13th. she only lived a month and I try so hard to remember everything she told me about her because I want to remember her for my mom. They are together now.
Like you she always felt/worried that no one else remembered her little baby girl and how wonderful it was to have her here.

I don't know you very well but for my mom and for Sheri I will always remember Kendall too.

The life a child lives inside you is amazing, so much happens in that time you have together just mother and child.

I am so happy you are being asked and talking about your sweet baby and how her life touched yours.

xo

kristin said...

I like how your t thinks! :)

Sheryl said...

Yes, your T is inspired. When I read your comments about your T asking about Kendall I got all welled up inside. Thinking about her in this way is a good thing... I can feel it... It rings true... it leads me to believe it will help. I think Kendall was the angel who inspired your T to ask you. Kendall wants you to remember too - HUGS

Krista said...

That picture frame is beautiful. I will be thinking of you during this time. I'm glad that you got the chance to talk about her life.

Alexandra Rising said...

Thinking of you all.

now.is.now said...

i'm glad you got to talk about Kendall's life.

Take care of yourself, Brie.

Stephanie said...

Oh... When Care Bear gets it right.. She gets it right.

I am glad that you were able to talk about your beautiful baby daughter. Kendall will never be forgotten when her life is remembered..

I know I wont... and remember that in your session today, CB also validated the fact that we are twins...

I heart you B.

Sarah said...

What did you answer with?

Stella said...

okay, I SWEAR I commented on this earlier, but I don't see it...it went something like this:

Your T is a wise woman!

If you feel like it, tell us some stories about Kendall's life! I would love to hear, and I'm sure many others would as well :)

Your picture/collage is lovely!

CG said...

I love your T.

zubeldia said...

thinking of you, sweet B. What a beautiful daughter.

Arielle Bair (Becker) said...

Glad you got to do that! Hope it felt good!

香蕉哥哥 said...

與其爭取不可能得到的東西,不如善自珍惜運用自己所擁有的........................................

tracy said...

i am lighting a candle for Kendall Penny and her life tonight.
Love,
tracy

Dianne said...

I'm thinking of you. And I'll bet Kendall is, too. :>)

malpaz said...

wow you have the worlds best T, i have never heard of anything like this. that is absoluetly wonderful i am so happy for you