Friday, March 5, 2010

A Matter of Trust

One of the things I’m still working on in therapy is dealing with the fact that this world can really suck – or, more appropriately, that people in this world can really suck. And what SUCKS even more about that is that there’s not much you can do about it. People are going to be dicks, and you have to accept that – accept that people might be bad, no matter how good you want them to be. People might hurt you, or try to mess with you or your family, and you can’t change what they’re going to (try to) do. There are good and bad people everywhere. For a long time I trusted no one but myself because of that. I am slowly learning to trust the people in my life that it’s appropriate to trust: Husband, family, a few friends, my treatment team, etc, but it hasn’t been easy.

But I was making progress. I was slowly nurturing a little faith in the world.

And then someone had to come along and shatter it. A certain person had to turn from being someone I loved and trusted to a total and complete FAT BASTARD (and that’s only because I’m trying not to use the EFF word on my blog). I am lucky, because I have not been personally hurt by this person. But someone very close to me has, and watching her suffer because Dr. Jekyll turned into Mr. Hyde and shattered her life is maddening. It seriously almost makes me homicidal – and that makes it personal.

And I’m scared. Because if I knew this person I thought so well, and I never imagined them transforming into the monster they’ve become, who or what’s to say that other people I trust won’t do the same?

It’s a sceeery place we live in. Shivers.

14 comments:

Alexandra Rising said...

<3
Sometimes I start thinking like this...especially because the untrustworthy person always seems to be a 'family man' or 'the nicest guy' or 'the sweetest gal'. Last year, a man in my [current] town [a rather upper class town] murdered his wife, his college age daughter, and his middle school age daughter and then killed himself.
I was thinking about it recently and thinking about how no one EVER would have suspected such a heinous act from such a kind, well-to-do family...and then I thought, 'How can we ever really know? With anyone?'...but then I realized I cant waste time worrying about every person I know, because that's just it: I don't know. I need to enjoy every minute of life that I can and not worry that someone is going to turn on me or betray my trust.
Sorry for this ramble, I was just thinking about this very recently...it's fresh in my mind.

I am sorry that someone you care about has been hurt :( and I'm sorry it's hurting you, too. I'm glad you do have some people you can trust.

Lou Lou said...

hey brie, totally know what you mean, that scamming dick has really got me thinking about this kind of thing lately.
as long as we dont let those kinds of people come in between our loved ones we can hang in there and protect our bubbles.
sometimes we figure out our "friends" we see all the time are actually pretty poisonous and not the best ones to surround ourselves with, and thats always a bummer, but skimming the people out who make us feel bad about ourselves is just such a fantastic feeling!! how did you get that copyright on your blog? I would like to do this too!
x
lou

Courtney said...

I think that this is one of the hardest things to do in life...learning to trust when it seems like everything in the world around us teaches us that we can't trust anything or anyone. I don't know the specifics of your situation but I know for myself personally when things happen that cause me to lose faith in humanity and even life itself, it often takes time but I am always reminded that there are a few things we CAN hold on to that will never let us down (God, truth, innocent children...). This may be the cheesiest thing you've ever heard but I love the way the earth itself is a symbolism of hope--night and darkness are always met by the rising of the sun, no matter how long winter drags on with these annoying snow storms that push those little crocus blooms back into the ground, eventually it DOES get warmer and we start to see the benefits of enduring the dreary, cold winter. Anyway, this is probably the most random comment ever, just hang in there and remember that no matter how bad things seem there are a few things that we can always trust.

allegri said...

NO BUENO. People sure can suck. I am so sorry for your friend. But I am glad that they have Mama Bear Brie to be there for them.

Maeve said...

I'm sorry that you've seen someone you love be hurt by someone you trusted. It SUCKS.

Try and remember that this is a very sad case but does not mean you should stop working on building trust. Getting hurt and having trust betrayed is miserable, but so is being separated by impenetrable walls.

I hope the person who has been hurt can find healing soon.

now.is.now said...

I'm sorry this happened. These types of things SHOULDN'T happen.....

Heather said...

I swear that sometimes you find the perfect words to describe EXACTLY what is swirling around in my head at any given moment

l too feel like I'm floundering sometimes to find good people in the world. Thank you for this post... it really spoke to me. I have to remind myself that I can always rely on the fact that God is good.

Eating Alone said...

I wonder what some of my old friends think of me. I got my ED much later in life. I left my church, and sunday school class - that I taught!, left my job, stopped calling everyone and didn't return calls. I have no idea what they thought of me just dropping off the face of the earth. It had nothing to do with them. That bastard ED sucked every thing out of me. It took me so long to wake up, most everyone has moved so it's hard find them, and they have moved on with their lives as well.

Sorry I don't know what that guy did, I was just thinking of what I must have looked like when ED moved in. I went from being a caring, loving friend to a cold, distant, self destructive bastard.

Laur said...

well said. I reacted the same way when I was part of the same scenerio (I think you know what I what I mean.) You are a sweety.

Chad said...

Sorry sister. I believe I know who you're talking about and this person is an ass. That's all there is to say. I'm sorry he/she/it broken your trust in people again. I've had a few times in my life (one just recently) where people in my own family (my side, not the good side you're on) who I loved and trusted deeply turned out to be doing very hurtful and disturbing things. It's been hard after each of these very nasty situations to feel I can trust humanity (or even just my husband) again. I think trust is more of an educated gamble. You can't ever know you can trust somebody 100%. Maybe yourself, but I find I let myself down. But when you find episodes or even several months and years where your trust is well-founded (and many times it is, like so far with my B), it makes it that much happier. Sorry for the downer. Keep trying. And let's hope the losers get hemorrhagic hemorrhoids (not a real condition but one I'd love to wish on people like that).

Em said...

Brie, so apparently "Chad" is my new pen-name. Catchy, no? This is what happens when I forget my friend must have signed into her husband's gmail when using my computer. So that last Chad comment was really me. Bummer. Talk about not being able to trust people.

THE CREATION OF A BEAUTIFUL LIFE said...

I'm sorry that something "bad" has happened. I am always here if you need to vent. I hope that things can work out... In fact... I know they can. Keep faith in the Lord and learn to lean on those in your life who repsect and love you... You will get through this none the less. That is what I believe, at least.

tawny said...

oh girl yes. I agree. I went through that "emotion" in December. I couldn't shake the hurt and BETRAYAL of that person. It scared me. and it broke my heart for her. IT's awful.

prayers, hope, and family get us through it. hard yes, but day by day is all we can do.....xo.

Brooke said...

Jekyl and Hyde sucks!! He ruined my kids' lifes...