One of the things I’m still working on in therapy is dealing with the fact that this world can really suck – or, more appropriately, that people in this world can really suck. And what SUCKS even more about that is that there’s not much you can do about it. People are going to be dicks, and you have to accept that – accept that people might be bad, no matter how good you want them to be. People might hurt you, or try to mess with you or your family, and you can’t change what they’re going to (try to) do. There are good and bad people everywhere. For a long time I trusted no one but myself because of that. I am slowly learning to trust the people in my life that it’s appropriate to trust: Husband, family, a few friends, my treatment team, etc, but it hasn’t been easy.
But I was making progress. I was slowly nurturing a little faith in the world.
And then someone had to come along and shatter it. A certain person had to turn from being someone I loved and trusted to a total and complete FAT BASTARD (and that’s only because I’m trying not to use the EFF word on my blog). I am lucky, because I have not been personally hurt by this person. But someone very close to me has, and watching her suffer because Dr. Jekyll turned into Mr. Hyde and shattered her life is maddening. It seriously almost makes me homicidal – and that makes it personal.
And I’m scared. Because if I knew this person I thought so well, and I never imagined them transforming into the monster they’ve become, who or what’s to say that other people I trust won’t do the same?
It’s a sceeery place we live in. Shivers.