Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Passive Aggressive Ode to Meds

Dear [Antidepressant],

I am an Über bitch without you – and you know that’s hardcore because I just spent five minutes looking for the place I could insert that legit looking U with the dots on the top. I decided to wean offa you because I’ve been dependent on you for years and Girlfriend wanted to try to be an island – or at least not an infant, completely dependent on the beloved Serotonin you bathe my brain in daily. But noooooo. Noooo more! Diet Coke alone does not give Breezy enough Serotonin with its promising caffeinated bubbles that burn baby burn as they wash down my throat…

Without you in my life, I:

1. Hallucinate and think my cat is missing an arm/leg thingy
2. Throw things at my computer screen when I see YET ANOTHER person has announced a pregnancy on facebook
3. Cry when my alarm goes off in the morning and then mutter things like DIE MY LIFE DIE!!! And then sob IdidmybestIdidmybest guys, Ididmybest OKAY GUYS? Sniffle sniffle moan. Rent clothes, rave, rant, collapse on the floor, groan.

It’s hard to know if you’re turning me insane because I need you to live, or if because I’ve tried to taper you too quickly and my cerebral cortex-o is mad – nay, dear [antidepressant], INCENSED about that.

At any rate, I pretty much hate you, but am resigned to the fact you may play some role in my life until I keel over. You’s a dick.

Love,
Brie

13 comments:

B R I T N E Y said...

You tell 'em!!

I have a few of those type of letters I need to write as well...

t. said...

i kicked my antidepressant habit, although i sometimes wish i could go back on it. well, i guess i could, but it kinda gives me acne and acne and i are not what you'd call buddies. acne is my nemesis. so, yes, i am vain. so i shall wallow beautifully in my angst.

and maybe i'll post as my facebook status tomorrow "is not pregnant!"

brie said...

t: "I shall wallow beautifully in my angst..."

TOTALLY had me roaring. i love you, and i love you even more for not being pregnant bahaha.

Eating Alone said...

There is no shame in them. They help you be a better you. And you can try again. Failing doesn't mean you can't do it, just that this time it didn't work.

Laur said...

love it love it love it.

Laur said...

...you're little letter that is. Had me laughing.

Cammy said...

Yikes, either going on or coming off a med can really throw you for a loop. Your neurons are in WTF mode, and that is never fun. It can really be hard to feel out of control of what your emotions are doing. Hang in there. If you give it some time and still feel like you need the meds, talk to you doc about it and you can start back up, but it's probably a good idea to do what you're doing and see how things are without them, knowing it's not like you can never go back to them. Remember that you are still in control here. I heart you muchly.

Alexandra Rising said...

Shakespeare who?
These are the fine words of a true writer :)

Katannah said...

And here I was just thinking of how much I missed my Prozac... it helped me quit smoking and made me just. Not. Care. Thanks for the reality check - I will not forget the Dark Side. <3

Kerri said...

Ooh I went of cymbalta a while back and it was AWFUL. The husband found me sobbing loudly on the floor of my son's room-- I don't even know how he didn't wake up. It was that drug though, because I have been on and off other meds and NEVER had that bad of a reaction...then I tried another one recently and got horrible acne. I am shallow, so I quit those too. Now I am medless and doing okay depression-wise but the anxiety is not fun... however, my doc is on vacation and has been for weeks! :P

now.is.now said...

I recently (like, last week) decided to go off of anti-D's too... but had bad withdrawl symptoms, so I went back on. Now I'm on them but I'm freaking resentful towards them b/c I feel like the only reason I take them is to not have to go through what I go through when I try to go off of them. They make me feel trapped. I feel like I take them against my will or something. Me and the Anti-D's do not have a good relationship right now...

Em said...

I too hate feeling like my life revolves around a little pill, but having been raised by parents who had no natural serotonin at all, I am convinced that there are worse things than having a mother on antidepressants. Feel better.Hope you find a mix that works for you. I'm not pregnant or able to become so anymore, but I remember feeling the same rage at all reproducing women after my miscarriages. I'm sorry the reminders are so frequent and painful. My thoughts are with you as you go through the next few weeks.

Heather Lindquist said...

I've been on and off mine for what seems forever. I get off of them, thinking they do nothing good for me, and then, months later, realize how f-upped I am. Then I go back on. Then off. Then on. It's so cyclical it's scary. And I too get depressed (and yes, irritatingly annoyed)with everyone's facebook status mentioning they're P or just had a baby lately! Under "normal" conditions, I think we'd both be happy, but since we've also both just recently lost one, it's instead, agonizingly heartbreaking. I guess it's appropriate for me to say, today being St. Patrick's Day, that it makes me "green with envy"....dang it!