Hi friends. Sorry my posts have been a bit…weird?...as of late. Truthfully, it’s a pretty difficult time for me and my family. You know what they say; life is like a ferris-wheel. Sometimes you’re up, and sometimes you’re down. Right now I’m down. And I’m totally kidding I have no idea who the hell says that but whatever.
You know how they say that in re-feeding, the vast majority of the weight you gain goes to your stomach first, before it redistributes more equally to other parts of your body? Well I’m totes confused because my treatment team has told me that I’ve lost weight, yet yet AND YET even from trying on pants, say two weeks ago, I had to try on a bigger size. So did all the weight migrate from my stomach to my ass? And how in the world does that equal WEIGHT LOSS?
Its times like these, dear readers, when I question weight gain and recovery because it just doesn’t make FREAKING SENSE to me. Weight lossssss=a biggggggger pant size? Someone? Anyone? Bueller?
I’m tired. I’m not giving up on recovery by any means, but I am questioning it – mostly because you know what? People tell you that you’re going to be happy! and everything will be just fine! and blah blah blah yakkity schmakkity! When you gain weight and are “recovered.” But I don’t feel any of those things. If anything, things are worse than they’ve been in a long time: My husband is jobless, there’s a major dickface in my family who is ruining my sister’s life, as Kendall’s due date rapidly approaches, I feel like I die a little more each day – the mourning and pain is indescribable. Would any of these things be better if I were xx lbs lighter? Of course not. I know this. But in my warped brain, I feel like I could handle it better.
Anyway. Just getting out a bit of frustration.
Time to go eat dinner.