Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Get the Funk Outta Here

I’m kinda in a funk. But I guess I keep plodding along. It’s hard to keep your chin up when your breadwinner ain’t winnin’ any manna. I’m proud of my man and I know he’ll find something soon, but I’ve never been good with stress and this is DEFINITELY STRESSFUL. Psers Thanks so much to all for your recommendations and leads.  You have NO IDEA how much the Bster and I appreciate them...

Might have to get the tube again. I really don’t understand it. I’m only a few pounds away but since I’m not making any progress…but it’s like EMBARRASSING to get a feeding tube when you don’t look like you need one, you know? My hell. I told the D that me having to get a tube is “ridiculous” and she shot back that me having to see her twice a week to even know how to eat is ridiculous too…she then asked me which part of this entire equation seemed “normal” to me. Wait seeing your therapist and dietician twice/week and doing group once/week basically means doing IOP wait that isn’t normal? Damn. Scuffle feet. She’s right. But still.

Really worried about some friends.

Le sigh.

My pal Erin sent me this picture and told me that soon I’ll be THIS STRONG from conquering all of my problems…
Only…


Can I look like this just on the inside? That’s way less gwoss.

11 comments:

Maeve said...

Don't worry Brie, you will never look that gross! (seriously, eww, I don't know what part of that picture disturbs me the most).

I know it's rough; but try and take care of yourself. And we love you no matter what!!

t. said...

i'm sorry, brie. i really hope you don't have to get the tube again.

and wow, that woman must've taken some serious 'roids. and that "outfit" is total ick.

lisalisa said...

Oh. My. Word.
Someone should tell that lady she's got her thong on backwards!

I know it is scarry when your man is out of work. I remember right after I got out of the CFC, my husband's employer took him off of hourly and put him on comission. So, he was a bench jeweler, but most of his work was changing watch batteries. He went from $15 an hour to like $4. Oh, and then his paychecks started bouncing. Yeah it sucked. I know it sounds cliche'd, but we prayed hard that something would work out, and it did. At the time it seems like a crisis, but in a year or two you will just look back on it a rough patch that you got through together.

I'm sorry to hear you may have to get the tube back. I figured out what you need. One of those stupid
hats that holds a can of beer on either side and has straws that go down into your mouth. But instead of beer you can put cans of Boost in it. And wear it all day long, like to work and stuff. Maybe you could patent the idea and sell it to treatment centers and dietitians and make a ton of sweet moolah. then you and Brandon would never have to work again!
(but could I get like 5%?)

brie said...

haha lisa i'll give you 15%! ;)

and that picture is DIS.GUST.INGGGG, huh? shivers.

Eating Alone said...

Nope I like the picture. Her shape is just different. I like it cause you can see all the muscels. I think it's way cool. There's one girl at the gym, I call her arms, that I love watching cause it's so cool seeing the way that her muscels work when she lifts. She thought I was a stalker till we started talking about the insertation and movement of various muscels.

Wow long coment about nothing. On a serious note you have a goal - AVOID THE TUBE. This means you will do what you need to do. Eat like crazy. Your body's metabolism is probably through the rough, that happens in the refeeding process. This means you have eat like 2X more than a normal person to do what you need. It sucks but it does happen.

Good luck.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

I don't see what's so repulsive about that photo. She obviously tries to take care of her self. She's confident. She's probably in the best shape she's ever been in. She eats healthy. And if we ever slept together, she'd create new orifices in my body that I'd need to stitch up the following day. Awesome!

-c

brie said...

she's like the female equivelant of a terminator! i bet HER orifices are made of complete rock-hard metal! sceeery.

Heather Lindquist said...

I'm glad you can be honest and admit that your T and D are right. That the tube is needed if you're not getting the right amount in otherwise. It's hard not to fall back into old crap when things are overwhelmingly stressful. With this month being so full of stuff (ie: packing up and moving to another state, the anniversary of my mom's death, the anniversary of my favorite little boy's death, the ongoing dilemna of not being able to conceive, blah, blah, blah)....well, to put it bluntly, I've been tempted as well to go back to my old "ways". Granted, not the ED "ways" but the self-harm "ways" (which really isn't any better). So...when I saw my T yesterday, she brought it to my attention how I always fall back into my "safety-net" of ED or self-harm....ugh. I thought I was beyond that. But apparently, I still struggle to hang on to the "normal" way of dealing with stress..which isn't entirely very clear to me. But, oh well. I'm learning. And no, I haven't done anything bad, but it's been a constant struggle to resist. Stress can definitely bring out the worse in us. You really, in truly CAN do what you need to do Brie. So can I. We just have to white-knuckle it for a while until we're out from under the black clouds. Cuz those clouds will only get bigger and blacker if we fall into the big black abiss beneath the big black cloud...and then, well, adios bright future! Nah, just kidding. Or maybe not. I don't know, but what I do know is that I plan on proving everyone who knows me, that they are wrong when they say I can't handle stress "normally".....I'm going to totally show them up and they'll have to humbly apologize or stick their heads in the sand! Hmmm...I'm going kinda crazy with this response. Sorry. I'll cut back now. Hope things get better Brie. Don't let that ED win and be sucked down under. You're strong, capable, and have the power to change the tide's direction.

Alexandra Rising said...

Hey Selena!
That picture rather frightens me. Let's blame it on the assumed steroids she's been shooting.

If I were you I'd ask for a metabolism test. I mean, if you're metabolism has been over 100% before who is to say that it is not there again? [Which would explain why you arent gaining weight]. If it's your METABOLISM'S fault...then why should you get a tube? Your metabolism needs the tube. Just a miniscule theory. I hope you dont have to get it for your sake, but if you do I hope it serves you well.
<3 Demi

Kerri said...

Not that I wanna be the big meanie after Alex's post, but even if it were a metabolism, thing, fact is, the weight that needs to be still isn't. And the calories would still need to be going in just to maintain. Which means either eat even more to keep where you need to, or tube it. :( As for the body builder- that is not attractive. A woman's body can't even do that naturally!

licketysplit said...

That pic makes me gag. Ew ew ew!