Sunday, December 21, 2008

White Elephant Excellence

Last night was the annual Brown Family Christmas Party. This party alone may be one of the prevailing reasons I'm glad I was born into my family, for realsies! We have an excellent dinner over candle light with NO CHILDREN ALLOWED. We have a white elephant party where things get dirty and desperate, and then we close with us each talking about the love or gratitude we have for each other and for the many things we've been blessed with.




Now, I wasn't feeling all healthy n stuff, but I wasn't going to let a bad bug keep me away. I desperately tried to ignore the symptoms of The Flu or Whatever as the party went along, but by the time we were ready to leave my voice was quickly fading. So, today. LITERALLY no voice. Nothing. Only high squeaks that everybody finds highly annoying. But at least it came today and not yesterday. And at least I'm getting surgery tomorrow and at least I'll be blissfully anesthestitized to my lack of voice. I'm hoping I'll wake up and not only have a vital body part back but also my vocal chords. We'll see how things develop. Ooh, ooh, pictured above is me (SANS TUBE!) with the Big B-ster and my twin Brett and his beautiful wife Angela.

At any rate.

The white elephant was so so so excellent this year. Of course, you can always count on me and my sense of humor and lover of All Things Dirty to bring some interesting gifts. My favorite hall of famers in the past that I've thought up include

*bringing a Playboy, but not before I glued every page shut -- and not before flipping through every page, either. :)

*buying a GIANT package of Depends (which are expensive, btw) and attaching a very neatly written poem about my sister and insinuating she had some serious icontinence problems.

*this year I had taken a DISGUSTING pic of my sister M at the aforementioned Sister Pie Night. (although really, she's gorgeous and could never look disgusting. It was more, like, the angle she was in...? spread legs et al :) I blew up a 12x12 poster of it and rolled up that beauty as a gift. Unfortunately the person who opened it happened to be sitting right next to her so she started screaming and whimpering and very nearly ripped it up before it could get gloriously passed around the entire circle of the fam. She then pointed at me and said, "BRIE! YOU'RE ON MY RADAR."
Bring it on Sista. I will win. I always do. I will rip you apart with my vicious rhetoric. It'll sting.

Other gems this year included a glowing plaid bust in pastels

and a homemade pillow case that on one side said YES, TONIGHT
or
NOT TONIGHT
haha you can DEFINITELY tell that if a man had made that pillowcase, one side would have said YES TONIGHT and, on the flip side, TWICE TONIGHT. Love it!

One of my faveys also ended up being a TOTALLY NAST Barbie doll that my flippin sister MADE. She called it Shave with me Barbie and Tawn cut up hair and glued it all over this poor doll's arms, legs and pits. My bet is that it was pubes, but she swears we'll never know. I seriously threw up a little in my mouth when I saw it, but mostly I was jealous that I didn't think of it, haha. Pictured here is my sissy Brooke (left) and my sissy Tawny (right) and their hubby's. Tawn was the one who brought her pubes glued to a Barbie doll. I think. (Quick! Someone email me a pic of the hairy barbie so I can post it!)

I also ended up bringing Vinnie's Tamp Case which is, like, amazing. In fact, I loved it so much after I bought it that I opened it up during the party and preteneded I didn't bring it so that I could take it back home with me. Yay for knowing your flow. And making it cool again. (You may comprar this at shopgrun.com and be cool like me. If you dare.)

And then, because we have at least a small amount of class left in our blood lines, we ended the night with a serious moment or two. It was amazingness. This is why I remember that I actually love Christmas. In the end, it really is all about family and those you love.

Wish me luck with the whole going under the knife thingy tomorrow.

PS I am also ashamed to report that I'd actually like to have a period again so that I can use my tamp case. I'm thinking my T would say this is a very positive step in the right direction. Cycling is cool!
PPS Thanks Tawn for letting me yoink all these pics from your blog!

22 comments:

H said...

You are soooo hystericaly funny. Seriously, what would I do without your humor? I love that tamp case.....I've never seen one like it. I think i might just have to order one. And a furry barbie made of pubic hair? I definitely would've barfed. Make her fess up and share where she got the hair!! What did you get as your gift? I wish we did fun things like that......I'm going south to Kyndra and Drew's house. Should be fun though, like last year. Especially with baby Zoe. And yes, I will pray for you to "know your flow"...hee, hee.

Laur said...

I think this might possibly the funniest post you HAVE EVER posted. I am not even kidding Brie.
I often wish I were a Brown...these types of get togethers seem so great. I have such a small fam that this wouldn't really work so I am jealous.
But seriously, I can't beleive how funny this post was I was dying.
Love you

Jackie said...

Looks like so much fun, I am jealous! good luck tomorrow sweet pea. Call me if you need anything. xoxo

Abby said...

Oh, Brie, I have missed reading your blog! But now I suddenly have a month off from school... and of course Iam going to play and read blogs the whole time. I don't think I'll ever get caught up on everything that transpired in blog land while I was busy studying, though... and I have entirely missed what your surgery is about... but I very much hope and pray that it goes well. And... I think your family is amazing. Are your parents or any similar relatives included in these events? I'm assuming not, but from the way you're describing this, I'm curious! I think my mom would probably rather die a slow, painful death and never see her children again than attend an event at which she would risk encountering such items as the Barbie... or the pillow case... or even the glued-together Playboy. Or even the tampon case!

Abby said...

Where did the space go between the "I" and the "am"? Darn typos....

Kara said...

I totally want that tamp case!

Kara said...

I can't find the tamp case on shopgrun.com... Will you post the direct link? Thanks.

Kara said...

Nevermind, I founds it! So cute and so FUNCTIONAL!

brie said...

Abbs, it was ABSOLUTELY my entire family! Mom, Dad, and all my brothers and sisters with their spouses...all in all 22 couples were there. It was amazingness - and yes, my parents do put up with a lot, but I know they love it! (And I've missed you!!)

Kara, glad you found it. I'm seriously in love with my Vinnie!

I'm leaving for my surgery in a few. I've only slept a couple hours all night I've been so nervous, but I figure I'll be sleeping all day with the anesthesia so I'm sure I'll catch up on my Z's. LOVE YOU!!

brie said...

Abbs, it was ABSOLUTELY my entire family! Mom, Dad, and all my brothers and sisters with their spouses...all in all 22 couples were there. It was amazingness - and yes, my parents do put up with a lot, but I know they love it! (And I've missed you!!)

Kara, glad you found it. I'm seriously in love with my Vinnie!

I'm leaving for my surgery in a few. I've only slept a couple hours all night I've been so nervous, but I figure I'll be sleeping all day with the anesthesia so I'm sure I'll catch up on my Z's. LOVE YOU!!

britnielynn said...

Your family is Awsome! Thanks for this very funny post!
Best wishes on the surgery & have a verry Merry Christmas!!!

Luv ya Brie

Sarah said...

Hilarious post babe . . . I hope your surgery went well and you are recovering uneventfully. I'm thinking of you.

xoxo

tawny said...

Brie you have a way with words...! Thanks for making the white elephants sooo funny this year! it was a blast....:)

Keely said...

I know you have probably already had it, but good luck with your surgery. (hug) You're party sounds AWESOME! I need to get my family to do something like that. :0 Yeah!

jana bananas said...

That looks like a lot of fun! I don't know if cycling is all that fun but glad you're looking forward to it. That case is pretty cool!

And I hope your surgery went well! Still haven't heard from you.

lisalisa said...

merry xmas and best wishes with your surgery! Lame comment i know! Im new to the whole blogging experience!

Brooke said...

Yo, I'm hooking you you up right now with the pube barbie doll! I'm using it for my friend white elepant party on Saturday. Crap, I already wrapped. I'll undo it. Thanks for reminding me! Love ya babe!

Sarah said...

Yes, Brie, how did the surgery go? Are you dead? I hope not.

Tame Sláinte said...

good to see you are still posting :) I just started a public blog, we'll see how it goes! I am trying to keep it more academic and keep my personal stuff in my other blog.

Krista said...

I'm such a douche I thought I already responded. I think I have done that like a billion times now. I am really curious to see shave with me barbie. It made me vomit a little to think about!

jana bananas said...

I think Brie has had some internet problems, but I just wanted to assure everyone that hasn't heard from Brie that she is in fact alive!!

Jackie said...

I missssssss you, get your internet fixed. Wait, let's just get dinner. Call me!!!