Friday, December 12, 2008

The STUPIDEST Tube Inquiry to Date

Oooh ooh frustration to the MAX!! Some guy at work (again, whom I don’t know, was meeting for the first time) saw me, and, like, stared at me like I was a juicy porno, then said,

SO, DO YOU HAVE A SINUS INFECTION OR SOMETHING??

I did nervous tube embarrassment diarrhea rumblings in my tummy then, but didn’t even deem him a glance. I stayed staring straight ahead, gave this dark chuckle that seemed to simultaneously say

I HATE YOU
YOU ARE STUPID and LAME and CREEPILY CURIOUS.
YOU DON’T LOOK GOOD IN BLUE.
REALLY? A SINUS INFECTION?

And said, simply, NO.

No explanations. No fumbling convo in which I tell him I have some sort of disease that makes me shat in a bag. Nothing. Just a NO.

And I knew he felt stupid.
And I was glad.

I mean. Truly. A sinus infection? That’s a new one. An unfortunate new one.

Really. Who asks someone this who not only do they not know, but whom they’ve never met and will probably never see again? What is it about me that makes people think they can ask me whatever the hell they want? Do I have a sign on my person that says 20 QUESTIONS? Or maybe, ASK ME, I’M EASY?

I am not easy. Do not ask me.
Do not pass go, DO NOT collect $100!

19 comments:

Kara said...

What an idiot!!!!! I'm SO GLAD you just said "No" and walked away. Good move. I'm so sorry that everyone thinks they can be rude just because of the tubage. You rock!

brie said...

this pic of me is ridiculous! i don't look like i'm screaming, i look like i'm about to start weeping. sad!

H said...

I can't believe someone would say that! That's quite stupid, on his behalf. I mean, seriously. You should make a list of all those dumb-ass questions and then write a book for others with tubes so they'll feel better. : )

jana bananas said...

A sinus infection? That's just lame. Well, I doubt this dork is the last person that's going to ask/say something. :(

Penny said...

Loved Your response. you rock. Love You

Tanya said...

UGH!! I wish someone that stupid could endure just once having a tubed shoved down his nose and feed him through it for a little while and make him walk around with a fanny pack (just to add to the humility) and allow people to make stupid jests or comments and stare and all that crap and then yank the tube out when he least expects it and hope his nose throbs with pain for days.

Hugs. I am so sorry you have to go through all this crap. If it helps I almost growled at some kid in walmart that was staring up at me because of my wound vac which is attached to my neck...I would have if I had seen her mother anywhere in sight...unfortunately I think she was also lost so I didn't want to scare her more...

sorry didn't mean to diverge.

Silly Wabbit said...

Hi Brie-you don't know me. I stumbled across your blog and have been hooked ever since. You are REAL! and funny and just fabulous. I am glad you blog. You say so much that I think and never dream of writing. I think it's brave to put your stuff out there-especially because your family reads it. (They probably know you better then most people know their family)
Anyway-enough about how great you are! :) Thanks for you blog and keeping it real-whatever that looks on whatever day!

tawny said...

Seriously!? some people have SUCH nerve! It's like they are missing all common sense!

I'm glad you put him in his place. Where. he. belongs. Loves

Kyla said...

that's wretched! good response, though

kristin said...

A sinus infection? ..? I think you gave a good response to that inquiry.

Take care, Brie.

love, kristin

Emily said...

Wow. That is just AWFUL! How rude of him.

Lisa said...

Oh jeez. When I was growing up my mother drilled into me that it is quite rude to stare and/or ask intrusive questions about another person's medical apparatus, scars, missing limbs, etc. Maybe she should write a book.

And I just now caught up with all the other stuff going on with your blog. I hope you keep writing, and remember that if we don't laugh, we cry.

Sarah said...

oh for the love of pete. that is ridiculous. what an ass.

lisalisa said...

i pretty much agree with everything that was said. And may i say that i amm sooo glad that your blog is no longer private! It has been such a source of inspiration/ hope/ comis relief foe me. I am addicted to it! Keep on writing!

Jackie said...

I am home! Let's do dinner biotch! Unless your SINUS infection is too severe.... :)

ania said...

Dear Brie,

You're going to have a book of them. You can wallpaper your office/cubicle/half-partition with them.

I really have been thinking, "I wonder what he thinks a tube could do for a sinus infection."

This is what I came up with:

"Tube.Nose.
Nose?
NoseTube.
Nose....Sinus! Sinus.
Sinus....Infection. Tubesdraininfection.
Sinuses get infected.
¡¡Tube helps her severe sinus infection!!"

But, you know, all in a half-second and without a pause-before-send reflex.

It seems that the majority of your queries come from men.

That said, I feel safe to confess that yesterday, I stopped to ask a college student with a canvas bag of groceries if she needed a ride. She straightened up from leaning on the sign post and said, "Um. I'm waiting for the bus. But thanks!"

With care....

Katherine said...

dude, i think i may have punched him in the face (ok well maybe not considering my tendency to avoid violence...but i would have at least wanted to) and hey, you know what? i would actually be willing to punch him for you. way to handle it in a much more appropriate way! ;-)

brie said...

i loves you and all your replies! ania, your's was classic! nose, to him, must have equaled sinus infection. what a weirdo!

Brooke said...

Yo Brie. I love when I see the strong side of you come out! You just looked right at him and turned the pressure from you to him. That was a pretty sweet move (that's something dad would know how to do)! Heredity rocks!