Thursday, December 11, 2008

My Blog, My Rules

This is my blog. I started it over a year ago as a way to escape, to meet new people, and to develop my writing style. For so long, I looked forward to blogging everyday. It made me happy.

It doesn’t make me happy anymore. There’s too much drama going on in Blog Land right now and it seriously BLOWS.

I have a very sarcastic sense of humor. I like to make fun of myself, poke fun at ED. But that DOES NOT make me any less motivated to recover than the next person. Humor is how I get through the sucky stuff. I’m on a meal plan and am gaining weight consistently every week. I’m making progress, and if my journey to recovery is taking too long or if you find it too frustrating, or if the sense of humor I approach it with too offending, then don’t read my blog. Seriously.

Please. Don’t take this humor, this outlet away from me. If I make a joke that you don’t think is funny, then don’t read it. But don’t judge me for it. We all deal with things differently, approach recovery and life differently, and that’s okay. I would never judge you for it and I would expect the same respect in return. This week as I set my blog private from EVERYBODY I seriously contemplated trashing Blogxygen, just being done. But I cried. I cried and cried and cried because I love my blog and the people I've met so much...I love what I've created and how it's changed me (and, perhaps, changed, motivated others...) and made me happier. I don't want to lose it, but some things have to change.

I want to blog and to feel the way I used to when I did it…that I was using a creative outlet to forget about ED for awhile, I felt happy, I felt a release. Now? Now I feel like I spend a lot of my time trying to defend myself to some of you. I don’t want to feel attacked on my own blog. I don’t want to feel less than, or be afraid of what some of you may comment, when in reality feels pretty hypocritical. I don’t want to change my blog to appease some of my readers. For so long I changed who I was so I could be acceptable and liked. I’ve finally gotten to a point where I just DON’T FREAKING CARE. I’m not going to squelch my personality or approach to life so that I can walk delicately around your feelings. I’m done hiding. This is me. So deal.

NEW BLOG RULES:
1. All comments will now be moderated.
2. I haven’t decided if I’m even going to discuss my ED at all anymore – negative OR positive, that way maybe I can avoid less hypocritical comments and anger on both sides.
3. If you can’t take a joke you should seriously consider not reading my blog. If my “methods” of recovery are offensive to you, I suggest you read elsewhere. I’ve considered making my blog private but I know there are many readers out there who have occasionally (and mostly anonymously) sent me emails thanking me for my blog and for my optimistic and cheerful outlook on recovery. I truly feel like I might be helping some people, and I don’t want to set it private and only invite the ones I know who read it. It’s much easier to ask those who have a problem with me to stop reading. I mean it.
4. I will no longer apologize for any of this anymore. You won’t hear one more “I’m sorry.” Because I’m not. This is me, take it or leave it.

44 comments:

racher said...

i think you are super swell brie and i'm one of your biggest cheerleaders and i like dealing with you. your friend, racher

jana bananas said...

I loves you to death Brie, and I love your blog. If not for your blog, I never would had met you and made such a wonderful friend. I cherish you and our friendship so much. (Am I sounding uber cheesy?) I'm glad you're going to keep blogging, and I hope that it becomes a fun outlet for you again.

If it doesn't consider going private before completely shutting it down. I have found my blog to be a lot more satisfying since making it private, but that's because I also became completely paranoid and going private has opened me up more. Your blog is read by so many people though, so I can understand not wanting to privatize.

I've said it before but you rock my socks, girlie. Thank you for your blog and thank you for being YOU.

Love from a banana.

tawny said...

Brie!

I am proud of you...always have been.:) Stay strong, your real friends will ALWAYS love you NO matter what. The rest of the peeps just don't matter. I am so glad you are staying true to yourself and still blogging....it helps not only you but lots of us out here! YOu know you have been such a help to so many who struggle with ED. Keep it going!

Know your sis's have your back and noone messes with that!!
lots o' Love sis!

Sarah said...

Agreed! And hey...wasn't one of your goals a while back to be more assertive?

Looks like you are meeting that goal! Go you!!!

CookieGirl said...

Hi sweet Brie - I think your jokes are great, I seriously find myself laughing out loud weekly. I am so sorry I don't respond more often. I am a lazy blog-girl lately. Do what feels right to you! sending hugs...

Myrna Pappas said...

Hi Brie
This is my very first comment to your blog. I work for the Girl Scouts and one of our older girls shared it with me a while ago. I really want to thank you for your candor and honesty - your blog has sparked many a conversation with our older girls and been a blessing on more then one occasion. You have touched many a girl (and grown-ups) here at Girl Scouts - which I am enternally grateful.

Marissa said...

Good. I'll take it:)

I missed you and you blogaliciousness. Also, did the internet have any answers to . . . what we texted about last night? You gotta let me know!

P.S. I miss you. Finals are next week, but after, like, Thursday, I should be FREE. And I really really want to hang out and eat fries and maybe go flash some people at the mall. Okay?

Ellie said...

I think you're awesome, and I hope you keep your blog public so I can read it (though actually, I hope you do whatever you need to do for yourself).

I think it's SO CLEAR that you're just making light of a serious situation, I've never found your humor the slightest bit offensive. and I have an ED too, and I'm pretty sensitive to when I think people are being offensive - but you're not.

Nichole said...

Wow, ghetto people who are mean deserve to be run over by a truck. I love your blog and I find it humorous and also inspiring. I hope you keep writing it because you love it. Thanks for the time you put into it!
Nichole

Reagan said...

I'm so glad you're back!

And I LOVE the way you deal with recovery. So there. :)

Kara said...

Brie, I LOVE your blog and I LOVE your sense of humor. It's part of you and I'm glad you aren't thinking about changing it. Because I'm in recovery too, I would like to continue hearing more about your day to day struggles with ED because it gives me hope. I understand if you don't want to talk about it anymore, but if that's so, make sure it's because it's what YOU want to do. Thanks!

Krystle said...

Humor has always been one of the healthiest ways to overcome, and you have every right to say what you want, whether it's funny, sarcastic, or otherwise. This is YOUR blog, and I am shocked that people would behave in any other way. I for one love reading what you have to say. You make me laugh. You point out, that no matter how craptastic things may feel, there is always humor in it. I am glad you write, and even more pleased that you have a hallowed ability to laugh at yourself. ED sucks royally, and I laugh in its general direction. You, however, Briester, I commend wholeheartedly. xoxoxo

tysthet said...

Long time reader - first time commenter...I just wanted to say that I was really bummed when I saw the setting set to private. Thanks for rethinking that. Your blog is a stability for me and, sometimes, reading it is the highlight of my day...although that could change if you tell me where i could find some of that pumpkin choc-chip bread! Sounds tres yum!

Becky

Gretchen said...

Brie,
I have never even met you or posted before but you have no idea how devestated I was went I went to view your blog yesterday and it was blocked! I seriously was not sure what I would do without reading your wonderful insights and hilarious cuteness! Please keep blogging and let all the others that take issue go away! I think you rock!

Jackie said...

Glad you are back biotch!!!!

Jenn said...

Kudos to you Brie, for standing up for yourself! I love you, and I hope you'll continue talking about everything in your life. :)

Rideout said...

i'm so glad you're blog isn't private anymore! i was sad when it was for a day. we went to school together but were more acquaintances. but i ran across your blog one day and read it every day and it seriously makes me laugh so hard. i love your writing style and that you aren't afraid to write about whatever comes to mind, even pee air!

DaftDragon said...

You go girl, I love your blog and I am glad you are taking charge of it. Seriously, so friggan' awesome. And as for people who are hatin'? I agree, fuck em. We all just do the best damn job we can.
And very few can do so as amusingly as you :)

EmmaLee Jones said...

Brie,

I have been reading your blog for the last few months and I have found your story to be very inspiring to me! I was sad when I saw that your blog had been set to private last week! I dont want to make this too long so I will send you an email later, but for now, Thank you!

-EmmaLee

Devon said...

Good for you :)

This sounds like the Brie I know and love - stick to what you believe darling.

Tangerine said...

Amen!
You said it perfectly, Brie.

Don't compromise, don't apologize, and never ever change the wonderful person you are.

You should feel free to write whatever you want. This is, after all, your blog.

Keep being true to yourself...the rest doesnt' matter.

A

Cara said...

oh for heaven's sake, you owe no one any explanation or apology, it's your blog, people are privileged to be able to read whatever you choose to share, if they don't like what they read it's very easy for them to stop reading, don't let a few ruin it for the rest, but i do understand it's impossible not to take it personally, especially given the personal nature of the blog.

in short, it's your blog, cry if you want to

Laur said...

Its no one's business to tell you how to write or what to say IN YOUR OWN BLOG. I am glad you are sticking up for yourself because people have no right to be your "therapist" on your blog. You pay good money for real therapists.
Give me a break.
You guys who think you are helping really aren't, Brie has plenty of people who are around her to help her, she just needs her blog as an outlet and if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all, its sorta something I learned in kindergarten, how about you?
love ya brie

brie said...

Wow...guys...I'm floored.

Thanks so much for all of these comments - I heart thee and thy niceness!

I talked with my T about this a lot today, and she definitely supported me in my decision to say what I want to say, no apologies. I feel really good about my decision and just in general love all you. ;)

PS Comment moderation SUCKS. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up, haha.

kb said...

Brie,

I've been reading your blog for a while (via Z), and, as you pointed out yourself, this is YOUR blog and you can make it what you want. I think there can be a lot of weirdness when people feel overly invested in a person whom they think or presume to know, but in reality there is a huge gap between their idea of you and who you are.

So, good for you.

- Kristina

Wish I Could Delete This Account said...

So glad you're back ... you had me sometime last summer when I stumbled upon a post about you driving some rattletrap car you had then, in the damn-hot Utah somewhere, on the way to your therapist. Don't remember the details, but I went back and read from the beginning. Perhaps you had a name, even, for said car? Of course, you probably would ... b/c there is not-fanny-pack, ergo ... how could your car not have a moniker :) I love the photos of your family and hearing your oh-so-different ways of managing your tube than I was able to manage when I had to use one. If I had had your "company" during that time, it might've been a helluva lot better. As it was, I felt all alone. Just know that *you* are not alone, among hate-mailers, with tubeage, in your journey ... ever. You've got a whole blogosphere (plus the Mike & Juliet audience) keeping tabs on you and cheering you on. Thanks for coming back!

(Ha! I just figured out my posting name is something I never chose ... don't know how I ended up being "wish I could delete this account" (subconscious?) ... but disregard the email I sent :)

Tiptoe said...

Hi Brie,

I was just about to e-mail you tonight after reading the last post. I am really glad you decided to keep Blogoxygen alive, because I think it's a great way for you to let go for a bit.

I think your blog is wonderful and the humor is so helpful in dealing with ED and life. So many of us are rooting for you even if we are just on the sidelines.

As I've said before, your blog is yours, and your completely.

Penny said...

I'm the last to comment and i applaud you and agree with them. You have made so many of our days happier and funner and we jusssst want for you, all the best. You are a sweetheart!

Ally said...

I don't currently have a blog going, but i came across yours while reading the ed feed one day...Its your sarcastic sense of humor (which i share!) about your suffering that makes it so relatable and fun to read. If we all focused on the seriousness of everything each day and especially all the crap the ed puts us through, well, that would be a very boring blog (and life)...Don't worry too much about any negetive feedback, you should do what makes you happy and comfortable regarding writing. Thank you for making me laugh along with you and forget how much eds can suck even for a brief moment!...take care! :)

alriggells said...

I support the REAL BRIE, so I am taking it, you are so freaking amazing and I love you. Keep being yourself, and thank you for standing up for yourself, it is truly inspirational.

Katherine said...

my sweet friend,
as i texted you last night, i truly am sorry my comment upset you. i didn't mean to sound preachy or condesending, i just worry about you, especially since i can't be there to drag your ass to rr. i really hope you know i love you and i didnt mean to be a bitch, i just want to see you happy and healthy. take care my dear and know that i love you

zubeldia said...

Oh, missy, I am super, super proud of you. You know, yes, this is your blog. Write what you want, my friend.

I love you, Z

ExPoSeD tHoUgHtS oF a TwEnTy SoMeThInG yEaR oLd GaL said...

Hi Brie-

I agree completely. This is YOUR BLOG (key word here)- and you should be able to write and talk about whatever you need and want to talk about, without rude remarks from others. If other's don't like what you read, than they SHOULDN'T BE READING YOUR BLOG! If you find blogging theraputic and helpful, than I say all the power to you. Personally, I find your blog a breath of fresh air. As someone who has struggeled with an E.D. for over 10 years now, it is nice to not always have to take the situation so seriously. It's nice to be able to make fun of yourself (and your problems) from time to time. In fact, as a survivor or repeat sexual abuse, a lot of people probably find it totally weird and bizzare that I make fun of my HX of sexual abuse - but like you, that's how I cope- making fun of my situation. Your thoughts are valid. Your feelings are valid. Your life is valid. Do what makes you happy. Live life without worry and fear of others. Stay strong! Keep fighting! God Bless,
Tiesh

Paige said...

Hi Brie, I've been so bad at blog-reading lately, but yours is one of my favorites. I LOVE your sense of humor, and you shouldn't change for anyone!

Natalie said...

Ummm...so I have never commented on your blog before, but I just wanted to tell you that I LOVE your blog and it always brightens my day when I read it. You have such an awesome sense of humor and I think you are a gifted writer. You are an inspiration to so many. Thank you.

brie said...

again, i am overwhelmed and so grateful with everybody's comments - i really, really appreciate it. hearing from really cool people reminds me why i love blogging so much. :)

Sarah said...

proud of you, babe.

extremely.

takeupyourbedandwalk said...

So glad you're not going away. I only comment sporadically, but if I've ever been overbearing (God, I hope not, but you never know), my apologies. :)

As far as the rest . . . God, of all the places we should be able to be ourselves, one would think the internet would be one of them, right? But sometimes I find that I'm almost more careful on my relatively anonymous blog than I am in real life. So yeah. I get that.

Hope it becomes fun for you again!

Marste

Katy said...

Hey there--

You don't know me (yeah, I'm a creepy blog-stalker type ;-)), but I've been reading for a while and I'm SO glad you decided to un-privatize. I love reading what you write because, well, you always strike me as unabashedly yourself. I don't think using humor or sarcasm or whatever is in any way in conflict with being proactive in your recovery. You have to be yourself, and I think humor--dark, sarcastic or otherwise--is a necessary survival tool when things, for lack of a better word, SUCK. Sometimes taking things too seriously is, in my opinion, less healthy than being able to say, "well, my life is freaking ridiculous, my head is a mess, but at least I can laugh at myself in between bouts of bawling on the floor."

I hope you can get back to enjoying this, because I think your blog is fantastic and I'll feel better about myself if I'm not benefiting from someone else's pain. ;-)

Feel better.

H said...

I'm so happy you've returned. I knew you'd come back, as your that kinda person...you don't go down without a fight, and I'm so glad you're sticking up for yourself. You have nor reason to apologize and shouldn't. This is like a journal, and it's YOURS, no one elses. We're just given the "insider view" and I consider that a privilige (sp?). Anyway, I love your humor and wish when I was in recovery that I had some of that spunk. I just wallowed. And who likes a wallower? Anyway, thanks for coming back.....I love ya girl.

- H

Tanya said...

B,

I am so proud of you. I really think that this is your space...your blog. You use it as a catharsis and I don't think some person making a judgment should be allowed to steal from you something you really enjoyed. I also think you are helping a lot of people and your humorous approach helps you so much and no one should be allowed to quelch that humor. Hugs. Your amazing...and wonderful, and well...fantasmatic

Sly Syl said...

You go girl!

Jamie :) said...

if seeing all these comments doesn't show you how much your blog is needed--YOUR blog--YOU--then...I don't know. But if someone ever sends you negative things about it again I'll go kick them in the shins. :) You can count on me Brie :)

ps 40+ people read your blog! That's freaking awesome!! I wish my blog were that cool ;)

Stacy said...

I was so sad when it was private... but i just had to try again to see if you were back and you are, YAY!!!

I love your humor because ED sucks (ALOT) and life ROCKS!

no lectures from me just lovey and hope and all that cheesiness... heck I need it too!

Thanks for coming back... reading you blog is really a good thing and helps me

xoxo
mama of dos ninas