Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Affirmations are ROUGH

M assigned me to write 10 affirmations about food or my body or whatever. I've been having quite the stressful time coming up with them guys. Here's what I came up with, but the Big B-ster said I might want to change a few. What do you think? Suggestions are welcome as I would like to avoid offending my therapist.

1. Pie = pleasure NOT pudgy
2. I like my curves. Sometimes I even turn myself on.
3. Drinking water = hydration = better brain function = LESS NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS.
4. If I think having a tube is bad, it could be much, much worse. I could be a leper. Or have Gonnorrhea. OR be a Leprous Gonnorhean.
5. Soda is devil juice that makes my bones sad and weak.
6. It's been said that Red Robin fries are orgasmic. Let go of the fear. Join the orgy.
7. Skinny isn't EVERYTHING. Money is.
8. Eating pumpkin chocolate chip bread makes me happy. Not quite as happy as NOT eating it, but still.
9. Tubification is a PERFECTLY NORMAL rite of passage that everybody goes through. I'm not the freak I think I am.
10. I choose life because I'd hate to miss out on next week's all new Gossip Girl.

Eh?

15 comments:

Sarah said...

Thank God for my RSS reader-this made my night. You my dear are hilarious!! Lovin it.

Tanya said...

Brister...well umm...how do I say this...I have to agree with your hubby. Some of those sound really well, negative rather than positive as affirmations should be. You seem to be on middle ground with most of those. Perhaps take some of the negating things off and just say the positive parts. I dunno. hugs. I hate making affirmations. It takes forever to come up with things that I can actually tell myself. Good luck.

brie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tanya said...

LOL....B thats so true you are sarcastic and M is very understanding thank heavens for the both of us. hugs.

brie said...

i just need to throw out a disclaimer for everybody that i'm joking. i'm not going to actually give this to M. and she told me she knew i'd either go cheesy or sarcastic with it because it's out of my comfort zone. because being cheesy is not in my genes, i of course went the sarcastic route. figures.

Kara said...

I LOVE them! Sure, they are sarcastic, but my T told me that affirmations don't have to be 100% positive. She told me that because I told her that I always felt like a douche when I said positive affs because they were total BS and I didn't believe them (you know, like "I love my body," etc.). I have this phobia that I have a double chin, so instead of saying "I love my chin" my therapist told me to say something like "obsessing about my chin is not helpful." You know, making affirmations a little more realistic.

Emily said...

Too funny, and I'm glad you aren't going to give it to M! Your sense of humor, once again, made me smile.

satisfiction said...

I used to have this affirmation (nonfirmation?) where I would habitually say "I hate my life..." I figured that this couldn't be helping my general state of mind, so instead of saying I hate my life, now I complain about the thing that's specifically being a dick that day. :D Realism, like Kara said.

Reagan said...

Hey, Brie-

Just found your blog last night and I love it! (Too groupie-like already? damn :(

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I mentioned you on my blog at curvygirly8.blogspot.com and if you get a minute to check it out, I'd love your blessing. If not, I'll take it down!

Thanks and nice to "e-meet" you...and the concept of pee air. ;)

Katherine said...

not going to lie, these make me sad. i agree with kara that affirmations need to be somewhat realistic but it is vital that they are positive(ish)...even when 'joking' you are still telling yourself these things and reinforcing the beliefs that are clearly already present. brie, i love you. please take care of yourself.

jana bananas said...

I don't know why exactly, but #8 makes me really sad. It makes me sad that not eating a really yummy piece of bread would feel better than eating it.

I might not eat the bread even if I want it. But it would make me sad, not happy. :(

jana bananas said...

I think you can be realistic without being cheesy. Clean 'em up, lovergirl. :)

Shannon said...

Shall I say, nice try?

Some are pretty good (#2 anyone? love it.), but others are bathed in sarcasm negative.

I concur with Jana too, sad times that not eating pumpkin chocolate chip bread in all its yumminess would make you happier.

Good luck with revamping them and upping the positivity (affirmativity?) so you can turn them in to M.

H said...

Oh how I despise affirmations. They never seem to really "work" the way they're supposed to with me, but maybe that's b/c I never wrote them like the ones you wrote? I sure could've used some humor back in the day....instead of a F-U yelling voice who was a volcano ready to explode at any nurse or therapist or tech person! You say it like it is, and I like that, sarcasm and all. And by now, I'm sure M knows you well enough to understand them!

ania said...

Hi, Brie.

Yea, I'm glad I checked in here today.

I like Number 3.

With warmth....