A Plan for Cade

I went to parent-teacher conferences this afternoon for Cade.  I have known virtually all along that Cade has been having some problems with Kindergarten, so I came prepared to really talk with his (awesome) teacher about it and come up with a plan of action.

I hesitate to post this because no one wants to post about their kid's shortcomings or problems.  Everybody wants to talk about how amazing and talented and perfect their kid is.  So, to admit to everybody that my kid struggles (a lot) is hard for me.  It breaks my heart a little.  But at the same time, I want to do this because I'm NOT ashamed of Cade.  He may have some difficulties with school, but he's still incredibly smart and sensitive and sweet.  So I'm just going to tell it like it is.

I have been worried, because I know that Cade is behind other kids his age.  Most kids by this stage of Kindergarten are reading basic words (cat, top, mat) and Cade is only just now recognizing all the letters of the alphabet (upper and lower case) and learning word sounds.  He's about average with the other kids in math, it's more his reading skills that are not up to par.  And, his teacher confirmed today what I already know about Cade: that he's incredibly smart, that he can do the work, but that quite simply, he doesn't want to.  When he gets to school, he asks the teacher repeatedly when he can go home or when recess is.  When she is trying to work with him on his letters, he'll usually turn his head away and say he doesn't want to try anymore.  He lacks the motivation and the maturity that most kids his age already have.  He has NO passion or desire to learn.  And I've known this.  Getting him to do his homework every night is a major struggle.  Getting him excited for school every morning is a monumental task, and it usually results in many tears and him begging me to let him stay home, that he can't go to school because he is "sick."

So, basically, Cade's only problem with school is that he doesn't want to try. 

So, the good thing is this: we are moving this summer to a new city, so he will have a new opportunity to start school fresh in a new place where no one knows him or assumes anything about him.  Cade's birthday is in August, so he just barely made the deadline, and is the absolute youngest in his class this year, which I suspect is why some kids have more maturity than mine does - he's just not quite there yet.  So, I talked with his teacher today, and unless Cade makes some dramatic improvements between now and the end of the school year, then I am going to take him to his new elementary school in the fall and have him repeat Kindergarten.  It's going to be good because Cade is finally (hopefully) going to feel like the big fish in a little pond.  Hopefully he'll have more confidence going through Kindergarten the second time around, and by then I'm hoping and praying that his maturity level will have caught up with his age a little more.   He won't have to feel bad about repeating Kindergarten because he won't see all of his friends and classmates go to first grade while he hangs back, because he'll be in a new school environment.  The worst thing I could do to Cade would be to force him into first grade before he's ready, when he doesn't know the material he needs to know.  It would make him hate school even more because he'd be behind and feel self-conscious that other kids were doing things he cannot yet do.  I won't put my kid knowingly in a situation that makes him feel scared and self-conscious and upset.  I just won't do it.

It's better to swallow my pride and do what's best for my child.  And Brandon and I and his teacher all agree that this could be a really great fresh start for him.

But this decision wasn't easy.  During the meeting with his teacher today, I was so embarrassed, but I couldn't stop tears from sliding down my cheeks as I talked to his teacher because I wouldn't choose this for Cade.  It's not easy hearing unpleasant and difficult things about your child.  I just wish I could  make things easier for him.

But we really feel this is the best thing we can do for him; the best thing we can do to help him at this point.  So we're just going to finish out this school year with Cade with lots of love and support and encouragements to try, and have high hopes in the coming school year that he can finally have more of a desire to learn and do what he needs to do.  I know he can do it, he just needs to figure that out too.

But, Cade?  I love you so much Buddy.  And I'm proud of you always.