Thursday, March 29, 2012

On the Importance of Virtue

So it goes without saying that one of the highest responsibilities of a parent is to raise their children with good, strong, honest values. I get that. I'm totally on board with that, and I have taken it upon myself to make sure Cade and Mila are really kind and considerate and respectful kids - and since kids are notoriously naughty, my hope is that at least when they are adults, they'll be bursting with values.  Or at least not robbing any banks.

But does one ever think of the responsibilities a pet owner has? On teaching their animal(s) the importance of good, strong, honest values?  That is what this post is really about.

Take Hairy for example. Every night as I am giving her her evening rubdown, I implore upon her the importance of keeping her virtue and remaining chaste. I tell her a pure and chaste cat is a becoming cat, and I congratulate her on maintaining her virtue in what is fast becoming a world that is lewd and immoral, EVEN FOR CATS.

And then Brandon walks in during our little chit chat and RUINS that tender moment, and disgusted, he says, "The only time Hairy is ever in danger of losing her virtue is when you're touching her."

And I eye him evilly.

And I continue to stroke Hairy as morally possible, and continue to implore her to guard her carnal treasure.

My kids and cats are covered. Are yours?

Because I mean the world is SCARY, guys.  And I want to keep the lines of communication open between me and Hairy, so that she can always feel comfortable coming to me if she needs to.  Because I'm pretty sure she'd be like traumatized if she ever did It at this point, and I know she'd need someone to talk to, so I want to like be there, you know?  And I tell Hairy this during our nightly talks, and she meows gratefully, and I rest easy, knowing she is spayed.  :) 

Phew.  Too bad you can't spay children!  (The human variety, I mean...)  Then I'd have all my bases covered!

I need to go.  To the store.  And buy Hairy some iron underwear.


po said...

Wahahaha your kids are so cute and your cat is insanely cute and you are just hilarious. And cute too, of course ;)

Laur said...

HA HA. love it. I have serious chats with "my boys" (2 cats) but I have no one living with me to overhear!

Sairs said...

I don't have children, just one of the hairy kind called Moo. I love her to death, she is the most amazing cat and I think we often forget to include them on our blogs. Hairy look very beautiful, I can understand why you give her the attention that she loves so much :)

Lou said...

Ha! THanks for the chuckle :)

hardlycreative said...

oh glory you are amazing. best. blog. ever.

t. said...


Sharee said...

I really don't love cats, but the way you talk about yours just make me laugh. so. hard! Your hilarious! What does your hubby think of the cats? Does he love them too?

brie said...


brandon HATES my cats. mostly because i love them so much, so he gets jealous! but hairy is just so furry and loveable and BEAUTIFUL and amazing, how could you not adore her and want to guard her chastity?! i mean SERIOUSLY.