Friday, March 30, 2012

I'm Going to Eat Today

How has everybody's today been? Mine's been pretty good - I had a ROLLICKING fun time in therapy this morning, and I had lotsa breakthroughs. :) It's funny, I always talk to Husband on the way to my appointments, and as he's saying goodbye to me, he always says, "Breakthrough Honey, breakthrough!" And I try so hard not to disappoint! Although I will admit that sometimes it's hard to stay focused on serious (aka boring) stuff when we could spend the sesh laughing and joking. My therapist kind of makes fun of me, and I make fun of her back, and I am okay with that. If I had an all doom and gloom therapist that wore plaid, one-size-fits all dresses with moon boots and Napoleon Dynamite glasses and was always all serious, I'd be so...unmotivated. Not to mention I'd discreetly drop hints of where she could get some stylish, affordable clothes. I guess what I'm saying is that I have to feel like I can relate to my therapist, so that is why I seem to do better with T's that are 1) young(ish) and 2) have at least SOME semblance of fashion sense, or at the very least don't wear socks with their Tevas. Yeah, all of that, but ESPECIALLY the whole Tevas part. I once had a T who wore white sweat socks with her purple Tevas, and I threw up in my mouth a little every time I saw her. I actually told her once that I thought what she was doing to her feet was atrocious, and she laughed. And continued to rock the socks and Tevas. At least she was comfortable with herself, right, I mean there's a life lesson in there somewhere.

So I had a really awesome thought that I wanted to share with all of you:

This morning, before I got out of bed, I was kind of just lying there and thinking of the day ahead; what I was going to do and the errands I had to run, etc. And I kind of just had this thought really randomly and nonchalantly pop into my head, and it was something like, "I'm going to eat today." And I just had this sense of RELIEF wash over me, that I wasn't going to abuse my body today, and that I wasn't going to have to worry about what I was or wasn't eating, and I wasn't going to have to be so starved and malnourished that all I could think about was food. It was simple. "I"m going to eat today." And I have. And I've felt great. I've had a great day with my family and it's so amazing to have the physical energy and mental stamina to keep up with my kids. To sure, not love the way I look, but not abuse it or punish it as a result.

5 words. 5 words that seem so silly, or something that your average person wouldn't have to think about - I'M GOING TO EAT TODAY - is a life changer for me. A total game changer. It means everything. It means LIFE. And maybe I sound really dramatic, but I don't think so. It really means that much to me.

And, I really really really hope that you can say tomorrow, when you wake up, "I'm going to eat today." Try it. Maybe it will change your life too. :)

20 comments:

Shannon said...

Short and simple post...but I have a feeling this is huge for you. Love it!

CH said...

It is such a simple no brainer for most of the world to eat, but those of us who "get it", GET IT - this is amazing!! It is truly a sign of legit recovery, especially the relief.
It is so liberating to finally say to yourself, "WHAT will I eat today?", not "WILL I eat today?". It really is.
I'm having kind of a crappy day today for no real reason, and honestly, this post was something I really needed to read at this moment. Your recovery is definitely inspiring.
Thank you for a post that helps motivate me to continue on the path to leading a recovered life - really, I mean that!

PS - I love that you love your cats so much. My husband is severely allergic (like oxygen depriving asthma severe....) and it really hurts my soul that I can't own a cat. I tried once for a week and it actually almost killed him. Pretttttty awesome wife. haha

Liz said...

I'm going to eat today. That feels so liberating to say. Although I think my saying would be I'm going to take my meds today.
I love being able to joke around with my T, it makes dealing with my issues so much easier. I love that description of a T in plaid and glasses. So funny.

brie said...

Liz, glad you can relate!

CH...
Glad I helped you a bit. :) hang in there!

Alicia B. Designs said...

Thank you for this. Been a struggle in the past week and something as simple as this is JUST PERFECT.

My T is...dorky but hes amazing and kinda looks like santa. no tevas though, thank god. haha

brie said...

Wahahaha a Santa therapist! I love it. :)

Angela said...

This made me cry because lately, I've been saying,"I'm NOT going to eat today." Lots of NOT wanting to feel going on...

I'm happy for you, and it makes me realize that yes, I want to be able to say those words and mean them. You have come a long way!

brie said...

Angela, you can do this! You CAN eat today, and every other day. I believe in you.

Dustin said...

Oh dear I know who the Tevas belong to! Moon boots might be worse though. I don't know that one's a toss up.

Krista said...

Oops that last comment was from me. I was signed in as my hubby!

brie said...

Krista, I've actually had the therapist that wore plaid dresses and moon boots! It was TERRIBLE. Moon boots wins over socks and Tevas any day!!

ohgina said...

I've only recently realized how important having a relatable therapist is (I mean, I guess relatable is relative. My T is my moms age but completely normal, fashionable and down to earth. And freaking HILARIOUS.) Laughing in therapy is like, the most important part of my recovery (okay, maybe not really, but CLOSE).

I have a hard time owning "today I'm going to eat." I mean, I'm committed to doing my meal plan every day, but I've never tried making it such a clear decision. I like this.

Angela said...

Thank you, Brie. That means a lot to me:)

Cammy said...

Can we still be friends if I promise that I always wear my Tevas *without* socks? :/

Cammy said...

Also, I love, love, love seeing you get stronger and stronger with building an EDless life. You rock.

Laura said...

Definitely not dramatic. 100 million % true. That's what those 5 little words are! I'm eating today too, btw! Yeah, eating!

Liz said...

I loved Richard G. Scott's talk during the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference. How he touched on keeping ourselves healthy to receive revelation from the holy ghost, specifically good eating habits lend themselves to revelation. So even the apostles want us to eat today.

Penny said...

You are right. This post did make me happy and it also helped me understand you more and that makes me happy to. Congrats. This has been so long in coming but for that it is all the more sweet and hopeful!

Alie said...

That's so awesome, congratulations! And it sounds like you have a great relationship with your T, which is so important. It's great to hear that things are going so well for you!

Sarah @ Bearing, Eating, Being said...

So fabulous. This IS huge. I'm so glad you have the ability now to devote your energy to things that matter to you. Also, I'm glad you have a somewhat stylish therapist. Tevas with socks would make me want to scream too!