Thursday, March 22, 2012

Fallout

First, I have to thank all of you who commented on my last post - every single comment truly did help me, and the support I got from all of you made me feel so blessed.  I'm lucky to have such a supportive and understanding group of ladies out there who want to help and want what is best for me.  I just had to say that, because it really means a lot, and I want you to know that.

Having said that, there has been some fallout from my post.  There are a couple of people who are really upset with me, and there has been one friendship that is as good as ended.  I'm really sad.  Really really sad that it didn't work out.

BUT

I'm also a little relieved, because the friendship was feeling toxic and I felt like I was suffocating, and I know that it will be good for me.  And who knows, maybe somewhere down the road when we are both doing well, we can rekindle the friendship.  This person is a really awesome girl, and I only wish her the best.

One comment from my last post really stood out to me.  It was written by my awesome niece Marissa, and I wanted to copy and paste it here, because she articulated so perfectly how I'm feeling, and maybe some of you can glean some inspiration from it as well:

You know how, when someone's drowning, you're not supposed to jump in and save them because they're flailing and panicking and not in their right mind and they'll drag you down too? And how instead you're supposed to throw a life preserver or let a trained professional--like a lifeguard--save them instead?

That's what I think.

I think that avoiding those triggers ('pew, pew') doesn't mean that you don't love those people. I think that it means that you love yourself MORE. And you need to, because you're freaking amazing. So, you know, do what you gotta do. Don't worry about what other people are going to think. I mean, I know this isn't a perfect metaphor, but someone who's a recovering alcoholic isn't gonna hang out in bars or spend the weekend with friends who are drinking. So spending time in ED-related blogs or with friends who are still immersed in self-destructive habits doesn't make sense for you, either.

Anyway, that's what I think. I don't know how easy it would be, to stay away from all those things, but I do feel like it makes the most sense.


So, I just want to say to all you ED-bloggers out there...I wish you the best.  I love you and I admire you and I hope you can find recovery and happiness.  And, I'll be around.  I might take a step back from time to time, just to keep me okay and keep me from drowning, but I want to say that I do not judge you for your struggles, and I know that what everyone is going through is intense and painful and REAL, and I don't want to minimize that by just saying GET BETTER NOW, because I know it's not that easy.  I do believe, however; that if I can do it, anyone can, because I'm like a reject and the slowest person on the planet, and if I did it, I KNOW you can, and I believe in you and want this for you, because the happiness I am experiencing in recovery is beautiful and exhilarating and so, so worth it.  So get there too, okay?

A clarification to my last post:

When I mentioned that eating disorders were about getting attention, I did not mean to generalize and say that EVERY eating disorder is only about getting attention.  I'm not a professional and would NEVER want to assume why each individual person practices their eating disorder.  What I was referring to was a particular person I "know" (though Facebook and Treatment Land) who is very blatantly posting pictures and status updates about being sick and wanting as many people to see it and know it as possible.  I was referring to the fact that it was triggering and upsetting to me, and toxic.  I apologize if people were miffed and thinking I was globalizing that all ED's are attention related.  I wasn't.

I think I'm going to go back to moderating comments, at least for a little while.  I don't want to do it, honestly, but I need only positive energy here, and I know some people are quite angry with me, and I don't want them to take it out on my blog. 

Lots of blog drama lately.  Wow.
But to all of you who support me, especially in this tough transition of new recovery, thank you, thank you, thank you.

9 comments:

Unknown said...

Hey!

I read your blog regularly but have never commented before, but I feel like now would be a good time to do so. Honestly, you are SO doing the right thing here. Like 100 million percent YAY for you, seriously. I know in my own recovery, as well as that of several people I know, eventually there came a time when we had to say goodbye to ED world and move the f on. This is a big step in recovery that most people come to, and it's GOOD, it means you're making progress and getting even better.

And ya, it might feel like you are ditching your friends or leaving them to suffer by themselves, but I hope you can try to see that this doesn't have to be a goodbye forever. For some people, yes it might be goodbye forever, but chances are you didn't really need that person in your life anyway if they can't understand your reasons for stepping back. For most people, this is just more of a "I'm going to back off for a little bit, and take care of myself while you take care of yourself, and when you are in a better place we can totally rekindle our friendship and it will be awesome".

I hope this makes sense. Basically my point is, a HUGE thing in recovery is learning how to take care of yourself. And putting up boundaries is really important in self care. So do what you have to do girl, because this is YOUR life and if you don't take care of you, no one else will.

xoxoxo
Katy

Shannon said...

I'm catching up with the last post, but I think everything you said about needing to distance yourself now that you are changing is right on. Of course you are going to change the things you do/read/watch etc now that you are in a different place in recovery.

There are always going to people who feel offended about various decisions you make in your life, and this is hard for me because I'm a people pleaser, but you just can't make everyone happy all the time. Especially at the expense of your own happiness/recovery.

Loved your niece's comment. Great advice and so true. You are doing so great and it's so wonderful to see. Keep up the amazing work and do what you need to do!

Brandon said...

Crap, looks like Brie won't be reading my blog anymore! :)

Breezy babe, you are a stellar woman; a true force of nature in my life and the life of these two cute little kids that are always hanging out with us. As your husband I officially approve of your decisions. Your blog has never been about glorifying sickeness, it has always been about glorifying working through sickness and trying to change yourself. It has been about exposing yourself and your recovery for what it is: long, difficult, painful, and most importantly... WORTH IT!!! I love you to infinity for being brave enough and committed enough to step into the unknown for yourself, for me, and for your kids. All the naysayers would do well to take a page out of your book. I have never been more proud of my lady!

Sairs said...

I agree that this step is such a big one in recovery. I know that when I made this step, it really helped me to stay well and not be dragged down by horrible images and very unhelpful words. I know it feels like you lose a little when your ED friends find out how you feel but you gain so much in being able to stay in recovery and that is so so important. You are doing an amazing job and I think it's awesome that you are moving forward, onwards and upwards. Good for you!
Sarah :)

alriggells said...

I am sorry there was a fall out due to your previous post, however I am glad you are doing what is right for you because you deserve it :)

bri said...

I love u so much Brie! U preety much rock! Not gonna lie I've been so worried about u but not as much anymore while I recoginze it is worth it and ur Rockn it! Night!

Alicia B. Designs said...

I completely support you. I had to do the same thing and after reading like 10 ED blogs, i only read 2 because they focus more on recovery and are healthy and positive. You have to do this to protect yourself otherwise its a fast and slippery slope to thinking that its normal to think ED thoughts and do ED behaviors when its really destructive and taking you off your path to recovery. You shouldn't feel bad, you should be super proud of yourself for making that step/decision. I hope that even though I don't have an ED blog you'll still let me read about your awesome recovery. Its so inspiring!

xoxo
Alicia

hardlycreative said...

(holds up hand for high-five). you are doing a good job. really.

Sarah Hope said...

I think your niece is brilliant. :)