Some little effer at work stole my lean pocket. I even wrote my NAME on it with a sharpie! How desperate do you have to be to steal a 0.75 cent rubbery breakfast pastry from some poor anorexic girl? I mean really?
My co-worker C had quiche yesterday, and she set it in the fridge in the breakroom with her name on her plate. The culprit yoinked her quiche but kindly left her empty plate in the fridge. And they’ve stolen several of my Diet Cokes. I have a feeling this jerkface was the bully in kindergarten who rifled through my lunch and stole my oatmeal cream pies, too.
Aren’t we all adults here? Holy smokes.
I just made Twin go to the grocery store to get me a maple bar and a banana. It’s no lean pocket, but meh, it’ll do.
Anyway I’m thinking about disguising myself behind the recycling bins in there to see who the thief is – just wait ‘em out, because as assuredly as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west, this little punk will steal someone else’s hard-worked for lunch. Maybe I could get a promotion or a trophy out of it or something…I could bring my iPod and my DS and my detective novel. Fun!
Anyway I can’t because I have work to do and I’m growing faint with hunger.
GROW UP LOSER.
[take my lean pocket again and DIE]