Yesterday afternoon I had an appointment with my dietician, E. She asks me questions I’ve never previously had a dietician ask, and believe me, I’ve seen more than my fair share of them - and consequently heard more than my fair share of odd questions.
She likes to ask a lot about my bowel movements. They seem to fascinate her. Every week, like clockwork, she’ll ask, “How are your B.M’s? Are you constipated? Do you have diarrhea?” And as I answer the question, my cheeks burning and my hands fluttering nervously, she’ll nod attentively and type (I’m sure, verbatim) what I say on her little Mac laptop where my chart lurks.
So lately I’ve been having diarrhea, okay? It’s an anxiety thing. And it doesn’t just stop there, when I tell her I’ve got da runs. She asks the frequency, the consistency, is there digested or un-digested food in it? Blood? Coloring? FOR.CRYING.OUT.LOUD. My hell. Does she need to know all this? I hope she’s not a gossip monger.
So yesterday? When I was telling her about my #2sies, she told me that she wants me to keep track of my diarrhea. ON MY MEALPLAN. And I thought, “Damn. I have food boxes, and fluid boxes. Now I’m going to have to add diarrhea boxes?”
(As an aside, I've never personally kept track of something like this. When I was IP at CFC, they certainly kept track for you of when you "voided" and had a "B.M." I had my favorite (or least favorite, bwahahaha) care tech that I'd save my poops for so she'd have to flush them. I always got extreme satisfaction watching her wearily pull out the "B.M. binder" and mark that Brie had a "really big one.")
So anyway back to what I was saying: I’ve never heard of diarrhea boxes. And keeping track of that on the same paper as what I track what I eat? Sick, dude.
Those will pry be the only boxes I can consistently mark off; my damn diarrhea boxes. Go me.