Wednesday, April 8, 2009

My Gastroenterologist is Fun

I can’t believe I haven’t yet mentioned Dr K. He’s another part of my (ever growing) treatment team; he’s the gastroenterologist. Now Dr K is quite the interesting man. He’s Indian, and has like the coolest accent, kind of like Abu from The Simpsons, you know what I’m talking about? But the thing that makes him really different, really suuuuper special-borderline-creepy from any other doc I’ve ever seen, is that he’s, like, a toucher. And a feeler. And a caresser. And a murmer-sweet-nothings-in-my-ear’er.

But it’s not creepy (well, after awhile, anyway).
I swear.

It’s just him. Maybe it’s just his culture?

The first time I met him, I was freezing cold and anxious out of my mind, in pre-op. I was wearing one of those giant tents they call hospital gowns, and some nursing student was poking at my arm, fascinated, while trying to put in the IV, kinda like I did in 7th grade when I was dissecting my earth worm. So he came in, caressed my hair, and said, “’Ello. My naaame is Doctore K_____. I weell be veery gentle weeth you. Do not worry.” And with that, he was off in a blur in his knit wool sweater with reindeers on them.

I looked at Bran, freaked out. Holy fetch. I mean, right?

So now I’m in the OR. I’m lying there, feeling vulnerable with my stomach exposed, and before the surgery begins, the nurse starts spouting off what I’m here for:
“The patient is Brienne B______. She is here for a PEG tube insertion—“ but Dr K cuts her off, and says, “Yees. Bot does her chart say that sheee is a veeery sweet gerl?” And the nurse says, “Yes, it says right here that she’s VERY, very precious.” And I’m thinking, Holy suck, holy suck, put me out, knock me out, hurry hurryhurryhurry! I feel weird and uncomfy. And Dr K says, “Veery good, veery good. I’ll be veery geentle.”
And then I was out.

I didn’t see him post-op. I went home, in incredible pain, and Big B called Dr K on his cell phone after I’d been home for about 30 minutes telling him something wasn’t right. So Dr K tells him to take me right to the ER. While we’re driving, the sweet man calls Bran LITERALLY FIVE TIMES to make sure I’m okay. By the time I reach the OR, my ER doc told me that he’s already called a few time to see if I was okay. "He's certainly attentive," she says. Damn right, lady!

I see him the next day, and he told me, “I could note sleep at oll last night. I was soo worried abooout you.” (He said all this while holding my hand and sitting next to me on my bed.)

But by now, I’m kinda okay with it. He doesn’t do it in a creepy way, but in a seriously genuine I care about you and I like touching you but not in a way that could take away my medical license type way.

He actually once saw Brandon downstairs by the gift shop at the hospital with ‘Lil C. He came up to him and was talking to him about me, but when he initially came up to him, he held out his hand to shake it. Now Bran likes to give a good handshake, a real manly one with a good squeeze. But, apparently, Dr K does not share the same opinion about how handshakes should be conducted. Bran said it was like holding a limp, cold fish, and after B squeezed it, he tried to let go, you know, cuz handshakes should reaaalllly only last about 2 seconds, but sweet ‘ol Dr K just kept holdin’ and clingin’. So Bran started to squeeze again, because he didn’t know what to do, and he got so stressed out, he couldn’t even process what he was saying about me, because all he could think about was that damn handshake that was about as constant as the North Star. Needless to say, it must have been a pretty sweet sight to see them holding hands in the lobby. Because that’s exactly what B said ended up happening. Poor Husband!

He’s so attentive. He calls to make sure I’m okay, he gives 'Lil C “Meeelk chocolaut.”
And he especially, especially loves to hug my legs.
Probably because I'm so precious.

My gastroenterologist is fun.

[ADDITION:] Oooh! Oooh! I forgot to mention that the name of his practice is THE GUT WHISPERER. Isn't that the show that Jennifer Love Hewitt used to star in? haha


karo said...

I think I know the Dr. K you are talking about. I used to work with him in the hospital. He is awesome! The bet GI doc to work with...very kind and concerned about his patients well being. And he actually ANSWERS his pages when we needed him. Plus, he comes in on his days off to check on his patients. Very dedicated and respected doc. You are lucky!


brie said...

Yes K, that's him! I didn't know you used to work with him...yes, he's a very cool guy. I'm glad he's my doc. :)

Shannon said...

Wow, can I just say that I literally "LOLed" when I read this post? I love how you typed out HOW he said everything...made it a little bit more real! Im super glad he is attentive though (and not in a creepy way). I have been thinking of you and praying for ya, Bwii!

Keely said...

That is awesome! I love how his handshake is as constant as the north star. ha ha ha!!! He sounds like a truely amazing guy (and doc).

Keely said...

how does he hug your legs?

brie said...

How does he hug my legs? Well, I shall tell you!

When I was lying down on the examining table or hospital bed or whatever, I just have this instinct to put my legs up, so that my feet are on the bed - I feel less vulnerable that way. So, he sits on the bed, and just wraps those big hairy arms around 'em. So fun! ;)

PS Keely the invite to your blog you sent me doesn't work. Send it again!

Zena said...

you are completely hysterical...everything you write just comes alive. And you are super lucky to have such a cool Doc.

love, Z

Pattie Cordova said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pattie Cordova said...

The doc sounds uber-loving... not in a creepy way though - more like an unbashful way.

p.s. I like the font

Courtney said...

Aren't Doc's like this refreshing? I mean after experiencing all those that treat ED patients like we're wacko it's a breath of fresh air to find someone who really cares. It makes me wonder why all those insensitive, arrogant ones even go into the biz in the first place--in fact I once read that the #1 predictor of whether a Dr will be sued for malpractice is not their performance but rather how they treat and communicate with their patients. I think the majority need to go back to school to work on their bedside manners!

Courtney said...

P.S. Funny that you mention that Lance Armstrong book, the link I posted on my blog compares the two and I was thinking I should read that one too!

Sarah said...


this is a hilarious post . . . i'm so glad you are feeling better, babe. xoox

jana bananas said...

I can't tell whether this guy is slightly creepy or one of the greatest people ever. If you trust him, perhaps I will think the latter!

Lisa said...

Hee! Glad that you can find the joyful goofiness in your treatment.

HAFC said...

You're taking me back in time.....I LOVED India when I lived there. I love their accents and the importance of humanity and making everyone you see a close and dear friend. They truly do this! It's amazing....I wish us westerners could follow suit, but we're too bitter of a country to let people actually care about us or us care about them. Anyway, the doctors that come from India really ARE the best. My Neurologist is from India and I could sit and listen to his voice all day if I had the chance! I'm glad you like him and that it's not creepy. Oh, and the whole "holding hands" thingy? That's what they do over there to show true friendship. Men hold mens hands (and no, they're not gay), and women hold women's hands (they're not lezbians). It's just their culture. The first sign of true friendship is the "holding hands" bit, so Brandon and you will probably always be "part of their family" so to speak. : )

Telstaar said...

Oooh its just so nice that you got a good doctor and one that you know genuinely cares about you!!! YAY!!! :)

zubeldia said...

aw, so happy for lovely doctors. There are some really good, genuine people out there. There is something about therapeutic touch which is incredible healing (there have been studies on it :))

Love, Z

Brooke said...

He kind of reminds me of my primary doc. Docta Lee. He looks like he should have an accent--but he doesn't. Really takes you off guard the first couple of times.He has the sweetest almond eyes and he is sooooo kind. Me and Ambie love to go to the docter because we LOVE to see him :)

As for the handshake...poor Brandon!