Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Holy Update of Fury

Okay I swearsies this post isn’t going to be all doom boom life sucks gloom again like it was yesterday. I definitely needed to vent and get some of that out, but I don’t want to drag all that boring stuff on and on. So I’ll try to give you all a rather impartial (read: as un-negative as possible) update on what things in my life have been doing, with or without my permission:

First, Easter was lovely. And by lovely, I of course mean that my mini-man looked like a stud in his (quite expensive, but I couldn’t help it!) Easter garb and DANCED in the aisles at church during the hymnals. Oh and also he managed to look at a picture of Jesus in nursery and yell NO I DON’T LIKE JESUS! SCARY! NO JESUS GO AWAY!” At any rate, I have a feeling He didn’t take it personally.

I tried to snap a few pics, but C wasn’t cooperating, and evidently, neither was my hair or my old-mom-gross-throw-away-immediately skirt-becauase-it-(truly)-makes-me-look-fat. Hey, we tried, though, right? My wardrobe options are severely limited when I’ve got a six inch tube as wide as my pinky making its home and hearth right on my (ever expanding) belly. My body is so beautiful.

(Please excuse my pathetic excuse of a yard. We're still landscaping.)

Tube feeds are thankfully getting easier and easier every night. I still have to run the pump quite slowly, or I get pretty nauseous, so it’s only at 60 mL/hour, which is an equivalent of 12 teaspoons an hour. Not much, but better than nothing. I’m getting around 1500 cals a day through tube feeds though when all’s said and done, which I think my lungs are quite happy to glean from. I’m taking an anti-nausea to help while I’m hooked up, (Which gives me some pretty wild hallucinations, one of which included my old therapist’s daughter getting eaten by a shark. Not cool, people, so not cool.) and during the day I take an antacid, and I seem to be okay. I’m slowly getting my strength back, though by the end of the day I’m pretty exhausted, it’s ridiculous. Not Brie’s-in-a-wheelchair-at-Walmart exhausted, but more like moderately tired. Oooor, semi-okay-to-moderately-perhaps-a-teensy-okay-let’s-be-honest-more-than-a-teensy-worn-out-but-surviving tired.

Saw the dietician yesterday. I really like her, mostly because she likes me. I’ve never really had a dietician like me before. I still haven’t gained any weight (from last week) despite the tube feeds, but she’s encouraging me to be patient and stick with it. Apparently it takes a lot longer to fix a car than it takes to break it.

Aaaaand…there’s kind of a weird sitch going on at work, but I’d rather not go into the deets until I know more. I know it’s like totally awesome to like contribute to society ‘n stuff, but if I didn’t need health insurance, I’d totally bounce this place. I like my job most of the time, but I’m just so tired. (see above paragraph) I honestly think it’d take me a long time to get bored sitting at home, jobless, sleeping in, watching the View and eating Lean Cuisines for lunch every day.

But whatever.

Also, I hate rain. I know that in Utah we’re like in a drought, but I wish it wouldn’t rain anyway, and I swear in the past 2 days we’ve literally gotten our quota for the year (Utah is the second driest state next to Nevada, I think). I am entirely aware that this makes me kind of a selfish person, but who doesn’t loathe getting the bottom of their pants soaked and getting pathetic rain stains on their glasses? I’m such a nerd when I walk into a building and the heat fogs up my glasses. When this happens, I hang my head in shame. My hope is that I’ll die before the drought really affects me. I think probably I will. At the rate I’m going, anyway, haha.

Seeing the gastroenterologist today. I look forward to him saying, “B-drie! My sweeeet gerl. How are you, sweethart?” He will also hold my hand and hug my legs and hopefully put in a “mickey” to get this hella ginormous tube out of my stomach. I will also leave with Meelk chocolaut because I am so precious. All of this is definitely worth my $40 co-pay.

So that sums it up. Well, not all of It, but this is long. Perhaps we shall continue the saga tomorrow…


Brooke said...

First...I love Cade. He is so hilarious. He is so scared of people and things--even Jesus. ha ha. Aren't little kids supposed to remember him from up above?

Second...I'm glad you are feeling better. Not better better, but better than the Walmart picture better!

Third...I love your gastroenterologist. I don't know him but I love heem. Geeve heem some keesees for me!

Telstaar said...

*hugs* and GOODLUCK! Enjoy the Meelk chocolaut! hehe xox

Laura said...

find just ONE good thing today, and run with it. SO many issues, so many hurdles, so much going on all at the same IS exhausting.

One thing today. That is what I am aiming for. Finding one thing to smile about. If I think of EVERYTHING, I feel like I am drowning.


tawny said...

Hi girl.

I love what Laura said....One thing at a time! so true. You have so much going on in your life can do it.

Especially when you have a little man that screams in church and has an attitude like he is Brad Pitt. I seriously love lil C and yes I will make him love me!

Have a good day, and YES this rain sucks...I ran in it last night. Downpour, tall girl, hope not to fall down,rain,wet, looked like a psycho but didn't care!

us sisters NEED to play soon..we have LOTS to catch up on! xoxo

Sarah said...

Thanks for writing your post yesterday. I think everyone benefits from your honesty. Being a mom is a full time job, being a wife is a full time job, and recovery is a full time job. And you work outside the home too with, like, a "real" job and everything! (Elle Woods, anyone??)

Brie, it's so normal and healthy for you to feel and express that you're tired. If you're tired, it means you're working hard at everything in your life despite some physical limitations, which is GREAT. You are so full of strength, girl, including the strength to lay it out there and say "damn it all, this is SO HARD!" when a lot of other moms and women plaster on a smile and face none of their issues. I can't tell you how much of an inspiration you are--you don't even have to do anything to earn that besides being you and doing what you're doing and being honest when you are struggling.

Also, I want to take Cade to my church and hear what sort of shocking statements he makes. I LOVE his little outfit. Well worth it.

PS, you do not look remotely fat, and you should likely include that face shot in your modeling portfolio. I love the enthusiasm...haha :)

lisalisa said...

are you taking zofran for nausea? 'cause i took that one time when i had the flu, and it had me talking to people who weren't there! BTW your son is adorable!

kristin said...

I'm glad your Easter was a good one. Mine was, too. :)

Take care, Brie. I hope you continue to get better and better.

love, kristin

jana bananas said...

You do NOT, in the slightest, look fat in that skirt. What have I told you about this? Your body is not capable of being "fat." I truly believe that.

So take that!!

Pattie Cordova said...

Cade is a cutie! Great job on the outfit. Is he scratching his butt in the first picture?

Kara said...

I whole-heartedly second what JB said. I think the skirt is cute. :)

I'm sorry you are tired all the time. My meds make me tired all the time, but I don't have nearly as much to do as you do - so I can only imagine how tired you are.

Sending energy vibes your way...

Angela and Brett said...

BRIE! Thanks again for coming and seeing us talk!!! It was awesome to see you there. And cade was SOO cute in his outfit. I love how he loves dancing!

Keely said...

I like the skirt too. :) Cade is so cute. You just have to laugh at their candor and honesty sometimes... Next time jump out into the aisle and dance to the hymns too. It would make me giggle if I saw you. :)

P.S- I added you. I have no flippin' idea what my blog's problem is. Lame. If it continues I might make it public because my sis can't get on either... Let me know if it works.

kristin said...

This has nothing to do with your post, but I have totally picked up saying "for realsies" from you. I say it all the time. It is so much cooler than saying "for real" or "for reals".

Take care, Brie. And thanks for commenting on my blog. I appreciate it.

love, kristin

brie said...

Kristin, gladsies you like saying for realsies, haha!